Advice needed pls on court case

[Heston]

I tried posting this in my previous thread but the formatting went haywire, so I've reposted it here.

Well, the hearing took place - in a way.  I had also asked for mediation since I am representing myself.  The judge ordered that the hearing for both motions will be heard in a couple of months for a whole day.  That much is good, because the contempt issues will be heard with the BMs motion and my counter motion.  The mediator was unpleasant to say the least and I realize I am in for a tough time.  I really could do with some advice.

First off, since the CO went into force, the BM has been in contempt on a regular basis.  She denies visits with stall tactics and does the same with make-up visits.  She makes excuses and stalls and then turns around and says sorry, your opportunity for make-up time has "expired"!  Sometimes at this point she claims that I "forfeited" my time.  The other regular tactic is to state that I may have my child but only if I go and pick her up, contrary to the CO.  I don't do it as I know it's a set-up.  My daughter has even informed me many times recently that on the days the BM emailed to say I could only see her if I picked her up, that she (my daughter) had been told she was not allowed to see me that day.  In other words, they ensure the child would refuse to go with me, for fear of punishment.  They film everything.  So they would have a ton of videos showing the child's reluctance, if I were to go there.

The BM is also in contempt concerning sickness.  The CO states sickness should not prevent the child spending parental time with either parent unless a drs letter is produced stating the child cannot be driven to the other parent.  The BM simply claims the child is sick and cannot spend parental time with me and does not offer proof.  She also uses the above mentioned tactics to deny me make up time.

I have email proof which shows a pattern of behavior, but judges don't have time to read through hundreds or thousands of emails.  The BM is in contempt on who brings the child, who the drivers are etc.  In previous orders I collected my child from the BMs home, but due to the BM and her husband making scenes that were upsetting to the child, the CO requires that the BM brings the child to me, which has worked out on one level, apart from constant lateness, which can also be proved.  All the BMs drivers bring the child late too.  There is more contempt along these lines.  Basically, I can provide proof of much of the contempt.  I only included issues in the contempt motion that are provable.  There are other serious contempt issues which are not included, such as PAS on a big scale and abuse.  Very difficult to prove.


Now to the worsening problems...Research tells me judges rarely change COs within the first 2 years.  The BM applied to have it changed within 15 months.  The BM is asking that exchanges are changed back to the way they were.  In other words, changed to what she has been doing when in contempt of the current order.  The goal here is to force me to collect a child who will be made too terrified to leave with me.  They get tons of videos of this, and apply to have my joint custody revoked. 

One way to change a CO of less than 2 years is to prove one parent is proving a serious threat to the child's wellbeing.  That is the BMs tactic.  She is asking for medical records, hoping to prove I have mental issues.  On that score I have nothing to worry about, but it reveals their plan.  In previous posts I mentioned the "counseler".  The BM got herself a counseler who doesn't have the skills or intelligence to realize what is going on.  Instead this counseler has been duped by the BM.  She is not the first to be duped, however, and won't be the last, because the BM is adept at deception and playing people.  Instead of the counseler treating only my daughter, she has taken on the BM and her other kids.  She has shown absolute bias towards me the whole time.  When I tried to explain what the BM is really like, she has turned a deaf ear.  When I requested my child's records she refused until I contacted her boss.  It was obvious to me the bulk of the records had been produced hastily and long after the events took place.

The records do contain some evidence that casts a bad light on the BM, such as her leaving the child for weeks on end, with her mom.  But the records do not show me in a good light.  Due to my concern for my daughter and the counseler being so biased towards the BM, I contacted the counseler many times in attempts to inform her what was really going on.  I just wanted her to realize things were not as she thought they were so she could help my daughter, there was no motive other than that.  But because of the picture the BM obviously painted of me, the counseler  was hostile and closed minded towards me.  She has been enabling bad behavior for a long time now.  It took dozens of emails to persuade her to issue the medical records.  She gave them begrudgingly, informing me the records had been sent and told me not to contact her again and that if I did she would call the police.  This was totally over the top behavior from the counseler.  But again, it does not look good.  I subsequently reported the counseler to two organizations and both are looking into the situation.  I was happy to show the organizations all my emails.  Nothing I said or did merited the final response from the counseler.  At the mediation, I learned that the BM is bringing the counseler to court to give evidence.  This will be very damaging, even though undeservedly.

A couple of days after the hearing/mediation, I was due to have weekend parental time with my daughter.  I waited and waited and emailed the BM asking if she was on her way.  No response.  An hour and a half passed by from drop off time.  The BM is always late but not often an hour and a half.  I had to take my other child to an appointment and left home around 7.15.  When I returned there was a msg from the local police.  It turns out the BM brought my child very late (obviously intentional to ensure I would not be home).  She got a police escort.  (And btw, she is requesting that I never get a police escort as it will upset the child!).  She showed the cop a bag of vomit.  She claimed my child had vomitted at the thought of spending parental time with me.  The cop wouldn't get involved except to say, she should perhaps take her home.  Mission accomplished.  She proves she showed up.  She "proves" the child did not want to see me.  She creates fake "evidence" to show to the court.  She will tell the child to tell the counseler she was so nervous of seeing her dad that she was sick and threw up.  The counseler will include that in her notes and when questioned at the hearing.  My daughter has never been sick or nervous of seeing me before, when her mom has brought her.  It is obvious it's a set up, fuelled by the mom's fury that she will not be getting such an easy ride in the courtroom as she expected.  And no coincidence it happened two days after we attended court.

Claiming the child was sick, leads down another road.  Why was the child "sick" ?  What happens during parental time that she is so afraid of?  You can see where this may be headed.  The BM has another couple of months to create more "evidence" to back her case.

I took my daughter to a good counseler a few months ago.  The BM attended just once.  From then on, once she found this counseler could not be duped, she stopped my daughter attending.  She used the same stall tactics and never said an outright "no".  The reason is because the BM has been instructing the child on what to tell the counseler of her choice and does not want the child telling the truth to another counseler.  Believe me, I have tried everything to get my daughter there.  So, I have no evidence from an objective counseler on what my daughter has been going through. 

I have a case filled with logic, truth and evidence of consistent contempt of the order.  I don't think it will be enough to counter their vindictive campaign.  They want to convince the court that my child does not want to see me and that I am a bad person.   They have a slick and ruthless lawyer.  My previous lawyer warned me recently that he is not a nice person, to put it nicely.

The BM has a history of addiction but the court won't allow records into court that go back far enough to prove it.  My child is living in a very dangerous environment.  If the BM and her husband succeed, I have grave concerns for my daughter.  The BM and her husband have done more awful stuff but I don't think I should put it all down in a public forum.  I have evidence on the BM but not the sort that is admissible.  Mine would be deemed "hearsay", whereas with the aid of the "counseler", the lies and fake evidence produced by the BM are likely to be regarded as "actual" evidence.

If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.

[tigger]

Your post was very difficult to read due to the light font.  I'm reposting it with darker font.:

I tried posting this in my previous thread but the formatting went haywire, so I've reposted it here.

Well, the hearing took place - in a way.  I had also asked for mediation since I am representing myself.  The judge ordered that the hearing for both motions will be heard in a couple of months for a whole day.  That much is good, because the contempt issues will be heard with the BMs motion and my counter motion.  The mediator was unpleasant to say the least and I realize I am in for a tough time.  I really could do with some advice.

First off, since the CO went into force, the BM has been in contempt on a regular basis.  She denies visits with stall tactics and does the same with make-up visits.  She makes excuses and stalls and then turns around and says sorry, your opportunity for make-up time has "expired"!  Sometimes at this point she claims that I "forfeited" my time.  The other regular tactic is to state that I may have my child but only if I go and pick her up, contrary to the CO.  I don't do it as I know it's a set-up.  My daughter has even informed me many times recently that on the days the BM emailed to say I could only see her if I picked her up, that she (my daughter) had been told she was not allowed to see me that day.  In other words, they ensure the child would refuse to go with me, for fear of punishment.  They film everything.  So they would have a ton of videos showing the child's reluctance, if I were to go there.

