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Author Topic: bio dad unwilling to compromise on visitation.  (Read 6528 times)

twistedtmama

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bio dad unwilling to compromise on visitation.
« on: Jun 29, 2011, 05:35:58 PM »
My son is four almost five, he will be attending kindergarten soon, I have talked to bio dad about switching times, days, or even picking him up from school. He says it isn't his responsiblity to pick up his son at school. He refuses to switch day to the weekend because thats his days to go out with his friends. He pretty much told me his visitation is more important and that I should homeschool our son. What should I do?


ocean

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Re: bio dad unwilling to compromise on visitation.
« Reply #1 on: Jun 29, 2011, 05:47:36 PM »
What exactly does you court order say regarding his visitation?

Send him a certified letter in mail:
Ex,
As you know, xx will be starting Kindergarten on XX date. Please let me know by email/mail on what day/time you would like to switch to once xx starts school.
You

Then once school starts, see what happens. If it bothers you that much, you can ask for a modification to visitation since child is now school age and visitation needs to change to after school/weekends. (probably better that way then it is in writing....and done. No arguing every week.). You can file in family court -usually free or small fee to file a change.

Waylon

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Re: bio dad unwilling to compromise on visitation.
« Reply #2 on: Jun 29, 2011, 05:57:53 PM »
My son is four almost five, he will be attending kindergarten soon, I have talked to bio dad about switching times, days, or even picking him up from school. He says it isn't his responsiblity to pick up his son at school. He refuses to switch day to the weekend because thats his days to go out with his friends. He pretty much told me his visitation is more important and that I should homeschool our son. What should I do?

I think you should keep doing what you're doing and NOT home school the child.

If he refuses to pick the child up as part of parental duties, that might very well make a judge cranky. Dad isn't going to want that.

In addition, not many judges will buy his argument and impose the burden of home schooling on you. Lol, that's just NOT gonna happen.

The fact is that your son is getting older- schedules and responsibilities change over time and dad needs to understand and accept it.

Just my 2 cents.
The trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

twistedtmama

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Re: bio dad unwilling to compromise on visitation.
« Reply #3 on: Jun 29, 2011, 06:03:41 PM »
Right now court order says every other Tuesday 9am to 5pm, thats why I tried to settle outside of court rather then have to file everytime we want a change in the parenting plan because it's just ridiculous we should be able to compromise and make changes rather then be in court constantly. I asked for a change because my son has to attend summer school this summer mon-thur from 8:30am to 11:30am, and I won't have enough time to file in court before summer school starts. I asked him if he could pick him up after school on Tuesdays he told me absolutely not, and that it's not his responsibility. Everything regarding our son he says is not his responsiblity. Hello part of being a parent is doing for your child.

I asked him if we could switch to either Saturday or Sunday because my son will be in kindergarten mon-fri 8:20am to 2:20pm, I asked him if he could possibly pick him up at 2:20 and keep him until 7ish he said no, so thats when I offered a weekend day he also said no to that too, and it's not even like he works full time and has a busy schedule. It just bothers me that he isn't willing to compromise because everytime he asked for a change in hrs or days I always agreed, to avoid court and to do whats in best interest for my son. But when I ask for a change he says no and that bothers me.

ocean

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Re: bio dad unwilling to compromise on visitation.
« Reply #4 on: Jun 29, 2011, 06:14:17 PM »
You have a long way to go still. Pick your battles BUT this one you really should get in writing with the courts but you can wait for him to file. Since the child is now school age, it needs to change. Send him a letter so you have proof that you tried and then just tell him "hey, xx IS going to Kindergarten, pick alternate days". Then leave it be. You can not force him to take him.

Try to do things in writing..email? texts that you can save? Then treat him as a business partner. Ignore any craziness (like homeschooling!) and only respond when a question needs to be answered and one or two sentences long. "yes, you can pick up xx at 2pm on sat"...


twistedtmama

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Re: bio dad unwilling to compromise on visitation.
« Reply #5 on: Jun 29, 2011, 06:20:00 PM »
What if the new parenting times aren't granted yet, and if he misses visitation due to school does that mean I will be in contempt?

ocean

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Re: bio dad unwilling to compromise on visitation.
« Reply #6 on: Jun 29, 2011, 06:38:52 PM »
No, they will ask him why he did not file sooner to work this out, that is why I suggested that you send that letter (and proof without signature) so you can show you tried and used common sense.

He can not make you homeschool. They will laugh him out of court with that defense. Usually parents go back and get a new parenting plan or have one that says "when child reaches Kindergarten, it will change to xyz" to avoid going back like you will have to.

In the letter you can even offer 2-3 choices and then say "if those do not work for you, let me know in writing of your suggestions". You can say if you do not hear from him by xx you will file with the courts. If you file now, you should get in by Aug. Here is takes about a month to get in, little longer in summer.

Is there a reason he is not getting the reg parenting schedule and overnights? Usually he should be getting every other weekend and one day during the week so ...you may want to wait and see if he files...

twistedtmama

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Re: bio dad unwilling to compromise on visitation.
« Reply #7 on: Jun 29, 2011, 06:47:30 PM »
Thats the thing he starts summer school on July 11th which a new court order will not be granted before summer school. So then will I be in contempt?
 
The reason why he is not getting once a week and every other weekend is because at first he had overnights but then he canceled every weekend so judge took the weekends away, so they gave him once a week, and he canceled those too, so the fact that he was so inconsistent the judge gave him every other tuesday.

Kitty C.

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Re: bio dad unwilling to compromise on visitation.
« Reply #8 on: Jun 29, 2011, 08:13:04 PM »
Just one question....if he hasn't started kindergarten yet, why is he going to summer school?  If it's basically considered a type of daycare then, IMO, you might be in contempt if you fail to have him available for his father on the days he's currently CO'd to have the child.  Courts view school and daycare as two separate entities.
 
I may be all washed up regarding this...but that's the first impression that I had....
 
As for the rest (kindergarten and his demand that you homeschool), I agree with the other posters here....
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

ocean

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Re: bio dad unwilling to compromise on visitation.
« Reply #9 on: Jun 30, 2011, 07:26:23 AM »
Good point... I just figured this child was maybe special needs and had a 12 month program?

The schooling has to be through the public school and not daycare. If child has IEP, bring that with you to court to show child needed to go to school and you offered after school or a day on the weekend.

If this is a summer school that the district is running for new Kindergarteners, then I would have child go but skip Tuesdays and be with dad.

Bottom line is that dad needs to change visitation, either July or Sept. Sounds like he is not one to push and be there so up to you. Bring it to court and get it settled for the next 12 years or stuck arguing.

 

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