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Author Topic: SHE WALKED OUT OF DEPO!  (Read 2585 times)

tharper001

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SHE WALKED OUT OF DEPO!
« on: Mar 26, 2004, 12:43:00 PM »
Well, it's been a long while since I've posted on this site.  We're years into this ridiculous battle now.  Anyway, today was depositions and my husband's so-called mother of his child, walked out of the deposition.  First of all, she brought the child to the depo so the child had to sit out in the lobby.  Second of all, she told our attorney under oath that she had no prior notification of this depo therefore she couldn't arrange for child care... we have a letter received from her attorney dated 3/4/04 explaining that he was no longer employed by this woman and was sending her the necessary form to remove him from his duties.  In that letter, it specified that this woman was aware of the depo's scheduled for today and that she would be there representing herself!  So that's not enough time to get child care!  And the depo has actually been scheduled for a little over a month.  Yet again, just the true nature of this irresponsible adult coming out under oath!

Oh... and the kicker.... this is my husband's scheduled weekend with his daughter.  When she stormed out, she took the child and squealed out of the parking lot to make the child travel the 75 miles one way back home.  SO... the child had to travel here, then go back, and at 6 PM will be picked up by her father to travel back here -- child's on spring break!

NO WONDER THERE ARE FATHERS AND/OR PARENTS OUT THERE THAT STEAL THEIR CHILDREN.  The deposition supposedly went very well in the way that she showed her true colors.  She's the custodial parent and doesn't think that she needs to share any information with my husband regarding his daughter, and she expressed this under oath.  They do have "shared parental rights".  And another kicker... she thinks it's all about her!!!  She accused my husband (under oath mind you) of never getting over her and this is why he won't leave her and her daughter alone!  THE NERVE.... She doesn't realize that if they ever allow a John Wayne day, that my husband will be first in a line of many to rid this world of THAT problem!

Anyway, my husband and I don't discuss this very much because he is basically leaving it up to our attorney.  He doesn't want to continue getting so angry every time he thinks about it.  I know the attorney is going to file contempt charges against her for changing schools without notifying the father, refusing to list the father as that on school records, refusing to provide the school records to the father and I believe numerous other issues such as this one.  I think walking out of the depo is going to be mentioned too!

Well, just another FINE step in this miserable life of court battles.  I certainly hope we get in front of a judge soon.  This woman is clearly psycho.  I would have loved to have been there.  And I can't wait to read the transcripts.  I certainly hope the Lord sees fit for us to get this 11 year old girl.  Her childhood has been ruined.  If anyone has any advice of how to hang on with the emotion rollercoasters, it would be very well received.  We have a very competent attorney, unlike in 1999, so my husband is very comfortable not pushing him and letting him do his job.  This is the only way for my husband to maintain his sanity.  However, with that, my sanity is being strained, simply because I'm the type of person who wants to know what is going to happen and when.  I can't stand this waiting, waiting, waiting for a court date.  It's ridiculous.

Thanks for letting me vent.  Just another nail in this woman's coffin when it comes to the custody of her daughter.  One day we are either going to win, or the child will finally be 18!


nosonew

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A king and his castle....lol
« Reply #1 on: Mar 26, 2004, 04:17:58 PM »
You should read on one of the other boards some of the definitions of narcissistic personalities! Your dh's ex may fit the profile. I think its under the shrink board.  Anyway, you just have to hang tough.  Try and "enjoy" the moments of her insanity which will come back to bite her, and just try and keep your sanity until that happens!

I know, took 10 years, but ss lives with us now at age 14.  I do think an 11 year old is old enough to sit in a waiting room, HOWEVER, she shouldn't have even known of this! AND, had she told someone she was bringing her, you could have perhaps had someone (yourself?) ready to take her to the park or somewhere fun.  Some people just are in it for themselves.  They think their children are "possessions" to do with as they like.  BUT, it will come back to haunt her one day.  

To give you smile, think about this: "Once upon a time, in a far-away land called Kansas, was a young boy who's evil queen mother tried everything she could to keep the nice young prince daddy away.  After the prince tried everything, court, evaluations, depositions, he still could not win due to her manipulation of the system and how the system works against princes.  Then one day, the youngest prince began to grow as a man, and he stood up to the evil queen and told her he didn't want to live in her dungeon anymore, he wanted to live in prince daddy's beautiful loving castle.  He also pronounced to all the land his wishes, and they were granted.  He now is a happy young prince living with his happy (now a King) daddy, and Good Queen (me) along with several court jesters (brother and 2 sisters). He is now allowed to have his merry-men come to his kingdom, as well as go to theirs.  He is a very happy young prince and his evil queen mother is sitting all alone in her dungeon, most likely planning her next attack on the good King of the Kansas Land.  However, since she no longer has any soldiers left to help with her attacks, they likely will fail.  And, the young prince also rarely goes to her kingdom, as it has been proclimated that the young prince may choose whether and when he would like to visit the other kingdom, thus the reason for the smile on my face everytime the young prince announces to our Kingdom he is not leaving to visit the evil queen."  

