I hope you have names and dates behind who said what.
I'm also -- and I know this is a PITA -- but did you ever file something with the family court directly about this situation to put the responsibility clearly back on Dad to reimburse you as the order states?
I dealt with three major health insurances as the kids and step-kids were growing up and I'd always get different answers as to whom they would reimburse directly -- one said "Policy holder" the other said "Paying parent" and oh was it a goat rope because I didn't get ONE answer.
The bottom line is that it's dad's responsibility to reimburse you -- the family
court order is between you and dad -- and doesn't bind anyone else.
I've heard of QDRO (Qualified Domestic Relations Orders) -- mainly in terms of splitting a retirement. I'm not an attorney, but in mediation class, we were advised to definitely ask an attorney to draw up that part because it had to contain certain elements (like verbage) for it to be considered a QDRO. For example, a military retirement has to have a QDRO or else DFAS acts stupid and says it doesn't know how much to disperse to the retiree and how much to disperse to the spouse.
I'm GUESSING a Qualified Domestic Relations Medical Order is gonna be extremely similar -- it probably spells out in details who pays for what, who covers with what, and how reimbursements are processed and who gets paid. I'm also GUESSING that this is sorta "new" on a scale of 1-10 with family courts -- so "older" orders might not have enough detail to be considered COMPLETELY clear. I'm also GUESSING that different states are being more progressive or proactive about this -- like some are gonna be "behind the times" and other on the cutting edge.