Welcome!
Court is very, very stressful. It sounds like you are getting closer to the end of the first phase. There were MANY days/nights that my
DH and I would be overly stressed about the trial.
Does he have anything in writing now on when he has child? Stick to the schedule. If not, see lawyer/court will give you temporary orders so you are not dealing with mother as much. Read this site for great hints on what to put into the order so it it concrete, no room for her to wiggle. If she uses a daycare, ask that you pick up child there so you do not have to see her. Or ask that mother does not get out of car or say anything at exchanges. Child comes out of house with small backpack to you. Since you have child 50/50 you should have a lot of his stuff by you anyway.
Start to distance yourselves from her. NO contact unless you have to now. Make a pact not to talk to her on phone. Change all numbers except his cell for her to leave messages. Use email/text to answer her. Only answer if you MUST and a few words to cover the answer "yes, pick up at 6pm", IGNORE everything else.
Document everything that is going on. When you get to mediation, ask for Joint legal and him having final medical decisions as mother has refused to take child to dr. Get recommendation from dr in writing.
Get your lawyer moving, set up mediation if your state requires it. Set up dates, get in. If it does not work, ask for trial to be set.
Make time for your DH and you. Go for walks, exercise, read a book, take a bath. Will he go to counseling with you? Sounds like he is very stressed.
I will say, in our case, the mother never got over it. We are still dealing with it years and years later. Maybe put off the wedding/children until after trial. Things should calm down once you get perm orders. Then you document her actions in a book and see where it goes.
Some people do not talk at exchanges, but send a notebook back and forth. Says when appointments are, what the child ate last, diaper changed...whatever. You can start this.
Just because the evaluator says 50/50 does not mean a judge will do that. Usually they go with them BUT if you have more evidence before court, it may change things.
Dr issue- If he has anything in writing now to the 50/50 or
joint custody (and even not), on his time with child, take child to dr. Do what needs to be done. Then tell her what the dr said. If you have child for few days, then if it was brought up in court, your BF will have dr recommendation and prescription to have the test done and bring child to lab next day to do it. Sometimes, by telling mother every single detail before it happens makes your life miserable. When he has child, he is the parent. Unless it is a major issue, he parents. Just like she does not say every little thing.
It is a long long road. Most of us here are here because we have dealt with it for many years. It will be an uphill battle for another year probably (trials take forever...). Have a sit down with your BF or write him a letter, then have a talk. You need to be on the same page and support each other. Only you can answer if you will be able to handle this. There are things that you can do to avoid dealing with mother every day BUT during trial it is a little tougher. Do things by the current order, ask for extra time in writing, in
court order ask that mother must ask you to babysit over anybody else including her husband or other family. Is there other family that can take BF out and talk to him? Give him a break every once in a while especially during trial?
For you: Go see a counselor yourself. They will give you ideas and get you to think about what you want. Take some time for you.
Post on here with questions...and if you do stay, read here for many great ideas so your life will be a "little" less stressful.