S.P.A.R.C.

Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center
crazy gamesriddles and jokesfunny picturesdeath psychic!mad triviafunny & odd!pregnancy testshape testwin custodyrecipes

Author Topic: EX- Girlfriend called me  (Read 7470 times)

josh1688

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 5
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
EX- Girlfriend called me
« on: Dec 08, 2009, 08:42:02 AM »
Told me she is pregnant. Have visual confirmation.
 
She lives in Florida.
I left Florida becuase she assulted me and was put in jail then mental hospital.
She Ignores me now.
Baby is due in early March.
I try to call her and send her messages via social networks. No responce. Just simple things like, "how is the baby doing?"
 
What steps after Paternity test should I take?
 
And how do I handle this situation the moral and correct way, if both can be done. I am a responsable man, and I find it interesting how she denies me that responsability.
 
Thanks,
Josh
 


tigger

  • Private Reserve
  • SuperHero
  • ***
  • Posts: 7923
  • Karma: 591
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #1 on: Dec 08, 2009, 09:55:49 AM »
I think (and others -- feel free to correct me on this) that you need to check Florida statutes and see if there's a potential father registry (or something like that).  Don't sign anything making you definitively responsible for that baby until paternity tests are complete.  I'm assuming you're looking for custody based on the assault and mental issues?
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!

Gestalt

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 73
  • Karma: 2
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #2 on: Dec 08, 2009, 12:37:54 PM »
I think (and others -- feel free to correct me on this) that you need to check Florida statutes and see if there's a potential father registry (or something like that).  Don't sign anything making you definitively responsible for that baby until paternity tests are complete.  I'm assuming you're looking for custody based on the assault and mental issues?


I totally agree- I think some states call it a putative fathers registry- if that helps in finding it.

MomofTwo

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 210
  • Karma: -2
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #3 on: Dec 08, 2009, 08:37:41 PM »
Here is the link to the FL Department of Health. http://www.doh.state.fl.us/planning_eval/vital_statistics/putative.htm
 
You will need to hire an attorney in FL.  I know you want to assume the child is yours, but don't.  You have no rights until the baby is born and paternity testing establishes you as the father.
 
You can offer to help her (financially)  now, but you are not required, nor is she obligated to include you in anything (dr visits, updates, etc..)
 
You will need to file for paternity testing once the baby is born, and once that confirms you are the father, file for what you will file for.   Her being admitted to a mental institution is not a reason to give you custody and the FL courts will not be likely to relinquish jurisdiction to you since you are out of state.   If the child is yours,  and you want to establish a relationship and fight for shared custody, you may want to consider moving back.

josh1688

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 5
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #4 on: Dec 10, 2009, 12:37:19 AM »
Okay, thanks for the advice.
 
I was not aware that a person out of touch with reality could raise a child. She has another daughter already and beats her and swares at her. I would never want my child when confirmed to be raised like that.
 
I know about the punitive father law.
 
I also talked to her yesterday and she swares she can raise both children on her own and does not need me.
 
I plan on moving back as well to hopefully gain fully custudy, Which would involve showing she is incompetent mother. She is paranoid schezphranic, Maniac depressive and has DID aka multiple personality disorder. She tried to commit sucide three times while we were together, once while I was in the car resulting in a crash.
 
My moral deliemma here now is to either let her try to raise the baby or fight. it's alsmot clear she does not want to repair our relationship. Although I still am giving her the oppurtunity too.
 
Thanks,
Josh


ocean

  • Private Reserve
  • SuperHero
  • ***
  • Posts: 5052
  • Karma: 172
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #5 on: Dec 10, 2009, 06:26:43 AM »
Do you have police reports from her suicide attempts and any other incident? Do you have proof she was at any mental hospitals or ER for incidents? Gather any of that info now while you have time. You can get copies of police reports from that area if you ask for them.
Call the family court and get the paperwork for paternity testing and custody so you have that ready to go. Find out which hospital she will be using when she is willing to talk to you so you can call when it gets close to see if she is there and if the baby was born.

MomofTwo

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 210
  • Karma: -2
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #6 on: Dec 10, 2009, 06:32:30 AM »
FL's standard is shared parenting.   Shared parenting in FL does not equate to 50/50.  It is highly unlikely either parent would be granted sole custody. The standard is shared legal custody and shared physical.  Anything other than that, you can be guaranteed a long drawn out expensive battle.   The problem with everything you said (her mental history) is that you knew it and you yet  chose to have sex and bring a baby into this world with her anyway, knowing all of those things.  I am not being mean, but you should have thought about that before you chose to have sex.  FL courts are very funny about that.  Things you knew and ignored tend to not be deciding issues in court, unless she put one of her children in direct harm by her actions.  You would have to show she has had children removed from her, child endangerment records, her being found by a professional to be incompetent to provide and take care of children, your word is not good enough.  They don't take away children due to a mental history alone.   

