You can ask for court ordered counseling to be ordered. Try to find someone and start them when you have them. Since he has
joint custody, he can make appointments on his time.
Also, you need to start dealing with her in a very limited manner. Switch over to email for all communication. Change all numbers except one cell and let it go to voicemail if she calls. Then text her back an answer ONLY if she really needs one. Answer emails in a very short manner with the answers she needs and IGNORE everything else.
For the kids, they feel the tension from both houses knowing you both do not like each other. Have a family meeting and just say we will have a good time here, be a family, respect each other. The judge said these are the days you come here (make a calendar for them to keep at your house). When you get older we can see if the judge will change the order. We want you to have be happy at both houses.
Do not ask them about mom's or send anything over there. Just going to make it worse. Document anything you can over the next year or so. They are still young. If you go back to court, you can ask for a law guardian for the children. This is a person that will talk to them and ask them what they want and make their wishes known to the court. They are still young so ....unless they had abuse or neglect stories it probably will not change anything. In a year, you can ask for an increase in time, if you have issues (school work not being done on her time, grades on her time, refused visits).
Go by the
court order, no matter what. Take the kids for all court ordered time. DO not switch if she will not work with you. Send her registered letters quoting the court order and follow it. If she does not follow the
parenting plan, you can file contempt on missed visits.
As for your daughter, she should never talk/see their mother. Keep her away from her. Try not to talk to her about adult stuff either.
Enjoy the time with the girls, get involved in their school, teachers. Go to their activities even if it is not your time but stay on the other side of the room/field. Tell girls if it is not your time, you are their to see them and will just wave to them goodbye and see them next time.
Welcome.....many of us have dealt with what you describe. Most times you can not change mom. Time sometimes changes things but mom will have trouble when they get to be teens and refuse to stay with her...just keep a stable life on your side and demand respect in your house.