Ho Ho Ho. More Drama For Xmas

[StPaulieGirl]

Once again, Mr. Wonderful has deliberately ignored the court ordered visitation schedule for Christmas vacation.  This year, I am putting my foot down.  Now I'm just waiting for the reprisals :(

His unsigned note to me, with the blank part of the paper ripped off (this is exactly how he typed it):

XXXX,
I'LL Be Picking Up Xxx & Xxxxxx On Saturday Dec 18th, We Will be Taking the Kids to Bass Lake For 3 Days.I'll Bring Them Back Home Christmas Day.

You see, last year he scheduled a trip for his wife and himself during his scheduled visitation which was from end of school until Christmas afternoon.  When I initially reminded him of the court ordered schedule, he whined that he had already made the reservations....in October!  The only reason he was able to have his way was because the youngest one wanted to spend time with him. IIRC, they were back home on the 28th, certainly not when they were supposed to be home.  Good thing I was home, and not out of town.

By the time I was finished typing and editing my reply (sent certified with return receipt), I needed an ice scraper for the monitor:

Dear Mr. Xxxxxxx,
This is to inform you that I have received the note you sent yesterday, via Xxxxxx.  Your visitation with the children this Christmas starts on the afternoon of Christmas Day, and concludes on New Years Day.  In your note you stated that you would pick up the children on December 18, 2004, and return them Christmas Day.  This is in violation of the court order, as was your presumptuous request to change visitation, Christmas 2003.  

The rescheduling of the children’s time with you last Christmas was an arbitrary demand on your part. Because your daughter wanted to spend time with you, I agreed to allow the change.  In the future, may I suggest that you consult the court ordered visitation schedule in advance, before making reservations.  If you are experiencing a problem understanding the court order, please consult an attorney to assist you.

Considering the circumstances, the last several years in particular, I have been extremely cooperative regarding your access to the children on all levels.  However, we also make plans, and those plans are made based on the court order.  Because of this, please bring the children back New Years Day, and not beforehand like last year.

Have a blessed Christmas,
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, maybe I shouldn't have used $20 dollar words like presumptuous or arbitrary.  He has managed to find a way to make Christmas hell for the last 26 years.  I had hoped that would end along with the marriage.  Nope, just gave him even better ways of expressing himself....

[MYSONSDAD]

You were direct, to the point and within keeping it civil.

"Children learn what they live"

[StPaulieGirl]

Unfortunately every scanner is broken in this town.  Maybe I'm not supposed to scan and post his letter to me, but it is so unbelievable that I will try again in a day or so to have it scanned onto a floppy.  My 22 yr old is going in for a C-Section tomorrow morning, so that's going to wait for a couple of days.

For what it's worth, here is my reply to that letter:

You wrote, “ I will be home December 28, 2004.  I would therefore like to pick up the children on 12-28-04 and will return them on New Years Day.  If this is unacceptable, please let me know”.

I don’t have a problem with this arrangement.  We’ll see you on the 28th.
_________________________________________________ ______________

If you only could see what that man wrote.  He sent it certified, btw.  He also had someone else type it.  It was formatted for once.  I was across the lot at my bf's place, trying to take care of business on the phone when my daughter called about signing for the letter.  I told her to go ahead and open it.  She started laughing so hard, she pulled a muscle.  I went over there and read for myself.  It was NOT funny.  It is bloody scary.   Except for him still driving the kids back, there is not one shred of truth in the whole thing.  Speaking of that, read the part I quoted in my reply.  Did the man ask me to come pick up the kids at a specific time from his house?  No, he stated that he would bring them home New Year's Day.  It's one of the things he is complaining about, so why hasn't he said anything until now?

Here are a few blatant falsehoods, and a couple of dangerous examples of projection:

"I have yet to receive that information from you for either the move to Torrance, or the move to Victorville.  I would like to be informed of your address and phone number when you move from Kxxxxx's place in a timely manner".  Hmmm, well we had to be out of the house in Victorville because he forced the foreclosure, and I didn't want to be there when the Marshall showed up.  Mr. Wonderful and his brother were there while we were loading up the U Haul, emptying out the freezer of the food I gave them.  He was there at my folks house the next weekend to pick up the kids for his scheduled visitation.  Unbelievable!

"Page 3 Item 5 states that petitioner (that's him) and respondent are responsible for 50% of unreimbursed medical bills.  I have paid all co-payments on all medical care of the children thus far".  He didn't write that?!  The only co-pay that he has paid for was the dental work several months ago.  The divorce was final in 2001.  I have never asked for his share of all the nickel and dime co-payments, just to save aggravation.  I was trying to find a dentist that was willing to let me make payments, when I made the mistake of asking him to take care of it.  

This one is just insane:  "You were unwilling to allow the children to spend time with us before Christmas and Christmas day last year.  I understand from you that that was supposed to be my time last year".  He blew off his visitation with his kids because he made reservations for himself and his wife, then demanded that I accomodate him.  Only because of the youngest did he get his way.  Where is this garbage coming from?  

There is more:  "I understand that you may have made plans for the children.  As you have not responded to my letters and have refused to accept email and phone calls from me, I have tried to adjust to the situation with the children without communication from you. (also in violation of court orders)  I have provided you with my cell phone number, my home phone, my email and my address, so that you have access to me.  You may choose to deny them the time I requested for them to be with me this year. (From the 18th to the 25th)  I have tried to provide many enjoyable experiences for them and unfortunately, they will miss out on this one.  I will be home December 28th (already included in my response to him)...."  (so what happened to the 25th?)

Any wonder why I blocked sender, and have the adult kids speak with him?  I guess he has conveniently forgotten about last June.  The youngest one asked me if she could stay at his house for the ENTIRE SUMMER.  I said sure.  I've been packing up 50 years worth of things for the last year, so hey works for me.  He agreed to pick her up on a certain day.  He never showed.  He shut off his cell phone, and no one picked up at the house.  His inlaws live with them.  Someone was home.  The little one went on 411.com and looked up the company where he works.  I was at the store, but my son told me that she found someone with the same name as him and let him have it.  Poor guy :(

Understand that his letter amounts to a 3000 word rant.  I'd like to give a huge thank you to Lilbit for her post a while back for making me remember to stay strictly on topic.  I do want to post the damn thing in its entirety.  Maybe Law Moe can check it out.  This stuff is nothing compared to some of the other lies.  I had my first panic attack in almost a year after reading this stuff.  

Starting in January, I will save every receipt, and will start documenting.  Something I should have been doing from the start.  I have 8 years of this to look forward to....

[MYSONSDAD]

Hang in there and work on the positives. Holidays are always bad, so make the best of them. Attitude is everything...

"Children learn what they live"

[Bolivar]

Thanks for sharing.  That would make a good Jerry Springer show.

I have a X-mas, holiday schedule and communication story.  But it does not even come close to comparing with yours.


Hopefully we will all be laughing in years to come at our conflict with our eX.  However I know people who have been divorce 10-20 years and the meanness still comes out when the family gets together.


Merry Christmas !!!! HO HO HO HO HO HO HO