Davy

  • Sr. Member
  • ******
  • Posts: 1013
  • Karma: -545
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #7 on: Dec 10, 2009, 10:48:45 AM »
Josh

Florida, more so than other states, has an absolutely miserable history in matters dealing with children.  Especially for those involved with social services like DCFS.

Caring and nuturing parents (ie fathers and mothers) and others have been successful for children by presenting the facts to responsible authorities.  I encourage you do the same by focusing your efforts on the child, both short and long term.  You may consider letting go of any emotion you may have for the mother.
 
There may be those making disparaging remarks defining various social policies (or what they want those social policies to be).  Fathers have heard those things for years so learn to deal and combat it.

josh1688

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 5
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #8 on: Dec 10, 2009, 05:37:22 PM »
Thanks for the advice everyone to clear some things up.
 
I have police reports and eywittness testimony of her beating her child as well as me.
She also lied to me about her disorders until after the fact. i did not know of these problems and would of not even dated her HAD I!!! would never wish someone that curse!!!
 
I have been threw nothing but hell with her. That Is why I moved to get away from her and her psycosis, voices, dillusions, panic attacks, and manipulation.
 
 
I had no knowledge until I pressed on about why she acted strange, this was already after she was pregnant and fell in love with her front.

ocean

  • Private Reserve
  • SuperHero
  • ***
  • Posts: 5052
  • Karma: 172
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #9 on: Dec 10, 2009, 06:53:27 PM »
Has her other child/ren ever been taken away from her? CPS ever called? Do you have proof of her diagnosis?
The police reports are good but one piece. You need to prove she is an unfit mother and if she has other kids in the home not being taken away...well... You have a hard case to prove but you can go for 50/50 custody once you know she is the father...

Make sure you are the father first....she has mental illness and this child may not even be yours. Take parenting classes and infant cpr classes (cant hurt if you do it early...). This way you can prove you can take care of an infant. IFFFFFFF you are the father, then have all the baby things and apartment that can accomodate baby stuff. Baby proof house. If you go to a full custody trial then you can ask for pych report be done on both parties and see if that turns anything up. Do you know the other kids father or family? Can you get recent info from them?

josh1688

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 5
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #10 on: Dec 11, 2009, 05:38:56 PM »
 
I consulted therapists and psychologist while we where together. All but one suggested I leave her due to her mental problems. A psychologist told me that just that one condition (schezo) is the AIDS of mental disorders, ontop of the rest.
The one that didn't wanted us to come in and attempt to treat her. She has told me her medications do not work and either sells them or uses them to get high or try to kill herself as she did once with me.
Before we could go she attacked me and that never happened.
 
And yes she is medically diagnosed: Paranoid Schezophrianc, Maniac depressive, OCD, DID, Pathological Lair.
 
 
Thanks I plan on having experts now, to come in and tesitfy on her mental conditons.
 I also have text messages of her voices talking to me. They said, " I make her weak and vunerable, they will not allow me to do this" and many other things. I actually used those texts to support the stalking charges and will use them in this case if I can.
I plan on consulting a lawyer soon baby is due april.
 
 

MomofTwo

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 210
  • Karma: -2
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #11 on: Dec 11, 2009, 07:17:54 PM »
What do you mean you consulted psychologists and therapist about her ?  Was she present? Was she fully evaluated by any of these professionals who gave you this advice?  Was she evaluated by a  psychiatrist?  If she was not fully evaluated by the therapist and psychologist, their professional opinions will mean nothing and if they did evaluate her and then told you what their findings were, they were in severe breach of confidentiality.  I find it very difficult to believe you got all of these opinions regarding her without her being evaluated, and being a former healthcare professional, I find it very difficult that any professional would say schizophrenia is the AIDS Of mental health disorders. AIDS is a treatable disease these days and so is mental illness. It's not her fault she is ill, and that's what she is - it is an illness. Again, her being diagnosed with those illnesses may be a factor for custody, but not unless she has posed a threat to her children with her illnesses, it may or may not have a bearing. Just be ready for that.   

josh1688

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 5
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #12 on: Dec 12, 2009, 10:47:15 PM »
Now she just threatened me that If I don't sign over full rights to the baby, she will abort it.
 
She is insane, out of touch of reality and now threatening our daughters life with "Termination of Pregnancy". Thankfully my parents didn;t abort me. As I am sure everyone here can agree on. I am not sure if she can legally get on this late in florida.
 
 
I am very upset, my friend had told me to call DCF becuase she is usuing a 23 week old baby to blackmail me. Then call the cops for her violating her no contact with me.
 
This situation sucks, now I have to worry about our daughter's life.. I was tempted to do it for our daughters sake, but then realized I don't have any rights until confrimation of paternity.
 
So that is moot, I think she means to sign a letter so she can use againts me if I ever try to gain custudy, whcih is my plan.

mdegol

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 88
  • Karma: -8
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #13 on: Dec 13, 2009, 06:39:30 AM »
Horrible situation.

