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Author Topic: wife left with our children  (Read 5040 times)

Sam Fisher

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wife left with our children
« on: Jul 18, 2015, 09:57:21 AM »
I came home from work yesterday and my wife had moved out with our children.  She took some furniture and all the kids toys and clothes.  She did not leave me any information about where she was going to be staying (i suspect it's with her parents).  I live in Massachusetts and was wondering if anyone has any advice on what my next step should be.  We are not legally separated but have been going through a very rough patch.  Am i legally allowed to request to be able to see our children?  If I have not included enough detail please feel free to ask for clarification.  Thank you.


Waylon

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Re: wife left with our children
« Reply #1 on: Jul 18, 2015, 11:09:16 AM »
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tigger

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Re: wife left with our children
« Reply #2 on: Jul 20, 2015, 09:25:39 AM »
Am i legally allowed to request to be able to see our children? 

I think that's the saddest thing I've ever read.  To think someone actually has to ask that question.  YES, you are legally, ethically, morally allowed to see your kids.  What she did was wrong and designed to hurt you.  Is there a chance of reconciling?
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Sam Fisher

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Re: wife left with our children
« Reply #3 on: Jul 20, 2015, 01:20:35 PM »
I'm not sure if reconciliation  is possible.  I asked to see the kids yesterday and she denied me.  She is staying with her parents as far as i know.  She said it was in there best intrest to not see me right now.  She took everything that belongs to the kids.  All clothes, toys eating utensils, plates and cups along with all her stuff.  She went so far as to take the shower curtain.  I spoke to both kids before bed and my son (8) said he did not know why all there stuff is at Grams and said that he wants to come home.  My daughter (6) said she cried when Mom said "we are living at Gram's from now on and you won't be seeing  Daddy for a while".  That almost destroyed me.  My thoughts regarding reconciliation are pretty grim. 

ocean

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Re: wife left with our children
« Reply #4 on: Jul 20, 2015, 01:33:29 PM »
How far away did she move? Out of school district? You can ask the courts to have kids return to the marital home and school until custody is made in court. This would be an emergency hearing and prob would want a lawyer. You need to file ASAP before she files in court. Interview a few lawyers and tell them you want kids returned to home and to file the paperwork. You are NOT asking them to file divorce papers (that will come) as you want the kids back home and not have this drag out for months and years in divorce court.

Also, close all joint accounts. Take your name off of any joint accounts if they wont let you close them. Pay your bills with your name on it. If you give her any money it prob will be considered a gift in the courts eyes so nothing directly to her unless court ordered.

Go to your child's school and ask if they were withdrawn from old school and what school requested their records. As the father you have rights to see your child's school records.

If you dont act quick, they she will file child support and divorce and this will be dragged out for months if not years. If nothing is court ordered then you do not have a parenting schedule and up to mom to allow you to see kids. You are the father and if you can get them , you could keep them however be very careful as mom/her family can claim harassment if you go to their house or call/text too many times. Text once a day asking how the kids are, ask that the kids call you each night, and ask when you can see them. (If she is talking to a lawyer they are telling her not to allow kids to go with you alone as you can keep them until she files paperwork).

Good luck and ask questions, we are not lawyers but many of us have been in family court room for over 10 years...


Sam Fisher

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Re: wife left with our children
« Reply #5 on: Jul 20, 2015, 02:05:10 PM »
The kids already went to school in the same town she moved to.  She is a teacher there so they went to school there anyway.  She moved about 20 minutes away.  We never had any joint accounts, i covered all the bills related to the house (mortgage, utilities ect.

As far as getting a lawyer, due to the fact that i was the one paying for just about everything, there is no way for me to retain one.  In all honesty due to my work schedule i have to admit they are better off woth Mom at the moment.  She does a summer program and is out of work around 2pm and able to P/U the kids from the day program thsy attend.  I also drive a pick-up with bucket seats so transporting them is no5 easy.  I have lined up alternative transportation through friends should she allow me the chance to have our children for the day or overnight.  All in all my only real chance 8s to give her the space of she requires and hope for the best.  I will not allow our children to surrer if at all possible.   Right now it's about minimizing the impact on them.    I am documenting everything regarding my requests for info on MD appt, day programs, health issues and the actual address that they currently life.  So far she is unwilling to provide any of it.  All communication is done VIA email and i BCC 2 third parties.    Am I xoing the right things with what i have to work with?

ocean

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Re: wife left with our children
« Reply #6 on: Jul 20, 2015, 02:30:19 PM »
How about a straight email:
ex,
I am respecting your wishes for some space so we can figure things out, however I miss the kids. Please let me know what day I can pick them up for a dinner visit. I  can meet you or your parents at a public place and spend some time with them. I have made arrangements for other transportation so the kids car seats will fit. Looking forward to a few hours with x and y. Please tell them hello for me tonight and they can call me anytime.
You

