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Author Topic: Custodial "Parent" Denies Visitation/Cuts Off Communication/Alienates Son  (Read 9007 times)

PeaceofMind

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Here's the deal: I don't have time to type out the life history here,so there are going to be some blanks,but feel free to ask any questions you may have,because I really want to see my son,and I need some advice about how to approach this "Hornet's Nest".  He lives with his Aunt [mother's side] in Virginia. I live in Florida. He has lived there for about two years.[by the way,I had sole custody of him ever since he was 17 months old until he was 11,but that's another story,dont have time here]The first year,visitation was no problem and he would come and spend every weekend all weekend long with me,that was in 2010. This changed drastically in 2011. In 2011 the Aunt,who now has sole legal and physical custody has repeatedly denied me visitation,alienated my child against me,and finally she has cut off all communication. How can I visit and talk to my son? Even the courts would never be this extreme as to cut off all contact WITHOUT CAUSE. She claims I have no rights. But I do. I need a visitation order.I dont have one.


tigger

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From 17 months to 11 years?  That's 9.5 years (roughly).  So at age 11 (2010, I'm guessing from the timeline you gave) custody was changed to the Maternal Aunt and he moved out of state to Virginia . . . then for at least a year (2011 into the first quarter of 2012) you've had no contact and he's been alienated.  Am I correct so far?

Questions:
1) How did custody get changed? 
2) How/Why was the child allowed to move out of state?
3) Where's the mother?
4) What steps have you taken so far in either regaining custody or establishing visitation?
5) Has there EVER been an agreement or an established custody order?
6) Which state holds jurisdiction?
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PeaceofMind

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(1) An intervention team,a psychologist,and the CPS removed my child from my home on a false charge of neglect.
     This was all voluntary on my part. He is a special ed student with severe emotional problems.I never neglected him.As a matter of fact,I did just the opposite,taking custody of him when his own biological mother abandoned him at age 17 months when she dropped the baby off at his grandmother's house forever and she never came back.I did all I could possibly do with my son and got to the point that I lost control of him, he had problems I could not solve and and unmet needs that I could never meet,such as needing a family and a strong mother figure.I could not be a mother and an entire family to him. I was relieved that his Aunt cared enough to be a strong mother figure which is exactly what he needed.Unfortunately,his Aunt does not like me because I just happen to be her sister's [her sister is the bio-mom who rejected my son at age 17 months] ex boyfriend.
(2) The child did not move out of state. All of this happened in Virginia. I moved out of state from Va.to Florida.
I was fighting with his Aunt because she refused to bring him over for visitation without good cause and for no good reason other than to spite me and alienate him against me further. Me and that Aunt of his are about to butt heads big time,so I thought it would be better for him to not see us fight so much.So I left but have tyred to stay in touch with him,as long as el jerko would not interfere.
(3) The mother? She lives in yet another state,and has permanently rejected her baby son who is now 14 living with her sister.
(4) Steps to take? I dont know how to work out a lonng distance visitation with him without starting world war 3 with his aunt.It's a hornet's nest,ya know.
(5) Jurisdiction? I think Virginia,but I'm not sure.
(6) Yes,I used to have sole legal and physical custody of him for 11 years and i made the bio mom pay child support to me .that is why she hates my guts.

tigger

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Okay, so that paints a clearer picture.  Thanks for the answers.  When the MA (maternal aunt) got custody, was it done officially through the courts?  Was there any visitation ordered?  It's unfortunate that she doesn't see that while she filled a roll that was needed, he still needs his dad.  Perhaps she fears you'll regain custody and push her out?  Also, it could be financial in that if he is disabled enough, she may be drawing SSI on his behalf.  This is out of my experience level but hopefully someone else can chime in. 

Would it be possible for you to return to VA?  I know the economy sucks but it might make re-establishing a relationship and visitation easier than trying to do it long distance.  (Again, outside of my experience but others have had LD visitation.)
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Kitty C.

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That's what I was thinking, tigger.....if ther is no court-established custody, no order signed by a judge specifically stating that the aunt has custody, then she has no legal rights to him.  But if your situation does not allow for you to be able to get the help your son needs and she is capable of obtaining that for him, then what you will need is to get an order in place for shared legal custody and parenting time.  Not only should you have access to your son, but you should be able to have a voice in his care.
 
But this will take an atty. and no doubt filing in VA, since that has been the child's residence for well over 6 months. 
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


ocean

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Agree with the others, go back to the courts that took child away and gave aunt custody, and ask for visitation plan for you. Depending on the charges of neglect, take a parenting class while you are waiting for court, it will look good. If aunt will not talk to you, then you will have to go to a judge and get orders. Since you are out of state, it will could be in her/child state or if you can handle child in your house for a week, you can build back up to that. You can also ask in the parenting plan to have access by cell phone/texting/facebook account/video chat.