The moral to this story: What goes around, comes around. Hang in there!

MYSONSDAD

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RE: SHE WALKED OUT OF DEPO!
« Reply #2 on: Mar 26, 2004, 10:34:15 PM »
If only I could be so lucky...

Hang in there, I think she just made a major booboo


"Children learn what they live"

StPaulieGirl

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RE: SHE WALKED OUT OF DEPO!
« Reply #3 on: Mar 27, 2004, 02:21:34 AM »
She actually walked out?  What an idiot.  Can she be held in contempt?

Oh... and the kicker.... this is my husband's scheduled weekend with his daughter. When she stormed out, she took the child and squealed out of the parking lot to make the child travel the 75 miles one way back home. SO... the child had to travel here, then go back, and at 6 PM will be picked up by her father to travel back here -- child's on spring break!

And another kicker... she thinks it's all about her!!! She accused my husband (under oath mind you) of never getting over her and this is why he won't leave her and her daughter alone! THE NERVE.... She doesn't realize that if they ever allow a John Wayne day, that my husband will be first in a line of many to rid this world of THAT problem!



She's either a sociopath or a narcissist.  There is a great article here about how to nail a narcissist in court.  Face it.  It will never be over with people like that.  If they feel that you've somehow damaged their image, you will pay.  This woman doesn't care about this child, except as a weapon against your husband.  I know your frustration very well.  Btw, I'll reply to your post to me on my exploding spleen post :-)

All I can say at this point is to pray for guidance and restraint.  She'd love it if you gave her the beating she deserves.  Lol, I posted about my neighbor from hell.  She took two guys to the cleaners.  I want to kick her ass, not for that, but for a million other things )(

hskrstepmom

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RE: SHE WALKED OUT OF DEPO!
« Reply #4 on: Mar 30, 2004, 08:21:54 AM »
I believe my husband's ex is either a narcissist or a sociopath. Can you tell me which area of the site to look for that article? I've been trying to research ways of dealing with narcissistic personalities, but have found nothing helpful.


StPaulieGirl

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RE: SHE WALKED OUT OF DEPO!
« Reply #5 on: Mar 30, 2004, 09:30:49 AM »
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/narcissist.htm

I did a quick search on SPARC's search engine.  Also, someone posted a similar question on the Shrink Rap board.  I posted some additional links over there.  


How do you deal with them?  You run.  Not practical when you share children with them :-(

tharper001

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WOMAN IS NO NARCISSIST
« Reply #6 on: Mar 30, 2004, 09:38:30 AM »
The reading that I've done regarding Narcissists indicate to me that this woman is no narcissist.  She doesn't really care what other people think.  She doesn't try to impress anyone by being a good mom... even her own mother will admit the woman has problems.  She doesn't hold jobs... right now she works at a bar.  

I really just think she's a person who has some serious psychological issues.  The problems run in the family, and that's a proven fact.  She's just a very unhappy individual with very low self esteem who is living in a fantasy world and wants to believe that someone still wants her soooo bad that he just won't leave her alone and continues to go for custody.  

Boy, if I ever get the opportunity to let her know exactly how far fetched that scenario is!!!  Unfortunately, I'll just have to act it out in front of a mirror or something, because I won't ever lay eyes on this woman again!  And to talk to her over the phone, she just screams and the message wouldn't get through.  Not that she would get the message, but it sure would make me feel better!

Thanks!

DecentDad

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I've experienced very similar
« Reply #7 on: Mar 30, 2004, 11:01:36 AM »
Hi there,

You may want to check out http://www.bpdcentral.com and see if the criteria ring a bell with you.  There are some very good tactics and techniques to helping to stay in better peace with the chaos and help reduce her perceived ability to dump on you.

Let your attorney know that you can arrange any child care necessary for any other depositions or hearings.  Have him send a letter to biomom advising her of same.  It'll kill her excuse in the future.

I'm dad to a four year old girl, and her biomom and I have been battling over custody for the past three years.  She got first advantage by calling 9-1-1 to make false accusation, so she got temporary orders to be custodial parent despite that prosecutor dropped charges against me after a very brief investigation.

I struggled with a couple of attorneys who didn't "get" the degree of mental illness involved.  They thought that settlement would be possible, that negotiations were in good faith (rather than stalling tactics), and that biomom's venom would die down.

It just doesn't work like that when someone is not mentally well.

My current attorney, in practice for 30 years, does get it.