The BM is also in contempt concerning sickness.  The CO states sickness should not prevent the child spending parental time with either parent unless a drs letter is produced stating the child cannot be driven to the other parent.  The BM simply claims the child is sick and cannot spend parental time with me and does not offer proof.  She also uses the above mentioned tactics to deny me make up time.

I have email proof which shows a pattern of behavior, but judges don't have time to read through hundreds or thousands of emails.  The BM is in contempt on who brings the child, who the drivers are etc.  In previous orders I collected my child from the BMs home, but due to the BM and her husband making scenes that were upsetting to the child, the CO requires that the BM brings the child to me, which has worked out on one level, apart from constant lateness, which can also be proved.  All the BMs drivers bring the child late too.  There is more contempt along these lines.  Basically, I can provide proof of much of the contempt.  I only included issues in the contempt motion that are provable.  There are other serious contempt issues which are not included, such as PAS on a big scale and abuse.  Very difficult to prove.


Now to the worsening problems...Research tells me judges rarely change COs within the first 2 years.  The BM applied to have it changed within 15 months.  The BM is asking that exchanges are changed back to the way they were.  In other words, changed to what she has been doing when in contempt of the current order.  The goal here is to force me to collect a child who will be made too terrified to leave with me.  They get tons of videos of this, and apply to have my joint custody revoked. 

One way to change a CO of less than 2 years is to prove one parent is proving a serious threat to the child's wellbeing.  That is the BMs tactic.  She is asking for medical records, hoping to prove I have mental issues.  On that score I have nothing to worry about, but it reveals their plan.  In previous posts I mentioned the "counseler".  The BM got herself a counseler who doesn't have the skills or intelligence to realize what is going on.  Instead this counseler has been duped by the BM.  She is not the first to be duped, however, and won't be the last, because the BM is adept at deception and playing people.  Instead of the counseler treating only my daughter, she has taken on the BM and her other kids.  She has shown absolute bias towards me the whole time.  When I tried to explain what the BM is really like, she has turned a deaf ear.  When I requested my child's records she refused until I contacted her boss.  It was obvious to me the bulk of the records had been produced hastily and long after the events took place.

The records do contain some evidence that casts a bad light on the BM, such as her leaving the child for weeks on end, with her mom.  But the records do not show me in a good light.  Due to my concern for my daughter and the counseler being so biased towards the BM, I contacted the counseler many times in attempts to inform her what was really going on.  I just wanted her to realize things were not as she thought they were so she could help my daughter, there was no motive other than that.  But because of the picture the BM obviously painted of me, the counseler  was hostile and closed minded towards me.  She has been enabling bad behavior for a long time now.  It took dozens of emails to persuade her to issue the medical records.  She gave them begrudgingly, informing me the records had been sent and told me not to contact her again and that if I did she would call the police.  This was totally over the top behavior from the counseler.  But again, it does not look good.  I subsequently reported the counseler to two organizations and both are looking into the situation.  I was happy to show the organizations all my emails.  Nothing I said or did merited the final response from the counseler.  At the mediation, I learned that the BM is bringing the counseler to court to give evidence.  This will be very damaging, even though undeservedly.

A couple of days after the hearing/mediation, I was due to have weekend parental time with my daughter.  I waited and waited and emailed the BM asking if she was on her way.  No response.  An hour and a half passed by from drop off time.  The BM is always late but not often an hour and a half.  I had to take my other child to an appointment and left home around 7.15.  When I returned there was a msg from the local police.  It turns out the BM brought my child very late (obviously intentional to ensure I would not be home).  She got a police escort.  (And btw, she is requesting that I never get a police escort as it will upset the child!).  She showed the cop a bag of vomit.  She claimed my child had vomitted at the thought of spending parental time with me.  The cop wouldn't get involved except to say, she should perhaps take her home.  Mission accomplished.  She proves she showed up.  She "proves" the child did not want to see me.  She creates fake "evidence" to show to the court.  She will tell the child to tell the counseler she was so nervous of seeing her dad that she was sick and threw up.  The counseler will include that in her notes and when questioned at the hearing.  My daughter has never been sick or nervous of seeing me before, when her mom has brought her.  It is obvious it's a set up, fuelled by the mom's fury that she will not be getting such an easy ride in the courtroom as she expected.  And no coincidence it happened two days after we attended court.

Claiming the child was sick, leads down another road.  Why was the child "sick" ?  What happens during parental time that she is so afraid of?  You can see where this may be headed.  The BM has another couple of months to create more "evidence" to back her case.

I took my daughter to a good counseler a few months ago.  The BM attended just once.  From then on, once she found this counseler could not be duped, she stopped my daughter attending.  She used the same stall tactics and never said an outright "no".  The reason is because the BM has been instructing the child on what to tell the counseler of her choice and does not want the child telling the truth to another counseler.  Believe me, I have tried everything to get my daughter there.  So, I have no evidence from an objective counseler on what my daughter has been going through. 

I have a case filled with logic, truth and evidence of consistent contempt of the order.  I don't think it will be enough to counter their vindictive campaign.  They want to convince the court that my child does not want to see me and that I am a bad person.   They have a slick and ruthless lawyer.  My previous lawyer warned me recently that he is not a nice person, to put it nicely.

The BM has a history of addiction but the court won't allow records into court that go back far enough to prove it.  My child is living in a very dangerous environment.  If the BM and her husband succeed, I have grave concerns for my daughter.  The BM and her husband have done more awful stuff but I don't think I should put it all down in a public forum.  I have evidence on the BM but not the sort that is admissible.  Mine would be deemed "hearsay", whereas with the aid of the "counseler", the lies and fake evidence produced by the BM are likely to be regarded as "actual" evidence.

If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.
                                                                                                               

[gemini3]

Does BM have a lawyer?  Who filed the original motion, and for what.  Are there counter motions?

[Heston]

Yes, the BM does have a lawyer.  The BM was in contempt of the CO for the reasons I already mentioned (and more) but yet it was the BM who filed the first motion that started this recent stuff.  The BM filed a motion asking that parental exchanges be changed back to how they were, to how she has been doing things in contravention of the CO.  I then filed a counter motion as well as a contempt motion to show she has ignored the CO and now wants things changed to the way she has already decided to do things.  Plus I listed other contempt issues, but only the ones I can prove.

[gemini3]

Ok, so first let's deal with the motion to modify the original order.  In order for that to happen, the petitioner must show that a "material change in circumstance" has occured.  There's some confusion about what this actually means.  This site has a good article on the subject that can be found here:  http://deltabravo.net/custody/circumstances.php (http://deltabravo.net/custody/circumstances.php)

So, unless that test has been met, you can expect that the judge won't approve any changes.  You should bring this up right out of the gate and ask that the case be dismissed because no material change in circumstances has occured.  The judge will probably hear both sides before determining whether or not that's true... and then after hearing everything should deny her motion.  (I say "should" cause anything goes in family court.)  Focus on that issue.

Regarding your side...  I would ask for supervised custody exchanges.  That way she can't deny you, and if she tries to upset the child before the exchange it will be witnessed and reported to the court.  You'll probably have to pay - but in this case I think it would be worth it.

If her lawyer is as slick as you say, I would ask for a court reporter to have a transcript of the proceedings (if it's not automatic where you live).  If the judge approves a change to the CO with no matertial change in circumstances you can appeal it.  But you will need transcripts.  Judges are a lot more cautious about what they say or do when there's going to be a record.

[Heston]

Thanks.  I will check that article out.  When the BM filed the motion a few months ago, there was no change in circumstance.  When she appeared at the hearing it turns out she is pregnant, but that is recent, and after the filing.  I don't know if judges would distinguish between it happening afterwards or not.  She has been using other drivers anyway, so surely that would not be a good reason for change.

