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Author Topic: Question about contact during visitation  (Read 4978 times)

bonusmom88

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Question about contact during visitation
« on: Aug 28, 2012, 12:10:17 PM »
My stepdaughter has a cell phone that is paid for by my in laws.  During her visit with us this summer her mother and her mother's boyfriend would text her non stop all day every day.  Then they would want to skype with my step daughter and tell her to walk around my house and show them everything.  If my step daughter didn't text back right away her mom would tell her that it made her worry and make my stepdaughter feel bad.  I am not talking about a couple of texts I mean a minimum of 50-100 texts a day.  When I asked my stepdaughter about it she told me she felt like she had to respond because if not her mom would think she didn't love her.  So I allowed it during this visit but I am considering having the phone suspended for future visits because of the stress that it caused everyone.  This continued when my stepdaughter was visiting my inlaws for a week.  What options do we have as far as this continuing?  I really don't want to suspend her phone because her friends text her on it as well. 
We do not do this when she is with her mother because we do not feel like it is fair to her.  I never text my stepdaughter because her mother would lose it if I did and her dad does but doesn't expect an immediate response because he knows his daughter has activities for school and she is busy.  The one time my stepdaughter skyped with her dad and her mom found out her mom threw a fit and pouted telling my stepdaughter that because she talked to her dad she didn't love her mom.  The mother calmed down when my sd gave her hugs and kisses and kept telling her she loved her.  What do we do?


Spaceman1982

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Re: Question about contact during visitation
« Reply #1 on: Aug 28, 2012, 12:53:59 PM »
This is tricky. It sounds like if you suspend it though you will open up to a "stopped frequent access" attack. Even though there is no court order regarding it, I assume, it's something that could be argued that it has been acceptable for some time so why not now.

How does the dad and in law feel about it. I honestly think if the only reasoning is to stop BM from interrupting time it's norton a be good.

bonusmom88

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Re: Question about contact during visitation
« Reply #2 on: Aug 28, 2012, 01:06:12 PM »
Dad and in laws are annoyed by it as well.  We allowed it because it seemed that sd felt she needed to.  There were several times sd would say "I wish she would just leave me alone."  I was annoyed but accepting until the whole skype issue came up and bm and her boyfriend wanted to see everything in our house.  I did tell sd at that point that she could show her mom her room or her brother's room but she didn't need to see my whole house. 

MixedBag

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Re: Question about contact during visitation
« Reply #3 on: Aug 29, 2012, 12:23:17 PM »
Then help her if she too is annoyed by it.
 
YOUR home, your rules.
 

 
and then sit down with her and agree to some boundaries......that do not eliminate the other parent, but boundaries.

Simplydad

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Re: Question about contact during visitation
« Reply #4 on: Aug 30, 2012, 07:30:30 AM »
I keep it simple and I take my child out of the mix.  I had to deal with the same type of stupidity as well.

I sent my ex an email explaining to her what I allow in my house.  I told her she can call my son every evening if she liked but during the day his cell is going to remain off.  I told her the constant texting and phone calls are interfering my visitation. She of course exploded with threats saying the courts will not like my keeping her child from her.  I simply replied.....file a motion and let's find out.




Kitty C.

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Re: Question about contact during visitation
« Reply #5 on: Aug 30, 2012, 08:08:19 AM »
Good for you, Simpledad!  You called her bluff and told her to put her money where her mouth is!  That's what a lot of the 'demands' that CP's make are....bluffs.  Trying to get the NCP to do what they want, regardless of orders.  But when they're told that if they don't like it, they should take it up with the court, it essentially tells them that THEY do not call the shots...the courts do.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

Spaceman1982

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Re: Question about contact during visitation
« Reply #6 on: Aug 31, 2012, 11:03:08 AM »
well put simplydad!

 

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