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Author Topic: BM has Primary Custody-Kids basically live with BM's mother.  (Read 1153 times)


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I have visitation with my children ages 8 and 9.

BM works the night shift.  BM "needs her sleep".

Daily schedule consists of BM picking  children up at her mother's around 7-7:30 am.  Taking them home.  Getting them ready for school.  Breakfast.  Then the kids get on the bus.  

While the kids are in school, BM sleeps.  According to children, she has still been asleep after the bus has dropped them off. (4pm) Once, the kids said she didn't even hear them knocking at the door and they had to break into the house with the help of a neighbor (now she keeps a key outside for them).

After the kids wake her up, they eat, do homework and go back to their grandmother's for the night.  around 7-7:30 pm.   BM picks them up in the morning and it starts all over.

All told, BM spends about 3 hours a day, possibly 4, with the kids.  

The weekends that she has the children, she takes the kids to her mother's as well.  She says she "needs her sleep."

At the custody hearing, I brought this up.  I was told by the Judge that "BM has the right to have whoever she wants watch the kids while they are in her custody."

I live in Montgomery County PA and its hardly worth fighting the system here.  I am giving this one more try, then I am considering terminating my rights.

I don't know where to begin, first of all, BM gets about $200.00 per week in child support and I am covering the medical costs of the kids.  I barely have enough to live on.  Paying for a lawyer will just devastate my finances again.  I am frustrated that BM doesn't even have the kids but for maybe 3-4 hours a day and I am paying her.  I would feel more comfortable paying her mother.

Then, there is the issue of the ability I have to care for the kids over night, every night.   I told the judge this as well.  This was basically "not an option" because I don't live in the same school district as the kids.  Please note, neither does her mother-but the judge has no problem with that.

Finally, I am basically cut out of my kids lives.  The grandmother continues to make plans for the kids on the weekends that I have them-she tells my kids, they get excited, then if I say "no, you are with me this weekend you can't go", I am the bad guy.   The BM arranges for my kids to attend their school mates birthday parties on my weekends, which is fine (I alwayas take them) but the last time I already had plans for the weekend and said no.  I was screamed at and hung up on by BM.  When I finally talked to her, my daughter was put in the middle of it all.  I was again the bad guy because I made other plans.  According to BM, the kids plans over-ride anything we have planned.  So, I told BM to just keep the kids since their grandmother had plans for them Saturday and the party was sunday.  The funny part of this is that this was a rock climbing party-my daughter has a broken leg!  Amazing how even will all of the, I am the bad guy.

Do I have a chance?  I am sure that after her mother passes on, I will be of use to the BM, but now, I am nothing and come second to the Grandmother-oh, wait, I am not nothing-I am a paycheck.  BM gets 200.00 a week to dump her kids on her mother.


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RE: BM has Primary Custody-Kids basically live with BM's mother.
« Reply #1 on: Nov 16, 2005, 02:56:05 PM »
Talk to an attorney.
My parenting plan says something to the effect of this:
Federal law requires a designation of primary care giver.  The primary care giver is the parent the child spends the most time with.
If you are fully exercising your visits, getting as much time as possible, I personally think you would have a case to say the children spend more time with you, therefore you should be named primary care giver, therefore given custody.
This is something I've been debating trying to get my attny to go for.  but right now, even though I suspect BM leaves son with her mother all the time, I can't prove it since I live 7 hours away.


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