As to supervised drop offs, that could be difficult because the BM lives in another state, even tho not far away, and the court system is in a different state where she is and the cops. 

What concerns me the most is that the BM and her lawyer are going to try and get their way by discrediting me.  They know they don't have a chance unless they do that.  They can get an order changed if the child is in danger if it is not changed, and that is the angle they are coming from, even tho their motions don't say that.  I got the impression that they are intending to do a counter motion to my counter motion as well, although I don't know if that is allowed.   

They have been creating "evidence" by having my child tell the counseler stuff and writing letters to the counseler.  The counseler is totally biased and is being called as a witness.  I have evidence to discredit the counseler but am not sure how much notice the judge will take of what she will say.   What worries me most is the fake evidence the BM is creating now, and will continue to do up till the hearing.  The depths the BM will sink to are unbelievable.  From reading up on other people's situations, the BM is doing stuff that is quite common, such as cruelty to animal reports and so on.  But the BM is taking it to another level right now.  She wants her own way and will do anything to get it. 

I will be unable to bring up facts about the BMs bad behavior with the child.  She's an addict but has managed to keep this away from the court.  The court won't allow my records request to go back far enough to prove it.  What is of huge concern in view of that, is that the BM is going to provide manufactured "evidence" that I am the bad parent, that the child is afraid of me, etc etc.  It is not easy to counter stuff like that even tho it is untrue.

I will request a court reporter if one isn't automatically provided, so thank you for that suggestion and I will check out that article.  Supervised drop offs being witnessed is a good idea too.  I have had the police accompany me when I return the child due to previous problems at that end, but the BM is now requesting that right is taken from me.

With a slick lawyer, the BMs lies and fake evidence may be believed and that is what concerns me the most.

[gemini3]

If no change in circumstance has happened, it doesn't matter if they try to discredit you.  No change has happened, so none of it matters.  Her pregnancy can't be used since it occured after she filed the motion.

[4honor]

The significant change in circumstance must be in the life of the child or the non-moving parent (i.e., YOU). Her pregnancy has nothing to do with you or the child's well-being and it is not a significant change.

[shuckybucky]

Have you considered finding a facility in your area that does supervision for visits because those facilities also do exchanges? You find a facility and then ask the judge to have the exchanges done at this facility (they make the parent bring the child 15 minutes early and the parent leaves and then the other parent arrives and takes the child). Some of these facilities video but they all make notes. Make sure the court order states who is to pay for this. If BM pulls any nonsense then it is noted by LPC's and they can testify in court. They have no contact with the parents so they stay neutral. It would be well worth is!!!

[Heston]

Thank you for that suggestion.  In the past we did try exchanges at a local police department.  The BM would be consistently late, which meant I waited for an hour sometimes for her to arrive.  The BM would bring her husband and others who would act hostile, but not so it would be noticed by the police.  We tried pickups at their home and they have caused awful problems.  Everything except a supervised parenting facility has been tried. 

Some child psychologists helped draft the current order in a way that would be beneficial to the child.  It was thought that with the mom transporting her for parental time with me and then me taking her back, it would be beneficial and it has been, leaving aside the lateness.  Although other drivers have been used by the BM in contempt of the CO and things have been getting much worse since the BM filed her motion.  The BM is behaving as if her requests have been granted and is later than ever, gets more and more drivers to deliver the child and has prevented a huge amount of the parental time awarded to me, from taking place. 

I simply want the CO to be enforced, perhaps with slightly tighter wording, and a few additions.   And I want the BMs contempt on court record since the court is aware of previous contempt on previous orders.  It looks like it might get nasty though, judging by what transpired recently.  The court is allowing witnesses to be called in and the BM intends using her biased counseler.  Since the BM prevented me from taking the child to an additional counseler, it is going to be very one-sided.

[ocean]

Start making appointments with that therapist. Go by yourself at first and see if the therapist will make an appointment eventually with child there. I would make her listen, see evidence, and have her hear your side of things too. Especially since she may testify, ask that she see you can child together before court so she can see how you both interact. Go weekly until court. Put it under you for insurance as family counseling so child can still go under child insurance.

Can you get last therapist to testify for you that mom refused to bring her anymore? Ask for new therapist to talk to old one...sign HIPPA forms so they can talk.

[gemini3]

I would suggest getting a lawyer, if there's any way you can afford it, to deal with the counselor.  Just the fact that she's willing to testify calls in to question her ethics.

Is she a LCSW, psychologist, LPC, what?  It's agains the APA's ethical guidelines for a psychologist to provide expert testimony regarding a client unless that relationship has been disclosed at the outset.  A treating psychologist cannot be an unbiased witness for the court.

Each specialty has it's own ethical standards, but they're all relatively close.  The fact that she is also treating the BM and her other child is a clear conflict.  She can treat them all together in family therapy, but not each one individually.  See the following excerpt from the APA manual:

(http://<a)"3.05 Multiple Relationships
(a) A multiple relationship occurs when a psychologist is in a professional role with a person and (1) at the same time is in another role with the same person, (2) at the same time is in a relationship with a person closely associated with or related to the person with whom the psychologist has the professional relationship, or (3) promises to enter into another relationship in the future with the person or a person closely associated with or related to the person.
A psychologist refrains from entering into a multiple relationship if the multiple relationship could reasonably be expected to impair the psychologist's objectivity, competence, or effectiveness in performing his or her functions as a psychologist, or otherwise risks exploitation or harm to the person with whom the professional relationship exists.
Multiple relationships that would not reasonably be expected to cause impairment or risk exploitation or harm are not unethical.
(//<A)(b) If a psychologist finds that, due to unforeseen factors, a potentially harmful multiple relationship has arisen, the psychologist takes reasonable steps to resolve it with due regard for the best interests of the affected person and maximal compliance with the Ethics Code.
(http://<a)(c) When psychologists are required by law, institutional policy, or extraordinary circumstances to serve in more than one role in judicial or administrative proceedings, at the outset they clarify role expectations and the extent of confidentiality and thereafter as changes occur. (See also Standards 3.04, Avoiding Harm (http://www.apa.org/ethics/code/index.aspx#304), and 3.07, Third-Party Requests for Services (http://www.apa.org/ethics/code/index.aspx#307).)"

You can find the whole manual here:  http://www.apa.org/ethics/code/index.aspx (http://www.apa.org/ethics/code/index.aspx)#

I would go after her on the basis of multiple relationships, and the fact that she can't be objective when it comes to the treatment of your child - especially in preserving the child's relationship with you (ie: causing no harm) when she is treating your ex on an individual basis. 

File an ethics violation against that counselor and ask the court to stop your ex from taking the child there, or to anyone who refuses to also include you in therapy.

[Heston]

Thanks so much for that information.  Should I file a motion to ask that she is not a witness?  She is currently on the list of witnesses.  And in the same motion ask that the court forbids the child from seeing this counseller on the grounds you mentioned?  The counseler is not licensed.  She works for a psychologist but is unlicensed herself by any board.  I filed two complaints and the governing bodies said they could not deal with it because she is not qualified.  I have now filed two complaints against the psychologist she works for, for allowing this to happen and the counseler has been named as the party acting unethically.

Yesterday there were two more hideous developments.  The BM filed a motion.  She has asked now for visits to be supervised.  And she has asked this, alleging that I speak to my daughter in an inappropriate way.  The inappropriate statement is fiction.  The BM is claiming I have told my child her mom will be murdered.  And that I have compared the BM to a notorious killer.  I've never had supervised visitation.  I have my daughter for weekends and one week evening, when the BM doesnt act contemptuously and deny visits, which she has done recently.  And now, based on lies, the BM wishes to change the visits to being supervised.  This is a backhanded route to them wanting full custody but they know if they request it openly it will be denied.

