Hello to the poster!
I am sorry that I did not see this a lot sooner. I just saw it now and have to respond. I am married to a felon with a long and sundry record of assualts.
In my case Dh
was diagnosed with Bi polar disorder and since getting meds and treatment has not had so much as a brush with the law. I am in PA.
In the begining I had joint custody
with 50 50 placement. The X has been bitter about the divorce. The guy really has an ax to grind. Just a generally angry individual.
Long story short...I ended up with EOW and had to fight for half of all summers, which I got. We had to endure my kids not being allowed to be in the home if my husband was present for two years. We had to go thru a total of four psychological evals. Two were custody evals and one psych eval for DH and one for me cause the judge thought I was crazy.
My X and his new wife have been alientaing the kids like crazy. Older one was diagnosed with depression once already. But custody evaluator will not change custody
due to my husband's past. He has had no legal invlovement for seven years.
The reult is that my husband feels constantly guilty and as though he is looked down upon by our whole own. This isn't a delision-its real. BF and SM spread Dh's story all over the place.
Over the years my family has had numerous contacts with counsleors of all sorts. Nobody has ever filed a CPS
report except the X and his was unfounded and a "spite report". Yet I do not have custody.
As for my own background. I have never had any legal invlovement, I am a nurse, hold child abuse and criminal clearances and a certified parent educator. My Dh also ha a child abuse clearance!
Bottom line is...it's not about what is, its about how it all looks. Judges here are elceted. Mine would not chance his career by giving me custody and then having one of the children hurt in my care. Even if it were accidental, my X would make it out to be because of my DH.
I'm not saying to not marry the guy. I am saying be very careful of what you do and be extremely sure of what you want from your life. My Dh and I already had one child when X petitoned for custody! I could not in good consious break up our family in order to potentially gain custody of my older kids. Dh and I went on to have a second child. SO God has given me a family to help soften the blow. Although one child never repalces another.
I must tell you that I am an extremely strong person, emotioanlly. I have had a lot of therapy in my life ( first marriage was abusive). That has helped me. But it is still a difficult thing to go thru. Mostly because we all know it isn't really the way the X paints it, but nobody will do anything different because they are all about protecting thier own interests. Best interests of the child? Huh?
I continue the fight. I will not stop. I have a custody mod coming up in Decenber becasue the X is so unreasonable and has denied me medical and dental records. he goes behind closed door with old court orders which show Dh could not be here when Ihad the kids and then makes us out to be these horrible, dysfunctional people. I must got ot school every year to check the permenant reocrds of my kids and add the new court orderes showing that all the old provisions have been changed.
Good luck to you. I just wanted you to hear form someone who has been there. Feel free to contact me offline if you'd like. I am only to happy to share my story. I will never judge you. Be assured you will always be respected becasue that is something that is in short supply when you live with and love an ex-con.