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Author Topic: What would you do?  (Read 1475 times)


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What would you do?
« on: Apr 21, 2004, 09:05:57 PM »
I'll try to keep this short. If you have read my other posts it will give you a better idea of whats going on.

Sent letter of intent to exercise visitation with 3 diff days for him to choose all Sat's. SOB snds a rspnse letter back:
April 9, 2003
 Thank you for your attempt to cooperate on the dates of childs departure. Sat. 5/29 would be acceptable but would have to be late in the evening because I have to work until 6p. As you can see from the letter enclosed from my empoyer, I have had to do so since dec 2002. If you would like to change the date to sun 5/30 that would also be acceptable. if you were to do so, then i would get child to the airport as early as possible. again, either date would be acceptable and it is obviously your choice but please keep in mind that i have to work until 6p. thank you for your time and cooperation.  

Ok the problem:
The whole point of giving notice is for him to make arrangements. If he snds her sat eve she wont arrive to my house until after 1a. Too late for an 8 year old to travel. If he sends her on Sun she wont arrive to my house until after 8p. I have to work the next day. So I would be throwing her right in daycare. Sure I could take off Monday, but that would waste one of my 2 vac days for which I planned to use on our summer trip. I am new at my job. They have been great in letting me be excused from Sat's I cant really ask for more. Plus its a big corporation that has attendence policies. He works for his friend in a auto shop with 2 other people for over 5 years. Ok you cant make work arrangement (yeah right) So...I offer to snd my family to pick her up and take her to the airport and he refuses to let anyone else take her. He says his wife cant take her because they have 2 other kids and security in the airport will not let her take the other kids to the gate. I have checked the airport and thats not true. Bottom line is he's trying to short me one weekend. Trying to make it look like I'm the one not cooperating with him.

Look I only get 6 weeks in the summer which mean 6 weekends. The weekends and eves are all I really get to spend with her around work. I have done all I can to adjust my work schedule. He is putting unreasonable restrictions on things.

Should I just deal and book a ticket for Sun and be shorted a weekend?
Demand he let my family pick her up with a police officer, her plane schedule, copy of the divorce decree and notification letter?
Have her come on Friday eve or Sat eve and not get here until 1a?
Just book the ticket for Sat morn and tell him he is expected to have her on the plane?

He has used this excuse before and actually called the airlines to change her flight instead of making other arrangement. This was after 3 letters of telling him it was not acceptable.

We have a court case in the works for visitation problems but it wont be until after my deadline to purchase her ticket.


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RE: What would you do?
« Reply #1 on: Apr 21, 2004, 09:46:49 PM »
Does your CO say you can appoint a designated compitent adult?
If so make arrangements, send a relative a noterized letter to show police with the copy of your CO, then have them p/u your child and get an earlier flight.

Kitty C.

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RE: What would you do?
« Reply #2 on: Apr 22, 2004, 09:16:22 AM »
Why the 1 am. arrival for both Friday and Sat.?  Are we talking coast to coast here?  If there's no other way to get around the time schedule, I'd actually have him put her on the plane on Friday night, even tho she'll get in at 1 am.  At that late hour, it's very probable she will sleep on the plane, she can sleep in a little late on Sat. AND it gives you the rest of Sat. and all of Sun.  

DS has been flying by himself for 10 years+ and, tho he's never had late flights, there have been times that scheduling was tricky.  But kids are resilent and if we're only talking a one-time deal here, I'd go for Friday night.


As for the SM not being able to go to the gate, he is right.  When we took DS to the airport the last time, They had to give ME a special pass so I could go with DS past security, but only one of us could go, so DS had to say goodbye to DH at the entrance to security.  If I had had SS with me (without DH), I would have either had to leave SS alone (NOT an option!) or said goodbye to DS at security also, because SS would NOT have been allowed past that point.  Different airports have different ways of doing things, too.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


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RE: What would you do?
« Reply #3 on: Apr 22, 2004, 07:24:00 PM »
Well she lives in AZ I live in NE. The next flight after 6p leaves at 6:45pAZ and arrives at 11:20pCST 2 hour time difference. By the time we got luggage and got home it would be about 1a.
I checked with U.S. Dept of Transportation Security Administration. They told me that if the SM was by herself with 3 kids 8,6 and 2 that they would let all 4 of them to the gate with a pass from the airlines. I called the airlines and they said they would issue a pass in that situation, if any other adult was there only one would be able to take my daughter to the gate and the other 2 kids and adult would have to say goodbye at security check.
I also checked with the police in her city and they said he could refuse to let my family take her. All they could do would be file a report for visitation interference or something like that. I would probably just end up spending more money and dealing with more drama if I went that route.
I agree with you though. I think I am going to just book the ticket for Fri eve. In chat last night Tapdad made a good point. He said something like go for MORE time with a tired kid. And I didnt think about her sleeping on the plane. Thanks for your advice. I will keep you posted. I cant wait til she gets here.


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RE: What would you do?
« Reply #4 on: Apr 22, 2004, 10:19:32 PM »
what I know . In Wash State, the police won't get involved in domestic cases , second if the court order does not specify any thing about who can pick up or drop off then You can have some one else do it , Ihad the same problem , With My psycho , psycho tried to keep My wife from being the pick up or drop person , She did get it into a court order on a temp plan , But the permanant plan does not , So when It was not on the plan psycho could do all the complaining she wanted , And My atty said if she doesn't give the child to My wife we will file contempt ,I don't know what Your time frame is but I have problems withthe psycho still but it gets better , However I still have to make certain arrangements through My atty ,It costs money , But heres a bug My atty put into My ear the other day , Again WASh state . He said " Theres this wierd rule here but you can do this , "You can fax her atty directly from You" But he can't fax it directly to you He has to fax to Me [Atty] Sooo ,
 The suggestion I get from Him is he would just in turn fax me the fax and I can respond , Ha!1 so on the next issue , I will fax her atty . No Atty fee involved ,My atty  will fax it to me [Minimum charge ) I will fax back to her atty [no fee] So My psycho's insistance on every issue being through attys Will cost her much More than it costs me , there is some fuel for thought , If he has no atty . then it won't work , But the other issue is ,Get the parenting plan through the court period and file contempt on the firstviolation , I had an atty that I fired for not fileing contempt the first time , Lucky I met another atty that files every time , His attitude , If you let them get away with it the first tiem they will do it again , If you file the first time they willgetthe picture that you are going to do it again ,


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