Judging by the fact the BM has had the child write letters to the counseler making accusations, and telling the counseler the same, through intimidation by the BM, I know this would be the case concerning the above motion.  The content of the motion is lies.  The manufactured evidence is the child being forced to tell the counseller and probably write a letter, as if that makes it true.  But how does a person defend themself on something as hideous as this?

Thanks again for the info about the counseler.  I will definitely be adding to my complaint about her.  If anyone has any ideas on the latest developments and what to do, I would really like to hear about them.  At the moment, due to spending so much already, there is no possibility of getting an attorney.

[Heston]

Start making appointments with that therapist. Go by yourself at first and see if the therapist will make an appointment eventually with child there. I would make her listen, see evidence, and have her hear your side of things too. Especially since she may testify, ask that she see you can child together before court so she can see how you both interact. Go weekly until court. Put it under you for insurance as family counseling so child can still go under child insurance.

Can you get last therapist to testify for you that mom refused to bring her anymore? Ask for new therapist to talk to old one...sign HIPPA forms so they can talk.

I did attend the new therapist by myself for a few months.  I also took my other child for one session to discuss the situation with my daughter.  I told the therapist what was happening from my side of things.  She realised my only interest is helping my daughter.  She also realised what type of person the BM is.  When the BM made it impossible to take my daughter there, this therapist finally concluded that therpay should end, as nothing more could be achieved.  She has written a letter that I can use.  She does not criticize the mom in that letter, which is not helpful.  The therapist seems overly politically correct in everything she says be it in a letter or email.  She could be called to testify but she will probably only state the child only saw her a few times and that I had wanted her to attend more but it wasn't possible.  I doubt she would stick her neck out to say the BM prevented the child from attending.  As for insurance, the BM refuses to let me use my insurance for my child, even though I pay for it and provide it. 

I believe the new therapist did speak to the old one.  Again, the new one is so politically correct, I don't think I can count on her to say anything against the bad counseler.

[ocean]

Have you gone to the new therapist? Go, and now bring up new accusations..and see if she will mediate between you an child.
I know therapists can testify BUT you can squash A LOT of questions. Find out what questions you can squash/object to. (anything child said inside session?). Look it up online or maybe pay a lawyer one time before court for a consultation and ask questions...is there a law school near you? You can use a senior student or ask a paralegal too.

Thinking you can file a motion for her to stop with constant harassing accusations that have proven false (list them with dates) and ask the courts to put sanctions against her. (pay for your lawyer, fines, threaten custody change....) and then add she just filed another false claim.

Did you just see child? talk on phone? when does she say this happened? Our PB used to grill children when they got home, spun what happened here into her own psychotic way and then call screaming on how horrible we were. We finally we able to get a few on voicemail and got a restraining order in place. Maybe if you can prove the constant harassment you can ask for a restraining order and that she can not contact you, only by email for children and she is not allowed near you/house (drop off at street) and she can only be at school functions together but she will not come near you or address you.

[Simplydad]

Thanks so much for that information.  Should I file a motion to ask that she is not a witness?  She is currently on the list of witnesses.  And in the same motion ask that the court forbids the child from seeing this counseller on the grounds you mentioned?  The counseler is not licensed.  She works for a psychologist but is unlicensed herself by any board.  I filed two complaints and the governing bodies said they could not deal with it because she is not qualified.  I have now filed two complaints against the psychologist she works for, for allowing this to happen and the counseler has been named as the party acting unethically.

This right here raises a major flag for me.  I would file a motion to have this person present her credentials if she is going to testify as a medical professional.  If she cannot provide those credentials then I would object to her testimony as a medical professional as she is not qualified.

If she is working for a psycologist and is having visits in this doctors office then I would file a complaint against the actual doctor for allowing a non licenses professional to practice as a counselor in his office.

Yesterday there were two more hideous developments.  The BM filed a motion.  She has asked now for visits to be supervised.  And she has asked this, alleging that I speak to my daughter in an inappropriate way.  The inappropriate statement is fiction.  The BM is claiming I have told my child her mom will be murdered.  And that I have compared the BM to a notorious killer.  I've never had supervised visitation.  I have my daughter for weekends and one week evening, when the BM doesnt act contemptuously and deny visits, which she has done recently.  And now, based on lies, the BM wishes to change the visits to being supervised.  This is a backhanded route to them wanting full custody but they know if they request it openly it will be denied.
Judging by the fact the BM has had the child write letters to the counseler making accusations, and telling the counseler the same, through intimidation by the BM, I know this would be the case concerning the above motion.  The content of the motion is lies.  The manufactured evidence is the child being forced to tell the counseller and probably write a letter, as if that makes it true.  But how does a person defend themself on something as hideous as this?

This is heresay and more than likely not admissable unless there is a report of abuse.  You should ask that a GAL (Guardia Ad Litem) be appointed to your child.  State that you believe your child is being abused via Parent Alienation Syndrome (PAL)

It sounds like there is a lot of allegations but not much proof behind these allegations.   A key here is that these letters have been given to a person who is not licenses to practice as a psycologist .

Thanks again for the info about the counseler.  I will definitely be adding to my complaint about her.  If anyone has any ideas on the latest developments and what to do, I would really like to hear about them.  At the moment, due to spending so much already, there is no possibility of getting an attorney.

Try googling a fathers rights group in your area.  They may be able to put you in touch with someone that could help you pro-bono or you may qualify for legal aid.  In any case I really think you should try to get some legal representation going against a sleezy attorny may not be all that easy.

[Kitty C.]

'As for insurance, the BM refuses to let me use my insurance for my child, even though I pay for it and provide it.'

If it's YOUR insurance and YOU are using it for the child, how can the BM refuse to let you use it?  Is she present at the appts. where it would be used?  If you are allowed by the court to have ins. on the child, I don't see how there is anything stopping you from using your ins. on the child.  Just make sure the practitioner bills ONLY to you for any out-of-pocket expense and that the EOB's come directly to you.

The only fallout is that the BM would have one more thing to get her knickers in a twist about, but she wouldn't have a leg to stand on in court, if all you are doing is providing care for your child...as a responsible parent would do.  In fact, I would venture to say that it's not the issue of you using your ins. for the child that has the BM going ballistic, it's simply the fact that you are trying to provide care for her in the first place.  Just another tactic she is trying to use to marginalize your involvement in the child's life.

So if you do use the ins., she finds out, and comes at you with both barrels, calmly and respectfully tell her that if she has an issue with it, she can take it up with the court....and IGNORE the rest of the BS she throws at you about it. 

[Heston]

Thanks for that advice.  Yes, I do think the issue is control here.  The BM is controlling but so is her husband and I believe that he in particular wants to provide health care, as part of his controlling nature.  They have made it very difficult and sometimes impossible for me to get treatment for my child.  Plus I have tried avoid the wrath of the BM and avoid court cases, but now they have started a huge problem with the courts, and basically opened a can of worms, causing me to file motions, I won't worry so much about that in the future when it comes to healthcare , angering the BM and filing motions.

[Heston]

Thanks so much for that information.  Should I file a motion to ask that she is not a witness?  She is currently on the list of witnesses.  And in the same motion ask that the court forbids the child from seeing this counseller on the grounds you mentioned?  The counseler is not licensed.  She works for a psychologist but is unlicensed herself by any board.  I filed two complaints and the governing bodies said they could not deal with it because she is not qualified.  I have now filed two complaints against the psychologist she works for, for allowing this to happen and the counseler has been named as the party acting unethically.

This right here raises a major flag for me.  I would file a motion to have this person present her credentials if she is going to testify as a medical professional.  If she cannot provide those credentials then I would object to her testimony as a medical professional as she is not qualified.

If she is working for a psycologist and is having visits in this doctors office then I would file a complaint against the actual doctor for allowing a non licenses professional to practice as a counselor in his office.

