Thank you both for your replies. I know that I am not unbiased
, but believing in emotional intelligence as I do; I feel that when we become adults, we will not always be in ideal situations and we have to make the best of them, especially if we don't want the thing to get out of control. I suppose if I was a different person, I would bring things down to her level and argue about petty, mudane things, that I feel should be common sense to anyone with half a brain.
But I just take a breath and give myself time before I respond to any e-mail, text or comment that she sends my way. (perfect example. We had the kids on her weekend so she could go out of town on a personal trip, and I text her if we could meet so I could pick up the kid's uniforms for school before she left. She never responded, so on Sunday, when she was supposed to pick up the kids, she said she was too far, and that they would have to just wear regular clothes when we took them to school. Before I could say "Ok, thanks". She starts texting 'shouldn't you have uniforms over there since you stated in the child support
modification that you paid for uniforms."
It's like speaking to a small child sometimes. I had to remind her that in '09-'10 school year and '10-'11 school year, yes we did buy uniforms for both children and gave them or the money to her. - This current year even after what she put the children and my husband through, I still asked her if she needed help this year -because it is about the kids, and she e-mailed me back and said the kid's uniforms from last year still fit them.
The point of that conversation was what? How can we have the items, if they were given to you and you do not give things back? Or at least provide them to us when we're parenting on your time. There was no point. We just dressed them in the one set of uniforms we have in case of emergency, and we have not seen those back either. (shrug)
I have been keeping my emotions in check, and I treat the kid's mom as if she is a business partner that I do not particularly like. What else can I do that would be effective? Yelling at her, cursing her out, wringing her neck, those things aren't going to help the situation. So that's why I try to rationalize with her, but its hard being rational with an irrational person.
I have proposed a parenting plan
(from Deltabravo -thanks Ocean), modified it based on issues and questions I know will come up or have come up with the children and gave it to her. She states that any "additional time" the children spend with their father would be a conflict to her 'schedule'. I get angry because I still feel like there is some underlying sense of control on her part. So the children spend time with their grandparents everyday, who live in close proximity to us, but dad can't see the children with 1st rights of refusal?
Right now, she is afraid to deal with my DH
because she knows he is mad/hurt/distrusting about the allegations and DH is afraid to deal with her because
of the constant allegations. Although she says that she is pretty much in agreeance concerning the children while we were in court for this past year - DH and I are fearful (mostly because of the history and other posts that I have seen here) that the kids' mom will change her mind and put things back to the bare minimum of the court order
When I was asking for suggestions, I was asking for suggestions as far as how to move forward. It won't be healthy to stay angry forever.