You can file yourself in family court for joint custody with a parenting plan stating the days and times you get the kids. Usually the standard is every other weekend, one/two dinner visits a week and vacation/holiday/summer schedule. You can always  change this if you both agree according to your work schedules. When you get court date, you go in and say you want joint custody but agree mom to have physical custody but you visitation plan as mom is not allowing visits right now and you miss your children. Always focus on kids. Judge will tell mom that she needs to follow the parenting plan agreed in court. You can use the same daycare she uses on your time if you wanted to ask for more time. Many fathers are asking for 50/50. Usually it is free or small fee to file in family court. Go to the family court near you and tell them you want to file for joint custody (not a divorce). This will get you the court visitation rolling and you can start seeing kids without asking mom.

In a separate email you can tell her that you are willing to go to couples counseling and if it is looking toward divorce and counselor or mediator to come up with a parenting plan that works for both of you. Remember to put in father's day, your birthday, kids birthday and halloween (those sometimes are missing to the standard plans that some lawyers like to use).

Davy

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Re: wife left with our children
« Reply #7 on: Jul 21, 2015, 10:58:32 PM »
This is for your consideration.  I highly recommend you only go forward with an attitude/belief in thought and speech that "children need both parents" and further that the children are to be immediately returned to their home.  Of course the mother can depart if she so chooses and IT IS BETTER FOR THE CHILDREN THAT SHE DO SO.
 
At the same time, the mother will have access to the children in their home and their home will serve as the foundation for providing their needs and care.  Both parents are called upon to make decisions together for the children without interference from third parties.
 
In the current situation,  the mother is CLEARLY EXPLOITING the children to their very existence and to their short and long term detriment while promoting her self-serving ego and welfare.
 
It might be helpful to consider if a father was acting out in the very fashion as this mother.         

Sam Fisher

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Re: wife left with our children
« Reply #8 on: Aug 07, 2015, 08:45:15 AM »
Sorry for the extended absence.   Things have changed.  She has retained a lawyer who sent me a letter indicating that she is filing for divorce.  I've requested to put a parenting plan into affect but her response (Via phone, never in written format) is "I will get a protection order and petition for full custody."   She does still allow our children to call me nightly but I'm considering not doing that anymore because both children tell me they feel like crying because they do not see me enough(She left on 07/17 and I've only seen our children twice).  I also believe she is listening to the calls and coaching our children's responses.   I really appreciate all the advise I've been given and feel like a coward for not pushing for more time. 

These may not be a questions that someone could answer but here goes.     

Do I push for more visits along with overnights and risk that she will get some type of protection order as well as full custody?

Do I stop or reduce the the before bed calls (this is the only time she will allow them to call me) to talk to them and make sure they know that I love them?

Am I in fact a coward for not advocating for more time for our children given the threats she has made?

ocean

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Re: wife left with our children
« Reply #9 on: Aug 07, 2015, 09:10:08 AM »
Do not give up the phone calls, only access she is giving you right now. If she has a cell phone/lap top ask to do skype type calls to kids so they can see you. Send kids little care packages and see if the kids get them.

Go through her lawyer. Call him or send him a letter stating you are representing yourself at this time but would like to get a temp visitation plan while you go through the court process. Lawyer may make her let you see kids to make her look good in court. Ask the lawyer to get back to you with dates/times that work with the children or you can give a list of dates and times for the next month and ask them to pick which days the children are free. Every time you talk to her lawyer it costs HER money. Lawyer may not respond to you but then you have proof you tried. First try to call him and then send a registered letter so you have proof that you asked to spend time with kids.


You can agree to sole custody but you want a detailed parenting plan to ensure your time with the kids. If you do not have it written in plan then you do not have it so look online and get a combination of one that works for you. Sole custody means she makes decisions about what schools and doctors they go to and really in the end she will be doing that anyway so if you get a detailed plan (states dad is entitled to all doctor and school information then you cover it that way)

Until you get to court ,you have to deal with her to see kids. Do you have a hearing date in court yet?

If she has not filed paperwork with the court, go today to family court in your area and request joint custody and visitation plan. If you get in your paperwork first, you may be able to get visitation faster through family court then divorce court. Then you can take the family court order and merge it into your divorce along with any assets.

brwneyedmom

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Re: wife left with our children
« Reply #10 on: Aug 07, 2015, 05:06:49 PM »
Yes, jump quickly if she has not filed paperwork yet. The general rule that I was taught that he/she who files first, wins. If you want more parenting time, this would be an ideal time to request at least 50%. By limiting your access, she is shooting herself in the foot; courts don't like to see parents play games, in general.
Make everything about what is best for your children. And treat her like a hostile business. Be professional, calm and come here to rant and rave.

MixedBag

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Re: wife left with our children
« Reply #11 on: Aug 08, 2015, 03:11:13 PM »
ditto -- a big ditto.

 

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