Yesterday there were two more hideous developments.  The BM filed a motion.  She has asked now for visits to be supervised.  And she has asked this, alleging that I speak to my daughter in an inappropriate way.  The inappropriate statement is fiction.  The BM is claiming I have told my child her mom will be murdered.  And that I have compared the BM to a notorious killer.  I've never had supervised visitation.  I have my daughter for weekends and one week evening, when the BM doesnt act contemptuously and deny visits, which she has done recently.  And now, based on lies, the BM wishes to change the visits to being supervised.  This is a backhanded route to them wanting full custody but they know if they request it openly it will be denied.
Judging by the fact the BM has had the child write letters to the counseler making accusations, and telling the counseler the same, through intimidation by the BM, I know this would be the case concerning the above motion.  The content of the motion is lies.  The manufactured evidence is the child being forced to tell the counseller and probably write a letter, as if that makes it true.  But how does a person defend themself on something as hideous as this?

This is heresay and more than likely not admissable unless there is a report of abuse.  You should ask that a GAL (Guardia Ad Litem) be appointed to your child.  State that you believe your child is being abused via Parent Alienation Syndrome (PAL)

It sounds like there is a lot of allegations but not much proof behind these allegations.   A key here is that these letters have been given to a person who is not licenses to practice as a psycologist .

Thanks again for the info about the counseler.  I will definitely be adding to my complaint about her.  If anyone has any ideas on the latest developments and what to do, I would really like to hear about them.  At the moment, due to spending so much already, there is no possibility of getting an attorney.

Try googling a fathers rights group in your area.  They may be able to put you in touch with someone that could help you pro-bono or you may qualify for legal aid.  In any case I really think you should try to get some legal representation going against a sleezy attorny may not be all that easy.

Thank you for all your suggestions.  I will wait to receive the witness list and then ask for proof of credentials etc and ask that she be removed.  I have also added information to the claim to the APA which will be sent today.  The things going on right now are unbelievable.  There was a CO that was logical and made sense. I have followed it to the t.  The BM has not.  The BM is in contempt of many points.  I resisted filing a motion and then the BM files one asking that the main points be reversed.  No doubt, because I filed a counter motion and a contempt motion, it sent the BM into a rage, and she is now acting in a very sick way, inventing the most hideous stories and actually filing motions on them.  Disrediting the awful counseler is so important.  And the fact I lodged the first complaints about the counseler several months ago, and not as a recent knee-jerk reaction, might sway things.  I always knew the BM would sink low, but even so, her behavior seems shocking.   The counseler has been biased throughout, enabled the BM and been totally unethical.

[Kitty C.]

One thing to keep in mind regarding insurance....and this is federal law:

When a child has more than one policy, say one from each parent or a parent and step-parent, the BIO parent who's birthday comes first chronologically is the primary plan.  For example,  I carry the medical and dental ins. in our family and have included SS in both.  My birthday is in June, but BM's is in November and she only has medical.  So she is primary for medical (mine is used as supplimental) and I am primary in dental.

So as long as you have ins. coverage for the child, the SF's ins. could ONLY be used as a secondary/supplimental at the most.   He could never have primary unless you were unable to provide ins.  Might be something that should be 'brought to light' at an upcoming hearing....like asking for clarification on who is supposed to provide ins....so that there is NO question whatsoever that you provide primary ins.

[Heston]

Thanks, that is very helpful information.  I will raise this issue and see if something can be written into a new motion.

[Heston]

The new counseler recently concluded matters because I was prevented from taking my child there by the BM making sure she refused parental exchanges on the days apts were made.  I did email the counseler about this recent incident and will see if I can see her again.  She has only seen my child a couple of times, so won't be able to say a lot.  I will find out too what counselers can say in court.  I know the old counseler is so biased she will be damaging if allowed a witness.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
This most recent motion filed this week, is based on something alleged to have happened a week or so ago.  I've drafted a motion in response but am not sure what to call the motion.  Have been looking online for advice but no luck so far.  I did wonder if it should be a Motion to Dismiss but I think that relates to motions that are filed incorrectly.  I'm not sure whether to call my response, a Counter Motion.  The claim is outrageous.  I'm reluctant to post what the claim is, incase of "prying eyes", but it is hideous.  And the BM is asking that my visitation be changed to supervised, on the basis of her claim.  I have such compelling evidence on contempt that the BM came up with something like this to detract from her wrongdoings.  This is always her MO.  I'm trying to do as much work on this as possible myself, draft and file motions, gather evidence, etc., but because of the nature of this latest development I may have to get a lawyer to represent me at the hearing.  For now though, I have to do all the work myself.  If I can overturn the BMs hideous claim, I can then file motions, like you suggest, preventing her from harrassment.  Like your ex, the BM grills the child when she gets home and distorts things and videos everything.  No doubt there is a video of the child stating the BMs version of events to be used as "evidence".  It is truly sick.  But typical of the BM.  The CO already forbids phone calls except for emergencies and states all contact must be made by email.  I don't call my child because it upsets her.  She is surrounded by people alienating her and recording conversations and I don't want to upset her, so I don't call her.  I will consider a restraining order.  I will wait until I have an attorney to see if it's appropriate to file one.<o:p></o:p>

[Davy]

Consider a motion to SQUASH.  One of my attorneys filed such a motion and was first filed by  attorney Abe Lincoln asking the court to stop the obnoxious noise of rooting pigs under the court house.  In your case, it appears the rooting pigs are in the court room.

When filing pro se' one is expected to maintain court room decorum AND, according to US Supreme Court rulings,  to be shown leniency since thry are not licensed a$$holes.  Otherwise, you may find yourself and child better served by hiring a rule-of-law type attorney (vs "custody" atty) from outside the local yocal court jurisdiction to hold the opposing judge/attorneys accountable. Worked for my kids.

Best to ya.

[Heston]

Consider a motion to SQUASH.  One of my attorneys filed such a motion and was first filed by  attorney Abe Lincoln asking the court to stop the obnoxious noise of rooting pigs under the court house.  In your case, it appears the rooting pigs are in the court room.

When filing pro se' one is expected to maintain court room decorum AND, according to US Supreme Court rulings,  to be shown leniency since thry are not licensed a$$holes.  Otherwise, you may find yourself and child better served by hiring a rule-of-law type attorney (vs "custody" atty) from outside the local yocal court jurisdiction to hold the opposing judge/attorneys accountable. Worked for my kids.

Best to ya.

Thanks Davy, I will definitely check into the motion to squash.  Before the BM launched this nasty and unfounded claim/motion I was going to represent myself as I had enough evidence to get the CO upheld and not changed.  But now, it looks like I will need to get a lawyer for the actual hearing and I will do all the groundwork to keep costs as low as possible.   All I want is to see my daughter and do the best I can for her.  The BM is about control and she will do anything to keep control no matter how harmful to the child.  The BM and her cronies are certainly rooting pigs!

[Heston]

Well, today I filed the counter motion to the latest motion from the BM.  I've received a Request to Provide from the BMs attorney and I submitted my request today.  This means he gets to see my evidence and witness list a few days before I see the BMs.  If there is something in their evidence that I need to respond to, and I didn't include it in the copy of the evidence I provide, does this mean I can't introduce anything further? 

[gemini3]

I'm not sure.  I would try to get some advice from an attorney in your area.

Has there been a GAL assigned in the case?  Or ever?

[Heston]

Yes, I will try and find out for sure.  Certainly don't want to give the other side more information than I have to.  No, a GAL has never been appointed to this case.

