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Author Topic: Taking a step back  (Read 1970 times)


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Taking a step back
« on: Mar 14, 2012, 07:10:50 AM »
I am 28, married 4 years. I was with my wife 7 years total. She was pregnant when I met her. I have a stepdaughter and a daughter, 7 and 3. My wife has a boyfriend. He kicks her out every month (kids too) and she takes refuge at my house. It happened 4 months in a row. She had me believe she wanted me back. I finally got the picture and filed for divorce and and trying to get custody of my daughter. I have no rights to my stepdaughter and at this point would be worried about coerced false allegations. Have not seen my daughter since I filed. I cant get a hold of my wife. I won't see my daughter for a long time. What a sticky situation. I found this website, and now realize I am not alone and it could be much worse.


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Re: Taking a step back
« Reply #1 on: Mar 14, 2012, 02:44:24 PM »
Some things you can do:
Call school and get on mailing list or web access if they have it for grades and important information.
Call teacher, and ask to have a folder for you with HW sheet and any papers from office so you know what is going on. Ask teacher if anything is coming up at school that parents are invited.
If child is in any activities, call them up and find out when games/classes are. You are entitled to be there. Smile, sit on other side and wave goodbye to your child. Try not to make a scene.

Was your wife served the papers and you have a date? Divorce takes a very long time, you will probably go once a month for a while. The first thing you want your lawyer and judge to order is a temporary visitation plan. This way you get time with your daughter.

Start treating your ex in a business type way for letters, emails. Phone calls should go to voicemail and respond back by text/email.

Does she have a job? Have someone or hire someone to find out where she is living. Where does child go home to from school? You can find out what her bus stop is. Ask for copies of childs perm record folder, her address should be in there. Also, ask for the nurse's emergency card and you will see if she wrote you down and if she has new address or phone numbers.


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Re: Taking a step back
« Reply #2 on: Mar 15, 2012, 12:05:33 PM »
My stepdaughter is in school (1st grade).  After the divorce I will most likely have no rights to her as I never adopted her. I am trying to get custody of my daughter who is 3 and not in school yet.

My wife was served with the initial divorce papers and in those papers I specified I wanted custody. I havent done my parenting plan yet. I know this is very important that I try and make it fair. My wife has 8 days left to respond to my petition. There is no court date yet. I figure I have to wait the 8 days before this can be set. I am very eager to get this temporary visitation. 

Thanks for advice on the business relationship with my wife. I text her every three days and say "Please let me see Miley" (my daughter). The word please is not very business like.
She has ignored all my attempts to contact her since I filed.

My wife does have a job now yes.

Ok...A year and a half ago we initially separated. I left the house because her boyfriend was coming to our house and I couldn't take it. After I left, her and her boyfriend took my daughter and stepdaughter to south carolina (her boyfriend is not the father of my stepdaughter). You might say she is promiscuous. Multiple men in her life. (Painful realization for me) Any way she moved back in with me to another house to try it again. Then she left again to her boyfriend. Back and forth from there 4 times. I kept waiting like a sucker thinking she might stay for good and realize I am a good man. She always claims her boyfriend is abusive physically. So I always help. but she always goes back anyway. I finally downsized my house and expenses. Then I put her in another house so she didn't have to live with me or him. Just her and the kids and I was close by to help. She abandoned that house 5 days later to her boyfriend. That's when I had enough and finally filed. She packs up and runs somewhere like every single month. No problem if there wasnt kids involved but there is kids involved. She is very unstable. She will surely run somewhere soon when the boyfriend kicks her out again but this time I wont let her at my house and I wont get her another place. And I have no idea where my child will be because I can't get a hold of her.

My dirty laundy is previous drug possession charges...one ten years ago and one 4 years ago. I know this is not good but Dont believe its a deal breaker for some type of custody, preferably joint. Now I am clean, stable, same great job for 6+ years and I do not move around, at least not nearly to the extent she has. My moves were calculated and justifiable in each instance (3 moves)   Her moves were rash and unpredictable (10 instances total)

Custody has not been established yet so I know that increases my chances even though my daughter is currently residing wither her mother.

Thank you for your response ocean.

-Also I had a lawyer when this all started but cannot get a hold of him now. It's been a year or more. I'm catching up on my bills now -I just paid for divorce filing and also just put my wife in a house before that(the one she abandoned). It left me hard up, but I make very decent money and will surely have a lawyer soon. I'm not sure if its absolutely neccessary for getting some temporary custody. I know it will help but I also know that temporary custody is not a final ruling. However I have no plans to go to trial without a lawer. That is when the life changing orders will be set. For now while I gather my funds, I am researching everyday and preparing the best I can to at least see my daughter as soon as I can.


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