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 In Portland Oregon, about four months ago my wife left me because she thought I was cheating on her.  She then drew up her own schedule stating I could have my boys 7yrs and 3yrs old two days a week.  I told her I didn't want to sign it afraid it could come back to haunt me.   In hopes we would figure it out and be civil.  Turns out while I am at work and living on my buddies couch she is hanging out with some guy her X best friends X husband.  Due to their ongoing drug habit my wife broke off being friends with the gal and absolutely despised this guy.  Eventually I get wind of her staying at this guy’s house and going on trips to the beach and whatnot from my son the 7yr old who I married into, I came into his life when he was 2 yrs old and has called me daddy since.  I found all this out on the first night they were going to stay with me at my house that she had moved out of.  We were lying around watching a movie with my folks and she gets the 7 yr old on the phone and talks him into going with her to this guy’s house even though he looked me into the eyes while the phone is on speaker and told her yes.  But I could see he didn’t want to.
Next thing I know stbx drops off divorce papers stating I can only be with my children with supervision because I have made them watch pornographic movies.  Yet my own son is there with me.

About a week later she tried to get a restraining order and the judge denied her.  She then proceeds to take my kids into DHS and they give her the advice of getting a Temporary Custody Order.   Because of the allegations she took to dhs.  Of course DHS has to do their thing now and they do.  My kids go through CARES as well as multiple meetings with DHS.  Meanwhile all I hear and know what’s going on is from the words of my X via text message or intense phone calls on her behalf while she is spun out on pills.  (I know this because multiple people around town and neighbors said she and her boyfriend who has a huge addiction are buying them up)  She is saying I did the worst off the worst possible things; any loving father would kill someone if he knew someone had done this to his boys.  Anyway, I have a meeting with dhs at my own home with my attorney and she says she will be closing the case!

What a relief right?  Wrong.  We went to court to get this custody order dropped.  DHS went on stage, said there was concerns but no hard or tangible evidence of my kids being sexually abused and that in a few days time she will be closing her file.  Next, a counselor testified stating that my 7yr old boy told her he was “touched inappropriately” and it sounded like someone loaded his lips.  The DA had a picture of my 3yr old from an old phone that was forensically checked out because my X turned it over to the cops they were threatened by her so they turned it over to the DA because they have immunity.   Sure enough everyone checked out this picture and I guess my X is the only one in the world who thinks it’s wrong.  Long story short my X goes on the stand and puts on a show.  The judge rules the Custody Order stays in Place and kids go through counseling and DHS continues to work the case until they feel the need to close it.

About a month ago around Halloween, I being an idiot hook up with X, yes she’s cheating on her boyfriend but I guess really she and I are still married.  She kicks him out we hang out, I stay the night there a few times.  She tells me my 7yr old admitted to her that everything was a lie and next day she would go in and straighten up with dhs.  The following day get a text from her first thing in the morning telling me to get lost because once again she is disgusted by the words out of my little boys mouth.
Two weeks ago I finally get the letter I have been waiting for from DHS stating that the case is closed “unable to determine” from what I hear that’s how they close most all their cases.  YA!!  Well sure enough I find out from my X that there is another file opened.  She tells me it’s because the kids have said some new stuff to the counselor and she has to report it.  I don’t see how this is possible because I have seen my boy 3ry old maybe 10 times in four months all with supervision and my older boy 2 times with supervision.
 It’s pretty apparent to me that they wouldn’t open up a new file unless someone made a claim to DHS.

The worst part is with the new case they put a different case worker on it because the 1st one felt threatened.  Now I am just sitting here waiting to go to court in January.



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« Reply #1 on: Dec 28, 2009, 06:07:04 PM »
If you did nothing wrong and have witnesses then nothing to worry about.

Yes it is probably frustrating.

You should of filed for divorce first and for full custody.

Now you know this woman can not be trusted.

The thing about all this is people will listen to a kid.
If the child is telling the truth then they should be listening and protecting.

If the child is lying then you cannot afford to ever be alone with the child again.

I would ask for a meeting between the mother, you and the attorneys to discuss all this.
If you can stay calm then all this needs discussed and hope the mother calms down.

If she really believes you are a perv then she is an even bigger one for sleeping with you.

Best of luck to you.


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« Reply #2 on: Dec 29, 2009, 02:34:19 PM »
First off, I hope you've figured out that ever sleeping with your ex again is a really bad idea.
Second, get the name of the supervisor for the two DHS agents.  Contact the supervisor and tell him/her that you would like a letter outlining the previous case that was closed and stating why the case was closed.  You also want a letter stating what the claims are for the current case.
In my experience, you're always better off getting anything and everything from DHS/CPS in writing - because if it's not written in stone they change things all the time.
Next, since your time with your boys was all supervised, get letters from the people who supervised the time.  Copy those letters and send them or hand them to the current agent.
Document, document, document!  Get letters and keep track of everything.  Track the days you had the boys on a calendar.  Keep written records of everything you can remember happening.  The more information you have and the more of a pattern you can show with how you handle the boys, the better off you are.  When you know what you're talking about and can point to days, times and people, the judge is more likely to see you as truthful (and be truthful about it, don't give the judge a reason to not believe in you).
Good luck!


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