[Heston]

Would really appreciate some opinions on this.  The BM is now denying my parental time with my daughter by claiming she is vomiting and has stomach pains.  This is a variation of the occasion about a month ago when she took a bag of vomit to a police offer stating my child was sick because she did not want to see me.  They have now got my daughter trained (brainwashed) into lying to drs, counselors and police at the tender age of 9.  Their MO is clear.  They tell the counselor via my daughter that I am mean and hit her.  They tell police officers the same and say she is sick.  They now take her to MDs with the same story.  They create "evidence", that would normally be seen as indisputable.  I am wondering if there is any way out of this.  They are intent on removing me by any means by telling whatever lies they want to the appropriate people.  My daughter is too terrified not to lie because she thinks her mom will get in trouble and go to jail if she doesn't do as she is told.  She loves the mom who is selling her down the river and will do anything to "protect" her.  My daughter is contantly worried that something will happen to her mom while she is away from her.

The BM obviously thinks if she convinces the judge with her "evidence" that my daughter is ill at the thought of seeing me, the judge will stop her seeing me.  She will have compelling evidence even though it is all lies.

There are 3 scenarios re sickness.  Either my daughter isn't sick and its a lie.  Or they have given her something to eat which made her sick  (not unheard of as they've given her laxatives just before visits to me so she spent the entire weekend in the bathroom).  Or my daughter is sick.  Whatever the scenario I cannot prove it one way or another.  In court, going on the basis that my daughter is sick, I can point out that with the degree of alienation going on before visits and during transportation, it is little wonder if she gets sick with nerves.  Her stepfather yelled hateful remarks about me during the journey when he brought her recently and my daughter was really upset when she arrived.  The grandma does the same.  The BM tells her "I hate him and am only taking you there because if I don't, he will make sure I go to jail".  I have tape recordings of my daughter telling me this but I doubt it will be accepted as evidence.  The BM has the "evidence" and I have none, basically, to show what they are doing.

Much as I know I need an attorney due to the serious nature of the problems and much as I want to get one, I am unable to and have to represent myself pro se.

[ocean]

This weekend was denied?
Always get a police report, this will prove you were there and mother refused to allow child to leave. Get police officer name...
Get a certified copy of the report, usually within a few days you can get one for the court as evidence.

If she has lawyer, call and ask why you were denied and when you can expect make-up time, calmly... may not do anything but the lawyer will be charging her to talk to you and respond to it all.

[Kitty C.]

'The BM has the "evidence" and I have none, basically, to show what they are doing.'

Look, Heston....you are letting your ex get to you as badly as she's getting to your DD.  Her 'evidence'?  What evidence??  If what she has is credible evidence, then the police and CPS would have been up your backside with a flashlight LONG before now.  NO ONE in authority finds her credible, which obviously means that neither is her so-called 'evidence'.

'Or they have given her something to eat which made her sick  (not unheard of as they've given her laxatives just before visits to me so she spent the entire weekend in the bathroom).'

Have you told ANYBODY about this??  Police?  CPS?  DD's doctor?  Even if you don't have proof, a medical doctor can have labs run to prove if there are laxatives in her system.  If she ever comes to your home like that again, and you suspect the ex has given her laxatives, IMMEDIATELY take her to an ER and have her evaluated.  You HAVE to get this documented, because if you are right, she should be charged with child abuse.  And the only way to make this happen is to have her evaluated by an objective medical professional.  That is probably the ONLY way you can try to get this stopped......

[Heston]

The BM is court ordered to bring my child to me.  So it's impossible to get a police report which I could do if I picked her up.  It was court ordered this way because the BM and her husband caused terrible problems when the previous CO had me going there for pick ups.  The BM sent an email an hour and a half after she was due to have delivered my daughter saying the child was sick and she would take her to a dr next day.  That is contempt in itself because the CO states that unless a dr writes a note saying the child is too sick to be transported, she must bring her.  She has ignored my emails today asking how my daughter is.  I will make her lawyer aware of it after the holiday.

[Heston]

'Or they have given her something to eat which made her sick  (not unheard of as they've given her laxatives just before visits to me so she spent the entire weekend in the bathroom).'

Have you told ANYBODY about this??  Police?  CPS?  DD's doctor?  Even if you don't have proof, a medical doctor can have labs run to prove if there are laxatives in her system.  If she ever comes to your home like that again, and you suspect the ex has given her laxatives, IMMEDIATELY take her to an ER and have her evaluated.  You HAVE to get this documented, because if you are right, she should be charged with child abuse.  And the only way to make this happen is to have her evaluated by an objective medical professional.  That is probably the ONLY way you can try to get this stopped......
[/quote]

I haven't told anyone.  I guessed they must have done that because it's happened several times and the effect on my daughter has been extreme.  I didn't realize a doctor could do checks on it.  And without evidence I didn't want to go to CPS.  Now you've said she can be evaluated I will definitely do that next time it happens.  There is not much they won't do, to get their own way.  I've read up on parental alienation and know other parents do similar things but their actions are despicable by normal standards.  I am dealing with 3 people, the BM, the step dad and grandma.  They are heavily into PA.

[ocean]

Maybe do a wellness check then? Have her local police go to house and see how child is, ask them to write a report on what they see. Call the local police number (not emergency) explain child was supposed to be dropped off since there have been issues in past, she was not, mother is saying child is too sick and now wont answer phone/emails about child. Ask if they can see child and then write simple report. They may, depending on how busy they are.
Email mom asking when dr appt is tomorrow...(since she is SOOO sick to come, she should be calling the ped emergency number or could of gone today). Keep it simple. Do this after the wellness check if you decide to do that...
Ex,
Got your email about xx being sick today. Please let me know ASAP which dr you took her to today/tomorrow and what the outcome was. If she is really that sick, I want her to rest at home and let me know when we can schedule make-up time.
You

Did she have school yesterday? Did she go?

[Heston]

Update.  I waited on taking any action because I had a hunch their actions were done to provoke.  I had a strong hunch they have been building fake evidence with their local cops and I did not want to contribute to more, as I knew the BM would have programmed my daughter to tell even more lies to them.  I sent further emails to the BM at the weekend.  No response. So having denied me the Labor Day weekend visit, they failed to show up yesterday for the Weds parental exchange and did not inform me they would not show up.  Its now 3 weeks since I saw my daughter.

I sent an email at the weekend asking for confirmation they would be bringing her and a further one asking for an update.  Late last night, having failed to provoke me into any action (assuming that was their aim), I received two emails from the BM.  One was in response to my enquiry over my daughter's wellbeing over the weekend.  No mention of a drs visit.  One was to say my daughter didn't feel well after school yesterday.  This is contempt on two issues.  One failure to provide drs note stating child is too ill to travel.  And second, denied court ordered visits at the weekend and yesterday. 

The sad thing is, I know for sure the court is not going to even give her a slap on the wrist.  I sometimes wonder why courts bother to issue Orders and state its contempt not to follow them because they NEVER give any punishment.  They give the green light to people to disobey Court Orders.

I just obtained reports from the police in the BMs vicinity relating to the case.  There are 100 pages of fake reports!  I have just discovered that ever since this CO went into force 18 months ago, the BM and her mother have been building a fictitious case.  There are lots of reports alleging that I refused to return my daughter after spending parental time with her.  Total lie.  Some of these reports were made while I was transporting my daughter home.  They've sent cops to my house while I was at work stating they were due to deliver the child but I didnt bother to stay home to receive my daughter.  Police reports state father was not home to receive his daughter.  This was on days that were not for scheduled visits but there is no way to prove that as the CO does not give details, it does not say for instance, second and third weekend of every month it says two weekends per month.  And it has alternate Weds but no way for cops to know if the Weds they show up is court ordered.  I didn't even know about this until yesterday.  They have made some heinous accusations too.  Plus, I discovered that on the weekend where the BM arrived almost 2 hours late with my daughter and the cops with a bag of vomit, claiming my child felt sick with fear at seeing me, that my daughter actually told the cops the same heinous stuff that the BM said in her motion filed 3 days later, claiming I had told my daughter the BM would murder her just like another famous murderer had killed her daughter.  They have my daughter brainwashed/alienated to the extent she will even tell brazen faced lies to cops about me, as well as the counselor, the cps and anyone else that can help the BM build up a fictitious case.