He did a depo on her, expecting her to hang herself.

Just as you described, the entire thing was largely about her but frequently masqueraded in what's best for the child.

I'm married now to a woman I met shortly after separation from biomom (we were never married).

Yet biomom has insisted that our constant litigation is all about my vengeance for her rejection of me (when I was the one who left).

She's always used terms like "abusive, rage-filled, hostile, harassing" to describe me but in deposition couldn't match any incidents to her adjectives.

She was represented, and her attorney called a couple breaks, I guess to advise her.  But she didn't change.  She saw the depo as an opportunity to turn every issue into blame against me.  It was awesome.

On her contribution to to the conflict, she estimated it at zero percent.

On her contribution to any of the problems our daughter has, she said it's impossible that her parenting has any responsibility-- it's all because of me.

On explaining why video and witnesses show daughter comfortable and happy in my care, she explained it's because daughter has been raised so well with her that she can tolerate my parenting but really doesn't do well with it.

And on and on and on.  She just hung herself.

The deposition is great for locking in answers under oath with a person who doesn't quite understand that it's the equivalent of being on the stand.

I'm finishing up six months of custody and psych evaluations, and we have trial in a month.

The deposition transcript has been invaluable in showing her true motivations, inability to follow rational thought, and inability to support any of her worst allegations.

Sounds like your attorney is doing well... if you contempt her, plus she's uncooperative and explosive in a deposition, it's going great for getting some major changes.

With someone like her, you may ask your attorney about videotaping the [next] deposition.  It may cost you a few hundred more bucks, but a transcript is nothing compared to showing a judge 60 seconds of her screaming and going mega-insane on camera.

Best,
DD

StPaulieGirl

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RE: WOMAN IS NO NARCISSIST
« Reply #8 on: Mar 30, 2004, 12:40:33 PM »
Okay, maybe she needs counseling.  Now if you come back and tell me that she feels all her problems are caused by someone else, and she doesn't need counseling....

tharper001

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RE: WOMAN IS NO NARCISSIST
« Reply #9 on: Mar 30, 2004, 12:48:10 PM »
Oh no... she needs more than counseling.  I just understood a narcissist as someone who tried to be super human... award winning mother, trying to look like a rose in front of other...  and that is not her.

She doesn't care if it's a school official or a cop or obviously an attorney... she'll be nasty to anyone.  It's definitely some type of mental illness, I just haven't pinpointed it yet!

StPaulieGirl

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RE: WOMAN IS NO NARCISSIST
« Reply #10 on: Mar 30, 2004, 01:26:07 PM »
Have you checked the DSM IV?  Antisocial PD?  Check it out.  

tharper001

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RE: WOMAN IS NO NARCISSIST
« Reply #11 on: Mar 30, 2004, 01:36:16 PM »
Will do... I've got a lot to check out considering that my SD begged her father to stop "stalking" her mother yesterday and stop lying about her mother (her mother showed her the court documents).  I posted this on another post and you can read more into it there.

Fortunately, my husband's attorney has told him to calm down and continue to proceed with the custody modifications.  I'm hoping I can support him and get him to continue for custody also.  I'm going to check out the mental area of this website, in hopes of gaining some more understanding of mental illnesses and possible get some advice of how to explain to an 11 year old that her father is doing what is in her best interest.  And that she may not understand that now, especially with the hell she's going through at home, but that everything will work out okay.

StPaulieGirl

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RE: WOMAN IS NO NARCISSIST
« Reply #12 on: Mar 30, 2004, 06:33:07 PM »
Stalking?  That poor child doesn't know the meaning of the word stalking :-(

Your husband sounds like he has a good attorney.  Have a therapist check out those voice mail tapes.  A neutral party could maybe get somewhere with her.  I don't know, my youngest 2 are a couple of tough nuts to crack.  I've given up on therapy for them.  Haha, by the time we get out of here, I'm going to need it.

tharper001

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RE: WOMAN IS NO NARCISSIST
« Reply #13 on: Mar 31, 2004, 09:19:22 AM »
Won't we ALL need therapy!  My life would be so stress-free... oh well!

My husband has requested his attorney get a counselor involved.  Who knows how long that process will take!  My husband does want to continue with the custody... I know it tears his heart out to see his child hurt this way though.

I've actually been thinking of ways to get my SD to open up the next time she's at our house.  I may need to have some time alone with her... and maybe have her tell us "in her words" what she thinks is going on and how that makes her feel.  I would be curious to know what her definition of stalking is as well.  I think if we can get her just to pour her heart out... without the fear of someone screaming at her... and if she can explain what she thinks is happening in her words, we can assure her that she will still have two parents after this is over.  The child has learned to be so careful about what she says... it's really sad.

Best of luck to you!

 

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