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Author Topic: SS wants to live with Dad but afraid to hurt Mom's feelings  (Read 799 times)

stepmom23

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11 yo SS#1 (turns 12 in April) currently lives in Florida with Mom and 10 yo SS#2.  SS#1 has stated many times in the past 2 years that he wants to move back to Georgia to live with Dad.  Dad gave Mom forewarning that SS#1 had mentioned wanting to move back to Georgia and Mom said to Dad "I'll nip that in the bud right now."  According to SS#1, Mom started crying and screaming that 'She couldn't let him go again, it would break her heart too much'.  Since that time whenever SS#1 and SS#2 come for time with Dad, Mom calls 3 and sometimes 4 times a day - before she would call at most once every 3 or 4 days.  She tells them in each phone call how much she loves them, how she misses them and she can't wait for them to come home 'cause she's so lonely without them.

SS#1 is with us now for Christmas break and still talks about wanting to move here with Dad but is afraid to say anything to Mom because he doesn't want her to cry.  Says her crying makes him feel guilty for wanting to move.  

SS#2 has no desire to move.  Likes being close to Mom and really doesn't care to visit Dad because of rules he has to follow while here - his words.

We've told him that the decision has to be his and if he's serious about moving he'll have to talk to the judge and give his reasons for wanting to move.  We've given him the negatives of him moving here - not being with his brother or Mom 24/7, different rules to follow, etc.  He stills says he wants to make the move, but is afraid to approach Mom.  


Questions:
(1) Should Dad initiate the conversation again with Mom - only with SS#1's blessing first though.

(2) In Florida, will a judge listen to a child of 12?  Move, if approved, would take place after school year is over.



Sidebar:  Dad had custody initially after divorce in Georgia.  Mom moved to Florida.  SS#2, who was 4 at the time) went through huge separation anxiety from Mom (according to family therapist) so Dad sent SS#2 to live with Mom - in what he felt was "in the best interest of the child".  Year later SS#1 was sent to Mom due to separation anxiety of SS#2 being apart from SS#1.  


Any advice is welcome!!


 

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