I've been wondering why the BM has been ignoring the CO even more than she usually does, these past 6 months.  I knew the BM must think she had some pretty strong evidence, at least in her mind, to get me out of the picture at the hearing.  I can see now why she thinks this.  I know it is hearsay, but it is pretty compelling hearsay I think.  If a child tells the cops she is scared of her father, that her father tells her she is going to be murdered, and that her father locks her in an un airconditioned room for hours at a time, it looks pretty bad.  And the bag of vomit severed the purpose of showing she is literally getting sick with fear.  I have a house with central air conditioning.  I don't do the things they allege.  But impossible to prove.  And people always assume kids are telling the truth.  The BM tells her I want to put her in jail and that she has to do these things so the cops will make sure the BM does not go to jail. 

Not sure how this is gonna go...

[Kitty C.]

I'm going to say this again, Heston.....if the cops, CPS, or courts thought for even an instant that you were remotely capable of doing any of the crap that your ex alleges, they'd have a flashlight up your backside SO far, you'd think you switched sides.  You would have been brought up on charges of child abuse, endangerment, and neglect a LONG time ago.  None of the public agencies she's cried to believe a word of what she's saying.  All those reports surprise you?  It shouldn't, because it's just the ex's MO and the authorities KNOW that.  If they didn't, you would have been enjoying 3 hots and a cot behind bars for quite some time now.

If it seems that your ex's methods appear over the top, I think it's because you don't fully realize what her ultimate goal is.  JMO, but it appears to me that she doesn't just want you out of your DD's life, she wants you PUT AWAY for a very long time.  And she's been uping the ante over the course of the past months because she's realizing that she has to make it look as bad as possible to get that accomplished.  Her problem is that she has no credibility, but she fails to realize that, so she keeps getting more and more drastic, which just continues to prove her lack of credibility.

You ABSOLUTELY have to have an attorney.  Get one....NOW.  Not tomorrow, not next week.....NOW.  You have accumulated a lot of evidence, which is great.....but if you have no idea what to do with it so that it best benefits your DD and you, what's the point?  Get an atty. to help you sort through everything you've gathered and make sense of it all.  They will know best how to proceed with this in regards to legalities, so that the system would be less likely to trip you up.  If you want to use what you know to the BEST benefit of your daughter, GET AN ATTY. NOW.

[Heston]

Just wanting to give an update.  The BM has stopped me seeing my daughter for some weeks now.  In fact since the day I took my daughter to an appointment with CPS.  I have just filed a motion for parental interference because there is such a long list of denied visits from Spring to the current time.  Included in it is the BM cancelling a dental apt, and denying the visit that day also, so my daughter couldn't attend.  An MD had examined my daughter and determined she had dental problems.  I took her to a dentist and made a follow up apt for the following weekday she would be with me.  I let the BM know this by email.  Without telling me the BM cancelled the apt and threatened the dentist she would take him to court if he ever saw my daughter again.  She then failed to deliver my daughter.  I phoned the dentist and found out what had happened. 

The BMs attorney kept me waiting a week over deadline for the BMs discovery evidence, received yesterday.  The BM has been making fictitious claims to put it politely.  She claims I lock my daughter in cars in hot weather, don't feed her the entire weekend, and lock her in a room with no air conditioning.  My daughter has been programmed to repeat this to whomever the BM wishes, on the fear that her mom will go to jail if she doesn't.  So the BM wants to get supervised visits, whereas I have joint physical and legal custody.  The BM also made 120 pages worth of false police reports about me over the past 18 months, which I recently uncovered.  I read reports from the counselor who states my child is kept for long periods without food and is treated badly by me, due to what my daughter has been forced to tell her.

The sleazy lawyer changed his franking machine to show the discovery was sent two days before it was, and meanwhile the docs inside the envelope were dated two days later.  So I am up against a slimeball attorney with no conscience.

I asked my previous lawyer if she could act for me but she can't without a large retainer and since I lost my job I don't have an option now of representation.  The BMs attorney will not want a pro se litigant to beat him in court so is likely to try any dirty tactis he has to in order to win the case.

I will petition the court to remove the counselor as a witness, if I can find out how to do it.  I have grounds that are pretty good for her removal.  The BM has listed her other children as witnesses and her husband and mother.  Naturally, they will all lie under oath because lying is what they do. 

My case is based on logic and truth and law, ie showing contempt of the JCO.  The BMs case is based on lies and false reports to attorneys, police, counselors and cps.  Her lies are pretty convincing since she is an expert manipulator.

I dont have many witnesses.  And I don't want to put my son through the trauma of being a witness although he has witnessed most events.  I just wondered if anyone else has been in a similar situation as I am trying to figure out the best way to handle this in the courtroom.

Thanks in advance for any advice/suggestions.

[ocean]

I know you think she is so out there but this is what happens when ex's play hardball with the kids. Judges see this, and just go in there and try your best. Do not allow the other lawyer to speak to judge unless you are there (for mini-meetings, both lawyers should be there). Do not get caught up in the other lawyer or what they are doing. Just keep repeating you want what is best for the kids and to have a healthy relationship with children but mother has repeatedly denied visits and false accusations.

Our ex did same things and more. She had a lawyer. Her lawyer will probably dropped her after a while and she will get a new one. They take ex's money until it runs out and then they get tired of representing a crazy ex.

Judge has seen and heard it all. Focus on kids, dont let other lawyer under your skin or get you upset. They will try to show that you are the crazy one. Remain calm no matter what comes up.

Really try to get court ordered counseling with new counseling and a solid new parenting plan with no loop holes plus now that you have contempt charges you can now ask for lawyer fees if she denies future visits and ask for make-up time for all the time missed (exact make-up days to be ordered with dates and times, ..father to get the next 6 weekends to make up missed visits from fri. XX to sun XX ...or whatever. )

Motion for parental interference?? What is that? We have contempt of court for denying visits ..it in criminal but dealt with in family court.

[Heston]

Thanks Ocean.  It's reassuring to hear that.  I figured the attorney will try and make me appear crazy.  I will keep my cool and stick to the facts.  I have proof on some issues that show beyond doubt there have been false allegations, such as the false dog cruelty claim.  I figure if I can prove the things I can prove and let the judge see what the BM is about, it will cast doubt on the allegations I cannnot prove, things that no one could prove.  If it was criminal court the onus would be on the BM to prove unsubstantiated allegations.  As it is, I will do my best to prove what is proveable.  This is the BMs 4th attorney!  Some of the "evidence" is pathetic.  The BM has a photo of a tote bag she claims I damaged and a photo of a broken phone the BM claims I damaged.  Anyone can take photos and say someone else did it. But some of the BMs allegations are heinous although totally false.

I filed a motion for contempt.  I was thinking of custodial interference when I typed my post and put that in error.  I did a contempt motion with 17 points citing denied visits and that's only from Spring till now and doesnt include all of them.  I already filed a motion for contempt a few months ago and that involved many other issues besides denied visits.  I still haven't gone thru all the discovery but what I have seen so far is pretty awful.

[Heston]

Update:  I posted before about the counselor my daughter has been seeing. I already reported her to the APA via her psychologist boss although the counselor is not qualified herself  It is interesting to see an unethical person like this slip up.  In the medical notes I requested some months ago, the counselor stated that she advised my daughter to act as another character to deal with the stress of going to my house.  (The stress is actually the hostility she has to endure before she sees me, during transitions although the counselor is blinded to that small detail!).  In the notes for the discovery evidence the counselor states that my daughter goes to my house as a certain character and the counselor states she is shocked and concerned that my daughter is acting as another character to cope!  Nailed!

