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Author Topic: Change in visitation/support  (Read 1280 times)

CNS

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Change in visitation/support
« on: Sep 11, 2016, 08:35:41 AM »
Hello I have twin daughters now 14 years.  I have 50/50 visitation with neither parent being primary residential parent.  I pay child support 2000/month and we are supposed to split all of the other expenses.  I end up paying for all but half of school lunches.

In the last year my coparent has kicked one of my daughters out then after 1-2
Months draws her back.

Last year it was over Christmas so it was a rough year. But then she makes our daughter feel bad,
Bribes then she returns
To her mom only to
Repeat this cycle.
  After this summer,
We are on round two but it's slightly different.  The same daughter now is out of the house and now has to tell her mom when she is coming over.  That lasted about two weeks and now my daughter doesn't want to go over to her moms at all.
This has been going on for 2
Months.  She wants to not go over anymore and wants custody changed. 

They seem to always get into exploding arguments and rarely isn't the daughter in trouble.
Other things that have complicated the issue are that mom has a boyfriend that also yells at her and has been in forced physical contact (hugging,
Touching of the waist). My second daughter had her shirt pulled up by the boyfriend which scared her but now she says it was in play.

I contacted my coparent about these concerns and get laughed at.  The mom hasn't been going to the girls
Activities and when the daughter has requested time with her mom 1:1
She says she can't give it to her.

My coparent has only gone to doctor appts maybe 4 times in 14 years and with braces
Like 3 of the monthly appointments over two years.  They don't talk and only
Text but maybe once every 1-3 weeks. Which usually ends in crying or upset.

She's a teacher and I work professionally but have to make up my
Time.
 
First-
With the daughters' statements warrant concern?  My work experience has shown CPS investigations don't result in changes.

Second-for the daughter wanting to remain all the time at my house.
 Is it reasonable to get a
Change in custody?  I know my coparent won't want the loss of the child support which already seems
Unfair.

My daughter doesn't think her mom wants her.  And now she's afraid of going over because of getting in trouble from mom
Or boyfriend because mom sides with him.

She always says she is calmer and hasn't had any discipline or
Yelling or negative interactions.  She does chores and homework fine and is active in sports and band.  Which we do 4/5
Days a week by her choice and interest.

I don't want to be an irrational or unjust person or make changes for control.
 I think I have some valid concerns.    She asks me if I will make the custody change and I don't really give
Her an answer.  Being a burnt Dad and tired from fighting for them years ago.  I want to support support both of them and am a very active parent.  Any advice on what to do?  Any snowballs chance in he@@ that custody would change?  I


ocean

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Re: Change in visitation/support
« Reply #1 on: Sep 11, 2016, 01:20:01 PM »
What will mom do if she doesnt go? Do you have to go to court over it? If mom is allowing her to stay with you, maybe just leave it alone. At 14, they have a bigger say in court, especially with what she is saying about boyfriend. If it goes to court, you can maybe ask that boyfriend not be around during girls visits.

Another option may be find a counselor you like, start counseling with girls and then invite mom in. This counselor can testify in court if needed so if you have them going to one on your time, usually the courts will agree to keep current counselor.

Or talk to your girls openly about how courts and CPS work. That it will cost a lot of money to change custody and mom will promise them big things to quit in the middle of trial. If they dont want to go, they need to tell mom. If she lets them stay with you so be it. At 14, no one can really make them go. Maybe encourage shorter visits- dinner visit and then she/both can come home to you. Or shorter amount of nights. Leave child support alone for a while, track how many times you have one or both girls on mom's nights. After some time, you can file due to the last year, dad had children xx days on mother's nights.

Teens are hard regardless of divorce. Text is normal way for kids to talk to friends and parents. You only have 3-4 years left with custody issues....hang in there but talk to girls.


 

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