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Author Topic: Two separate families, 2 different states with support orders  (Read 3656 times)

confuseddad

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Hi all!  I am in some need of advice as really nobody legally has been able to answer without a substantial retainer for a question. I was 16 when I my casual girlfriend became pregnant with our son.  When my son was born Her family moved to the other side of the country. We both tried to make things work and we were married in her state while I was on my weekend break. As with Most young marriages it didn't work out and we were separated very shortly after her being still under 18 she went and moved back in with her parents, taking our son and falling off the face of the earth for the next 5 years,  when I was served in my local paper with a divorce summons in her state.  Due to that I had no substantial relationship and the age of my son at the time I did agree it was in his best interest for her to have sole legal custody since she had moved on during this time and had told my son her new son to be husband was his father, for a 7 year old the confusion and her reluctance took YEARS to correct. I paid child support obviously,  and moved on with my own life as well. I remarried in my home state and had 2 more children. I have an extremely close bond with my 2 younger children and see them daily even though my wife and I are separated.  I have a child support order for my 2 youngest for almost 1000 a month.  Fast forward, my oldest child's mother has filed a support modification that they are basing on gross income,  without any deductions for my duty to support my other 2 and are saying is $700 a month for 1 child. Each state is different on priority of paying so I am receiving zero deductions in either case. I simply don't make what I'll have in orders on both after taxes.  This will leave me not only with zero money to eat but put me into arrears every month. The child's ages are 14,9 and 2. Is there a thing i can do at this point?


ocean

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Re: Two separate families, 2 different states with support orders
« Reply #1 on: Aug 08, 2014, 07:12:10 PM »
What states are you talking about? Usually your oldest child gets a percentage for child support then the second order will take into consideration the first order. First order does not go down because you had more children.

confuseddad

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Re: Two separate families, 2 different states with support orders
« Reply #2 on: Aug 08, 2014, 07:17:24 PM »
Ok and WI. WI is order of birth,  OK is based off a few factors but takes in no consideration of my previous order.  They will also not modify down because my other support is increasing by $490 a month . They do not consider that substantial.

confuseddad

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Re: Two separate families, 2 different states with support orders
« Reply #3 on: Aug 08, 2014, 07:23:26 PM »
Also,  my OK support deviated from guidelines for daycare for my youngest and educational expenses for the 9 year old who has some L.D. i have no problems paying these expenses but Of course,  they always deviate up, never down. 

ocean

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Re: Two separate families, 2 different states with support orders
« Reply #4 on: Aug 09, 2014, 02:21:17 AM »
Yes, that is right. Courts believe that you knew you had older child and if you choose to have more children then the first child amount should not change. If you get along with second mom, maybe split custody and costs , courts will allow you to agree to different number.


confuseddad

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Re: Two separate families, 2 different states with support orders
« Reply #5 on: Aug 09, 2014, 09:21:11 AM »
Ocean
   Thank you for the reply. Im not asking for them to lower my CS in my 1st order of support I am simply requesting they take into consideration the seconary support when im up for my modification (right now). In my original decree of divorce, my ex and her attorney got me to agree to give her sole legal and physical and there would be no support ordered in the case. We were supposed to work together amicably outside of the court system on the custody and support issue. Clearly, this was a play on their part to get me to agree because before the ink could dry on the decree my ex went to WI CSE to get a court order for support (I have no issues with supporting him). They are more than happy to take into account her lack of employment because she has went on to have more children. But they simply wont entertain even a CREDIT for other children. In in tact families, my oldest child isnt going to get a car purchased or college paid for and not my youngest because well he was born first. In an in tact family, you can't buy $700 of presents on Christmas for the older one, and only $200 for the youngest because they were 1st born. I understand what the courts have attempted to do (I really do) but its misplaced and misguided.

confuseddad

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Re: Two separate families, 2 different states with support orders
« Reply #6 on: Aug 09, 2014, 09:31:53 AM »
Also wanted to add. I do get along great with my soon to be ex wife. She has decided to go to school FT to finish her nursing degree and works PT so the state helps her on her portion of the daycare expenses which procludes us from making any outside agreement. My son also does require extensive tutoring and additional assistance outside of I.E.P that is extremely costly and HAS to be paid thats not really something I would even feel comfortable asking my 9 year old to go without (Who needs to know how to read and write anyways right?!)  so that my ex#1 can get $700 a month to raise a 14 year old (Apparently it costs $1400 a month to raise a teenager if you were to factor in shes half responsible) Its incredibly frustrating.

ocean

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Re: Two separate families, 2 different states with support orders
« Reply #7 on: Aug 09, 2014, 10:13:35 AM »
Courts will say you knew about first support order and then went on to have more children.
Why are you up for modification? Ex #1 needs to show why she needs modification. (change of circumstance) so what is her reason?