[Heston]

Further update: I've had time to go through discovery.  It's full of page after page of false allegations, i.e. the BM interrogates my daughter every time she returns from parental time with me and records it.  She has then used the little bit of truthful information and added tons of lies and distortions.  All of it is designed to show me as a terrible father, with accusations of neglect, violence, yelling, etc.  None of it is true.  There are hundreds of pages of these allegations.  It also transpires that either the step dad or grandma have been covertly taking videos of me from nearby locations, getting into my car, etc and turning whatever they have on film that is entirely innocent, into fictitious but damning allegations.

The BM wants me out of my child's life for good.  I have joint legal and physical custody, which took me many years of persistence and a great deal of money to obtain. The only way the BM has, to get rid of me, is to prove I am a danger to my child and she is going for the kill.  I realize judges don't have time to listen to each side explaining things, so I wondered if anyone might know the best way to handle these accusations in court.  Out of necessity, I am having to appear pro se.

[MixedBag]

about those covert videos.....in your car.....I believe that's trespassing.  Ask your local police department.

EX#2's Camilla or their older daughter, once came to my apartment in WV, went in and took pictures because it was unlocked. It was a mess -- so they thought they got pictures of the "wonderful/NOT!" apartment that I would spend the weekends in with our son.

BUT -- of course, they didn't know the whole story, and that I didn't spend weekend in the apartment -- had it rented out for the last three months, and just kicked out my tenant from there.  THAT's what they got pictures of.

SO...They/SOMEONE left me a package of evidence IN the apartment.  So I called the cops and said "TRESPASSING" -- and due to how the apartment hall was configured and since the door was unlocked etc....they refused to press charges and since the EX#2 lives a mile outside the city limits.....out of their jurisdiction to go over there and talk.  On the phone Camilla denied that any pictures were taken, but my second floor tenant saw a person with a camera.  Cops said that IF pictures showed up, then I could really press charges.

So.....about two months went by, our son was put into counselling by his father blah blah.....and Camilla told the counselor that she had pictures of the horrible conditions that I had our son in every weekend that we spent together.  The counselor asked me about this -- so I explained what was going on in the apartment and that by Camilla offering the pictures, I could potentially file trespassing charges because she broke the law.  counselor was impressed when I said I wouldn't do that even if pictures surfaced, because THAT's not the point here.

So I suggest you ask the question about the invasion of privacy and trespassing, and know what the laws are, and keep that in your back pocket.

[Heston]

That is all very interesting.  It's surprising too, the lengths some people will go to!

I will definitely see what I can do about this once the hearing is over next week.  I have not seen the photos but they are mentioned in their discovery evidence.  They took videos.  I have a hunch that they didn't mean to include it but that in their manic rush to manufacture evidence, they overlooked it.

[Andrew_S]

Sounds like a familiar story. I hope my experience here is worth bringing into the debate.  Firstly there is a list of things that generally a hostile parent will do, it is a long list and very extensive and lots of people out here have stories to tell, at times these are creative if not soul destroying and a reflection of American culture.  They range from parents drugging their kids so the kids practically sleep through the whole visitation, to of course your current experience which is alienation, which does not legally exist, but in your case is in a form that may best be described as mild, so far, and not unusual, but for you it is absolutely real and devastating.   Commonly and mostly it is dads who are affected by this phenomena who just end up paying and walk away, so I give you great Kudos for hanging in there.  Generally the tide is changing slowly and I am hearing about more dads doing the same thing to their former spouses who they no longer like and with more females becoming the primary bread winner the state will generally follow the practice of punishing the one who makes most money.   

Secondly and more importantly is what is 'evidence' in a family and probate court, and what do you actually have.  thirdly of course is what the courts will accept as evidence and how they will perceive it.  I hold to the rule of KISS (keep things very simple).  The more complicated the issue the less likely anyone will hear or understand your complaint, if it is presented, and you fail to state a valid claim in equity not a moral or constitutional claim.   Sticking with facts is another issue, and of course it is what your attorney will do and what they actually present in court as your advocate.  A court action is nothing to do with what goes on between the attorneys, interrogatories, extra litigation and discovery which are normal to civil actions.  These are really fishing trips for attorneys to see if anything is worth fighting about or missing.  Of course everything is billable for everyone in the profession concerned with your case but do attempt to keep things as simple and under your control as possible.  What you can control is your dignity and self respect, the rest I am afraid got owned.
    
I believe Ocean, Mixed Bag and a few others helped me in more ways than I can thank them for in their advice and reality checks.  SO pay attention to seasoned contributors and understand what they are saying.   One of the things I have discovered is of course, this is a game to a few people with no holds barred.   You are fortunate to not have the old DV or sexual abuse allegations thrown into the mix, so be weary of those as that particular silver bullet is very tricky and usually dependent on the age of the children.  However, if you are relying on discovery and you have not seen what you have paid your attorney to discover, or share discovery with the other attorney I would question why and what is it.  What your attorney sees, knows and is doing is all paid for by you, so make sure nothing is done without your knowledge or approval, get what you are paying for everything even the court conferences.   

Videos are subjective, what you see or heard may not be seen by yourself objectively, so be very careful and ask for unbiased reviews from people who have absolutely no knowledge of what is going on.   You will be surprised at what people actually see and hear and how much it is different from what you see.    When evidence is presented into a court it can be done in two ways, one as exhibits and the other as evidence.   In my opinion an exhibit can be seen, shown but ignored as what it is, it is an 'exhibit', evidence it is not as it was presented as an exhibit.  You may like to see lots of exhibits but without evidence they can be legally ignored and what you think is evidence or information that the courts will use is actually never used but you think it is, that is why lots of people are often questioning a judges decision.  They are supposed to rule on the evidence, rules and procedures anything more and you have an attorney on the bench.   Exhibits are there to support evidence.   When you go into court watch the exhibit, evidence and orders carefully, and listen carefully to the legal conversations or words as to evidence, exhibits and testimony.   Keep track of them.  For example I believe I spent quite a lot of time assembling everything from doctors reports, medical reports, psychiatric reports, police reports, CPS reports, videos etc.   while I also used on advice, the batestamp system through the lawyer.  They were all presented as exhibits, not one piece of that information was accepted, nor were the police reports without the officer who wrote the report, nor were the CPS reports without the officer, nor were the psychiatric reports nor even the testimony of the psychiatrist who was deemed not credible.  So you must study up on the rules of evidence and learn what is practiced by attorneys and judges in your area.  An old friend of mine who spoke of these issues long since passed stated that the family and probate courts work on averment, omission and 99% of your ignorance of the law. It is a practice that is abhorrent to lay people who understand it when they see it, but under statutory law it is a case of first past the post is the winner and legally ethical.  So do learn rules of evidence, timeframes, how it is presented and how they cannot ignore it or omit it, otherwise you will spend many years doing navel examination as I did and well after the facts and law are long gone with a campfire that has gone out.   As for the best interests of the children I assume that was decided when you were given every other weekend and a child support order or whatever were the temporary but now permanent order. But for the other parent that will be too much time but you will have to pay anyway whether you see the kids, like it or not.      

[Gordonmrobinson]

State one from each parent or even a parent and step-parent, each time a youngster has multiple coverage, the RESOURCE parent who's birthday comes first chronologically will be the principal approach. For example, I carry the medical and dental inches. BM's is in November and he or she simply has medical, although our birthday is in August. So she's key for medical (quarry is used as supplimental) and that I am primary in dental.

So as long when you have inches. Protection for the child, the ins of the SF. could JUST be utilized being a secondary/supplimental in the most. If you don't were not able to provide ins he could not have primary. Might be a thing that must be 'brought to lighting' at an upcoming reading...like on who's purported to present ins asking for clarification...so that there is NO question that key ins are provided by you.

[Gordonmrobinson]

If no change in condition has happened, it does not matter if they try to discredit you. No change has occurred, so none of it matters. Her pregnancy can't be used after the motion filed, since it happened.