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Author Topic: lost it after divorce. attempted suicide. now I have lost custody. help!?  (Read 11107 times)

notwhatiexpected

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I just wrote all this out and it got erased. So the super short version.... I lost it after the divorce was finalized. NOT in my right mind, I attempted suicide and stayed in a hospital for a week. ex and I have 50/50 and he got temporary full custody. Does anyone know how long this can take? When will I get my two young girls back? When is long enough to prove I'm stable? I am. I am ready. It took me about two weeks out of the hospital, but I'm on medication, seeing a therapist and psychiatrist weekly, volunteering, looking like crazy for a job... is there anything else I can do? Does anyone know what I'm facing here? It's been 1 1/2 months and I need my girls. They need me. Ex only allows 3 hours of visitation a week! So, anyone? another month? 6? a year? I'm going crazy and feel better than I have in a very long time. but how do I convince anyone that??? thanks for any help!


MixedBag

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There is no magical formula, but there is hope that you can get yourself back together and remain in your children's lives and thrive in the long run.
 
I have a friend.....did something similar, lost custody of her son, etc....
 
SO....Stick with the plan the courts laid out -- USE the time you're given.
 
Then you gotta prove that it's in your child's best interest to have more time with you.  And NO, it's not THAT simple -- down the road, (unfortunately IMHO), like 6 months to a year, you'll need to hire someone like an expert in the field that will agree that the children will/should have more time with you and that it will be better form them than how it is now.....and then go from there.
 
Over time, you can get back to where you were -- but it will take lots of time.....and a lot of that time is because the courts move so slowly.
 
Good luck and it sounds like you're headed in the right direction!

ocean

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Do you have a set times to see the kids through the courts? If not, go back and ask for set times/days with a follow up court date to increase the time. Keep going to your dr appts. They may have to write letters on your behalf that you are medicated and following their orders. If you do not have a job, go to the court house and see if you qualify for legal aid to help you.
At the same time, remember your kids went through a tough few weeks too. If they are old enough to talk, you can get court ordered counseling if needed. You ex needed to take custody when you were sick. It will take time to get prove to everyone that the kids will be safe in your care. Family court is VERY VERY slow, if you are going through the system and have another court date, follow what they are asking. Keep busy. Good luck!

blabbity

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I went through a similar situation with my ex... he had three suicide attempts after the divorce.  He finally got hospitalized after the third attempt.  Unfortunately, at that time, he also told his older daughter (from a previous marriage to ours) all about his suicide plans and also showed her the gun he planned on taking himself out with.  It really screwed her up. He also made physical threats towards me and my kids, all via text.  I had to get a protective order initially. 

We went to court, and I got temporary custody.  We did eventually drop the protective order, but not before making some permanent changes to the divorce/custody decree. The guardian ad litem suggested a modification to the divorce decree stating that my ex had to have supervised visits with the kids until a therapist ok'd him to be around the kids.  He also suggested a modification ordering my ex to stay on his meds (he has a history of going on/off his meds) and another order that my ex has to see his therapist on a weekly basis until he is stable, and then check in with his therapist at least every 8 weeks after that.  Also in the order is that he's restrained from talking to the kids about his depression, the protective order, the court proceedings etc.  He has a long history of parentifying his older kids and using them as emotional crutches.   My kids are little, so I didn't tell them about the protective order or the suicide attempts.  They know about my ex's depression, so what we've told them is that they're staying with me while their dad gets help with his depression.  I don't want them to know about the suicide attempts or the protecive order... I don't want it to change their perception of their dad.   So, that's where we're at right now.  As long as my ex follows the therapist's directions, and follows the modifications in the decree, he'll be able to get his time back.   

Before the suicide attampts, we did have a 50/50 arrangement.  However, my ex did violate the protective order a couple of times.  After that, the judge ordered a kind of strange arrangement.   He gave me sole custody... physical and legal, but my ex still has 50/50 visitation rights.  Right now, my ex is allowed to have up to 50% of the time, as long as he can find a supervisor.  It's an odd arrangement... but it gives him more time with the kids than he did before, but still protects the kids from inappropriate behavior on his part.  Eventually, I'm hoping we can get back to the usual 50/50 with no supervision, but it all depends on my ex's behavior.

My advice is to follow all of your orders to a T, stick with your meds and counseling, and get and stay stable.  It's the best thing for you and your kids.  As long as you don't have any relapses, there is no reason why you shouldn't be with your kids.


 

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