PeaceofMind

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 :) ;) Thanks,everyone. About the court order: In October of 2010 the courts awarded her sole legal and physical custody. I missed that court date because it was not served on my address until after I moved,so I didn't know about it. According to her,I dont have any rights,and since she has sole custody,she sees herself as judge,jury and executioner of my relationship with my son.She says I dont have any rights,but she is wrong about that.My parental rights were never terminated,and I was never taken to court and charged with neglect.The CPS worker told me herself that this was a civil matter and that of course I could visit my son. So this Aunt has basically over ruled the courts and the CPS and she has personally terminated my parental rights on her own without good cause and for no good reason other than to be in control and to spite me.You see,the court order says NOTHING about me or visitation on it,because I was not there like I should have been.So she has filled in the blanks on the court order and put herself in place of  the Judge.Do you follow what I am saying? ??? Now, I am homeless and unemployed,I'm on food stamps and medicaid,I have a lawyer working on getting me Disability and you know that takes a long time.But when I get the SSDI award,that is when I can give her and my son a chunk of change and start the child support payments.You know,when she took him in,for some strange reason she did not pursue collecting child support and that was before I lost my job.I know I still have a moral and legal obligation to pay child support,and i have every intention to do so.But I cant right now because Im in a terrible place of waiting to get through all this red tape at social security. I mean,I am really poor to the point I'm living on the streets and have to go find charity to get something to eat.So is she punishing me for not paying child support by cutting me off from my son? Should my relationship with my own son be destroyed because I am poor,disabled and unemployed,waiting for my lawyer to finish my case so I can send them some money? I think I might call CPS and report her for child abuse,because when she terminates our relationship by cutting off all communication and turns him against me, to the point he is scared to show any affection or goodwill towards me because it would incur her wrath upon him,that is out and out child abuse on her part.And I have had enough of this! She's taken it too far and is treading all over me.I left Va because it was fight or flight,and I decided it would be in his best interest for me NOT to go start fighting with her in front of him. >:( But now,I'm not so sure.

tigger

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If you get SSDI, I think she can also apply on behalf of the child.  Not sure though.  Ocean might know.
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ocean

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Yes, when you fill out the SSDI paperwork, it will ask you for any children. If you get approved, a separate check will go to the child and it will not reduce your amount. You can have that sent to the aunt. With some judges that counts as child support, other judges still make you pay child support out of your portion plus aunt will get child;s portion.


PeaceofMind

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how can I find out if she's drawing SSI off of my child? ???

ocean

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Have you been approved? When you are approved either one of you can request their portion. It does not affect your check at all. You can get that info from SS office once approved and ask if they will start sending her the kids checks as she has custody.

PeaceofMind

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Check this out. I  called my childs school asked to speak with him the secretary told me cant talk to him cause im not on contact list. Then I asked for principle but instead they put me thru to his special ed teacher who told me he no longer goes there.why I asked was he kicked out? No she says he did well here. She said she will call me back with more info...am I being lied to about my son? Why did the secretary talk as if he were still there?

tigger

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Secretary may have looked up the information (the schools here have it electronically as well as paper) and since you weren't on the contact list she was unable to give you ANY information, including the withdrawal.  She may have then forwarded you on to someone who could take the legal fall for speaking with you.  If I were a secretary in a school, I wouldn't be speaking to anyone that wasn't on the contact list for fear of the legal ramifications if I do.  Perhaps the Special Ed teacher is willing to take the risk since you identified yourself as the father. 
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PeaceofMind

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Hey Tigger,
       Thanks. The last time I talked with my son was 3 months ago when he called me on Dec.25,2011.
        He told me he was going to Pennsylvania,but gave me no details. I dont know if it was just for the holidays or if it was a move.When I call and send him text and voice messages I never get a response. This has been going on for too long now.I asked CPS for help and they told me there was nothing they could do.I bet they would do something real fast if it was a male who had custody of him and no one had heard from him in three months.That bias just glares at me big time. Anyway,I dont know where he is,I dont know if he is safe,I dont know if he has ran away or if he is still alive?? So I am gonna call Polly Klass because I dont know if he is missing or not. I know he is missing from my life, but I am his father and let me complain that people have no good reason to cut me off from my child and withold information from me.I am his father who cares about him or else I would not be trying to contact him. Why is everyone in this country so uptight and paranoid about one another?? The custodial Aunt has no right or reason to put me through all this anxiety just because she can.you know,for the hell of it,who cares? Who knows,it could be a case of family abduction!! That's just it,I dont know anything and Im getting tired of being kept in the dark by an alienating third party custodial so called parent! :P >:( :'( :o

ocean

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Send a registered letter to the last school district he was in. Ask for a copy of his entire permenant record folder including his transfer papers to his new school. If you have child's birth certificate, send that and a copy of your license. This will tell you what school he is in. Once you get that info, send same letter to the new school asking for all his records including emergency card copy. This will give you address and phone number. You can also call the new school and ask to the new teacher/principal.

If you want anything legal, you need to get parenting/visitation orders from the last court. File those papers as soon as you get a new address for aunt. This will get you the court orders for phone calls, visits, and anything else you want in there. The police can not do anything without a court order and even that, many do not enforce family court orders and tell you to go back to court to get in worked out. Aunt has legal custody right now so there is nothing anyone can do right now until that is changed.

 

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