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Author Topic: living in hell, and scared stiff...  (Read 6172 times)


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Re: living in hell, and scared stiff...
« Reply #10 on: Oct 14, 2009, 07:04:17 AM »
I agree with Davy's excellent advice, as well as tjk.  One note of caution on the use of a recording device - many states will not allow you to use recordings as evidence if both parties were not aware that there was a recording.  You can still use the recordings for other things - such as letting the police hear them - but you won't be able to use them in a courtroom situation if your state is a two-party state.
It would be very helpful to know what state you are in.
My suggestions are:
*  consult with some attorney's and get one who has won custody cases for fathers on retainer.  (BTW - ask for specifics if they say they have, there are plenty out there who will lie.)  There are some good articles on hiring an attorney on this site.
*  put all of your important documents (titles to car, bank documents, deed to house, etc.) in a secure location that she cannot access.
*  if you share a bank account, move everything to another account that does not have her name on it.
*  remove her access to any vehicles that you are responsible for - take the keys and put them in a safe deposit box if you need to.  If you think she'll do anything to the vehicles, remove them to another location.
*  if you have her on a "family plan" for cell phones, remove her from that (people have been known to run up crazy bills just to stick-it to the other person).
*  cancel her authorization on any lines of credit you have
*  if she freaks out and threatens suicide, call the police and ask that she be taken to psych for evaluation because she is a threat to herself and your child
file an ex-parte motion for custody
*  find out if you must evict her from your property and, if so, start that process in conjunciton with the ex-parte
*  see if you can obtain a TRO in the meantime
*  continue keeping your journal in an un-biased way.
She's obviously unstable, possibly BPD or Bi-Polar, and highly likely to file false allegations against you.  You must protect yourself from this.  Discuss this liklihood with your attorney and come up with a course of action.


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Re: living in hell, and scared stiff...
« Reply #11 on: Oct 14, 2009, 08:15:23 AM »
This advice is completely correct.  I would just like to add a couple of things.
The element of surprise is a huge advantage.  This was used in my situation, by both of us at different times, with some success.  But now, some of the hostility is because of that, several years later.
In some state (like MA) it is actually illegal to record someone without their knowledge (up to 5 years in prison).  Just check and make sure.
This is just IMHO.  Also, remember you will have to deal with her after in some way.  She will have at least visitation.  But if you are very very unlucky, she might even get custody.  If she is a true pyscho, you will have ways to deal with her, but at some level, she will always be there.  You can try to protect your cars, and your money, but mostly I would focus on your daughter.  You do what you have to do, and she is going to hate you no matter what.  DO NOT tell her what you are up to until you file for temp custody, because she WILL take off with baby.  Secure important papers, important irreplacable possesions. But I wouldn't wipe out the bank account, I would leave something fair.  If it is an old car, and you are able to, I would let her keep it, just transfer into her name.  I would move, before kicking her out, even if it is your house and eventually you have to get her out of it.  I don't know what is possible and what is not.  While everything might be in your name, you may have earned ALL of it and she might be a big user and a crazy person, unfortunately you have a kid with her, so you are tied by the tail.  And woman like that, hold grudges.  Go to your parents with the kid.  Get out with your child.  You can always rebuild the possesions.  Protect yourself, while trying to remember that you will have to deal with her afterward.  Things that aren't important to you, forget about them.

Kitty C.

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Re: living in hell, and scared stiff...
« Reply #12 on: Oct 14, 2009, 08:42:19 AM »
'Things that aren't important to you, forget about them.'  I'm assuming you mean possessions and I totally agree with you.........material possessions can be replaced, but your child cannot.  Protect yourself as much as you can, but keep the focus of the safety of your child.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


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