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Author Topic: what should i do in this situation? (newcomer)  (Read 1530 times)


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what should i do in this situation? (newcomer)
« on: Mar 26, 2004, 10:24:43 AM »
1st: im a newcomer here, but  wow, big thx to sparc! im glad this support group is available! who knows how many lives were changed for the better because of sparc. keep it up, we need you!

2nd: while i dont have experiance with family law, or anything like that, i am really good with computers, and the internet. anyone here can feel free to ask me anything, and i will go out of my to help you out.

3rd: my issue. i ussually babble too much so i'll try and keep it to the point. please ask if there any important details i may have left out.

Mary and i meet in Tx. she is going through a seperation.
we get together (divorce is complex due to their debt together)
we have our first born, a boy in texas. he is 1 and a half yrs now.
shortly after his birth we move to Virginia, so i can get a good job.
we have our second child, a girl, in Virginia, she is now about 6 mo.
i am not on either childs birth cerificates for different reasons.
son=in tx a mothers husband must sign a release for another man to be on the childs birth cert.
daughter=in Va an unmarried couple must fill out an additional form through the records office for the father to be added.
(at least this is what i was told by the staff at the hospitals)
the paperwork was never gotten around to (my mistake) i think mary preferred it that way, to make things difficult for me if anything were to happen,...well "anything" happened. the kids have lived with mary and i their whole lives, and i have steadily held a job and been a provider.

about 6 weeks ago, mary said she wanted to take the kids to visit her mother in corpus christi, texas. her mother had not seen the daughter yet, so i had no problem with this "visit".

a couple days ago, out of the blue, Mary calls me and says that she does not want to come back, she is happy down there, has moved in with some old friends, and to top it off, has met another man...yay :X

honestly i dont miss her, but i do miss the children. i think its a horrible thing she has done, but she is being (or at least pretending) to somewhat remotly civil about the kids. i dont think she would stop me from visiting them, but they are 3000 miles away!!!! plus i want them home!

during this phone call, i co-erced (spelling?) her into agreeing to come back to Va with the kids, provided that i purchase the tickets roundtrip, in advance, so that she can leave. she was hesitant to agree as she felt i would try to trap her here. im not even sure if she will actually get on the plane when the time comes. honestly, i probably would/will do anything short of breaking the law to keep the kids here, so she has reason to worry.

im considering trying to make an appointment to have a DNA test done for when she gets here, maybe that can help me out somehow.

thinking long term though, she wants to live in corpus, and i wouldnt mind moving to the D/FW area,i have many freinds there and the job market is *perfect* for me there right there. this would put me much closer to the kids, and visiting would be alot easier.

i have allready booked an appointment with a lawyer, i chose a woman based on some advice i read here.

i know that right now every move, every action taken is critical. what i do now could really change the outcome of how things go.

on one hand, i dont want a nasty fight, but on the other, look what she has allready done to me, and as they say"if you give an inch they take a mile"

jeez, sorry maybe that was kind of long after all, it a complex situatin though (when is it not, right?)

well dads, what should i do in this situation?

[EDIT] p.s. i think because the children are Va residents, Va law would apply, but if i move to Tx, would we be able to go through courts there?
im not sure what would be better, but is there a possibilty of me trying to take advantage of the laws in the state that would benefit me most?


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Jump on that attorney
« Reply #1 on: Mar 26, 2004, 10:44:55 AM »
You need to either file for emergency temporary custody in VA since that is where you live (before she meets TX residency requirements) or immediately get that attorney to file for a court ordered DNA test.  I don't know if you can do the first thing I suggested, since her ex is legally considered the first child's father.  In any event, you MUST get a DNA test and be absolutely sure those kids are yours.

I'm sure someone else will chime in here.


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RE: Jump on that attorney
« Reply #2 on: Mar 26, 2004, 11:56:32 AM »
well i dont think mary's ex is considered the legal father. no father is listed on either birth certificate. i think he just has to sign a release before any father is listed. i could be wrong, honestly, i dont really know what im talking about all that well.

i imagine Mary wont like the DNA test being done, so yes a court order is a good idea i hadnt thought of. im sure the kids are mine, even if she had cheated on me, and they are someone elses children, i still love them and they are a part of my life. i would still fight for them. obviously that would make it harder, but as i said im sure they are mine.

what exactly would the emergency custody order do? would it just keep them in Va? that would be ideal. i dont want to keep the kids from her. they deserve a loving mother and father (which they have) but they need them in their everyday life (which they might not)

my 1st appt with the lawyer is next thursday, which is about two weeks before Mary is supposed to come back to Va.

how long do i have to make sure they are back in Va before Tx laws start to apply? i would imagine something like 6mo. is this right?


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RE: Jump on that attorney
« Reply #3 on: Mar 26, 2004, 12:19:34 PM »
You need to file for DNA testing and custody thru the courts that the children have resided in for the last 6 months. also file a restraining order restraining her from leaving the home state of the chidlren until paternity/custody/visitation issues are settled.

You can file a motion for the DNA testing and custody and the RO at the same time, file all paperwork prior to her returning to the state then once she is in the state of VA have the papers served upon her.

This is the best advice I can give, I would also suggest hiring an attorney asap.

Good luck

And as much as we would all like this stuff to be done as civil people, it rarely happens that way pray for the best expect the worse as for the stars setttle for what you could live with .


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« Reply #4 on: Mar 26, 2004, 01:55:12 PM »
Document literally everything! Tape record conversations (so you have the info to give to your attorney).  Keep a log of every call, time, subject matter, and sit down and document everything you can remember from day one.  Also, go thru bills, make copies of everything that may help you show that the children and Mary did live with you, etc., you never know what she may try to say.  

Also may want to post specifics on Soc board (he is the attorney) Read his rules first! Goodluck!


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