Sounds like diagnosis is well-documented.  You need to balance the baby's safety with not forcing the situation so that mother harms herself or baby.  In other words, I would not broadcast the plan until you are able to implement it.  Actually, trying to work things out, so that you are there everyday, gives you the most power, but I don't see how you could stay in that situation very long.  You call it "hell", and I would imagine it could be worse than that.  When the time comes, you should be asking for full-custody.  Consult a lawyer to strategize your options.  It would be very nice if a paternity test could be swabbed at birth and the results be confirmed prior to the baby going home from the hospital.  She sounds very unbalanced and I would be frightened for her to care for the baby by herself.  You could(should) make her have supervised visits and standards regarding medication being properly adhered to.  As far as her threatening abortion, there are only a couple of places in the country that do abortions that late.  You won't be able to stop it, because "health of mother" is a reason, and her mental history would have many agreeing that it is not best for mother's health to have a baby.  Is she the type to go through hell and high water to try to get that done?  Or do you think it is just a threat?  If she harms herself to abort baby, I am not sure what you can do about that, except try to have her committed (can't do that based on her "harming" baby, since baby isn't born yet, but she would be harming herself in the process).  That is very tough, especially since you are not a family member.  What are her family's feelings on the situation, and would they back you up?  They have a bit more power regarding a mentally ill adult who is off meds and threatening harm to herself.  And her mother could file for custody upon birth, considering her mental status and threats.  That would be where the "strategy" comes into play.  Pushed too hard though, sounds like this mother will harm herself to get out of the situation.  The threat of losing her child, mental illness or not, is what is scaring the hell out of her and why she wants you to terminate your rights.  In the meantime, find out if your state is a one-party state or a  two-party state.  If it is a one party state, start recording these conversations.

ocean

  • Private Reserve
  • SuperHero
  • ***
  • Posts: 5052
  • Karma: 172
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #14 on: Dec 13, 2009, 07:57:37 AM »
You have a current order of protection in place now? File against her...(need proof, phone records, texts, emails) Then go to the local court that gave you order and ask for email access only to get info on baby (she would only be able to email you...great proof later).

She has custody of the other kids so getting custody from hospital will be next to impossible. Something would need to happen for the other kids to be taken away before cps will take the baby away. She is taking care of the other children and that will show the courts she can do it. The courts are concerned about if the kids eat, own bed, get to school on time, go to dr when needed. You would need to prove abuse...not just say I see her hit the other kids. Proving it you would need police reports, hospital records, being taken away, past cps reports, school incidents with other kids.

For now string her along so she gets further into the pregnancy and have her charged with violating the order of protection. That will be legal trouble for her and may help your case but you need a way to communicate with her (email or text?) for the baby only.

Kitty C.

  • Moderator
  • SuperHero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2612
  • Karma: 938
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #15 on: Dec 13, 2009, 11:19:24 AM »
This is just my opinion, but here goes:
 
I think your least concern is the violation of the no contact order.  With her mental history, do NOT take her threat to abort lightly!  If you have this threat in writing, RUN....don't walk.....to your nearest law enforcement agnecy and DHS/CPS and report it.  Take everything you have n documentation to back up your statements, including everything you have regarding her past mental history.  Right now, the life of that child is in danger and everything else is a moot point if she follows through on her threat.  And yes, she can abort.........there are places where they do late term abortions.  You don't say what state you're in, but if she's that crazy, she may not find an 'authorized facility' to take care of it, but take matters into her own hands, if you know what I mean.  You canNOT think logically about this, because she is obviously incapable of thinking logically about it.  If she could, she would never make that threat.
 
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

ocean

  • Private Reserve
  • SuperHero
  • ***
  • Posts: 5052
  • Karma: 172
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #16 on: Dec 13, 2009, 01:21:26 PM »
Kitty- I agree with you but so far women can abort if they want to without the father's permission. Not sure if cps will entertain the threat...

Kitty C.

  • Moderator
  • SuperHero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2612
  • Karma: 938
    • View Profile
Re: EX- Girlfriend called me
« Reply #17 on: Dec 13, 2009, 02:35:54 PM »
I realize that, but I'm basing my response on the mother's mental state.  For all we know, if she chooses to go through with it, she just might decide to do it herself.......and that makes her not only a threat to the unborn child but a threat to herself as well.  Given that it could be a late term abortion, and depending on where she lives, she may have to go a long distance and pay a lot of money to do it in a medically safe manner.  One never knows what goes on in the mind of someone who is mentally unstable and she could very easily justify in her own mind doing harm to herself just to meet the end she desires.  Thus, if the OP can prove that she is unstable and a possible threat to herself and the unborn child, garnering the safety of the mother gives the possibility of the unborn child a greater chance of surviving.
 
Once the survival of the child is certain, then the OP will possibly have a case for paternity and custody.  Without the survival of the child, everything else is a moot point......
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

 

Copyright © SPARC - A Parenting Advocacy Group
Use of this website does not constitute a client/attorney relationship and this site does not provide legal advice.
If you need legal assistance for divorce, child custody, or child support issues, seek advice from a divorce lawyer.