As for the tutoring, maybe you can get it through the school district, health insurance, peer/teen/college student. Here the school district pays for speech, OT, PT, and parent counseling from birth to 21. If child goes to school, the services should be during the school day and you can request summer services. Also, child should be able to get extra support at school for reading and math if those are issues for him. If the IEP is not showing growth , then call a meeting and add services (at their cost) or go through medical insurance and pay copay's instead of paying per session. He can be getting services every day at school (reading 5x per week, speech 3x week...).

confuseddad

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Re: Two separate families, 2 different states with support orders
« Reply #8 on: Aug 09, 2014, 10:41:28 AM »
Ocean, again great advice on your part!
   In RE: The Modification "Because child support says I deserve it and that you should be grateful!" the SECOND reason for requesting the upward modification is because she has to buy him 3 pairs of shoes per month, pay for his car insurance, going to have to start buying a car (This reasoning is INCREDULOUS!) Maybe SHE needs extra support from me to pay for HER car Ins and she needs a new car but to suggest that she is going to be purchasing our 14 year old these items is ludicrous!

   On my 9 YO's I.E.P he does receive the assistance through the P.S 5x per week, OT and Speech 1x a week for 30 minutes. While he has improved, it hasnt been enough to keep him from getting further behind so we placed him in private after school tutoring and during summers and with both its really seemed to help him at least get to a point where he can hold a pencil properly, remember ABC's etc. I just really would hate to see him drop further and further behind because I cant afford to pay for a needed expense so that I can support Ex#1 all 5 children since her felon husband cannot and she refuses to work in any capacity. 

ocean

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Re: Two separate families, 2 different states with support orders
« Reply #9 on: Aug 09, 2014, 11:22:24 AM »
Is this a cola hearing? Usually every few years, CS can go up with inflation.

IF she just filled out modification papers with no reason, then you may be able to get it dismissed as their is no change of circumstance right now.
"judge, I have no problem paying child support and right now my child is receiving $700 a month. There has been no changes in circumstance since last order, I ask the petition be dropped" (You can go to court intake unit and fill out dismissal paperwork or can wait for the court date).

As for the tutoring, child's needs should come first but there might be other options (maybe cheaper).

confuseddad

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Re: Two separate families, 2 different states with support orders
« Reply #10 on: Aug 09, 2014, 11:39:19 AM »
Ocean,
   This support order is in WI, I am in OK. So driving to WI in the middle of the week (taking off of work, getting a hotel its a 12 hour one way drive) to fill out paperwork unfortunately for me, cannot happen. Its definitely another reason ive been utterly railroaded on all proceedings while she has had the upper hand. When I mentioned to her I would like to go ahead and have court ordered visitation and some placement since she has NEVER allowed me any meaningful visits and by none I mean she has allowed me to see him twice in 9 years supervised at her home around her husband and herself. In fact, when I told her this she screamed into the phone "Are you threatening me?!" Thats a direct threat, and now youve pissed me off!" Who would ever have thought asking for visitation or any type of placement with our child was a THREAT? It is complete news to me. She has basically informed me she'd like nothing to do with me ever, except just to send her support every month. That I am an intrusion into her family and HER son. Ive never been to WI for more than a few hours when I flew in from A.I.T break to marry her and flew out a few hours later. And again to visit my son at a McDs rest stop for an hour visit in WI until she was no longer "comfortable". Recently, when I told her I would like to go ahead and mediate for visitation she told our son that I was going to take him away from her, and proceeded to put our son on the phone in an attempt to make HIM tell me that he was scared of me, didnt want to spend "not one day" with me, and was ANGRY at me. Clearly this was her projecting onto our son when he got on the phone (After I pleaded with her NOT to get him involved, and it wasnt at all appropriate) He got on the phone and said none of these things just that he didnt want to talk about it right now.
   She requested the Modification hearing, since the last one was 2 years ago and she can request one every 2 years.
  I was stupid and young, in the army and was days away from being stationed to another country, when her father showed up on my doorstep to collect her and our son in a U-haul. She knew this and used the opportunity to accomplish her self serving goal of never having to share him. Hindsight, I should have went to the ends of the earth to locate our son but that is extremely difficult to do as an active duty in another country. Some days it honestly feels hopeless, and depressing. I love him but she has made it impossible to even have a relationship with him.

ocean

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Re: Two separate families, 2 different states with support orders
« Reply #11 on: Aug 09, 2014, 01:26:51 PM »
Ok, call the local court where this is all taking place and see if they have the forms online. Fill out custody and visitation plan, overnight it back to court. Request that your filing be added to the child support hearing since you are out of town. Then when you go to her state for child support , you can request visitation schedule.

Email/call her lawyer and request a visit when you get there for court. Ask to meet at a library and that mom give you space so you can spend some quality time. Ask for a good time that day for child to meet. See if lawyer responds....

 

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