Vacation Response

[Bolivar]

How would you respond to email??



I always have problems with scheduling my vacation time and how to count days of vacation.

First let me say that my Brother emails all my requests.  That way I sort of have a witness.  Also since the divorce (2000) we have been doing the exchange of our son, at McDonalds.  

Here are the last correspondences between my eX and myself concerning vacation.  The vacation is in FL where my parents “son’s Grandparents” winter for the season.

I have already bought my plane tickets and made a down payment on the motel room in FL.

According to my divorce decree I think I get 4 weeks vacation this year.

============================================


----HACKal Message-----
From: Bolivar/BROTHER
To: eX
Sent: Wednesday, February 16, 2005 1:20 PM
Cc: Bolivar
Subject: Bolivar's Vacation Schedule


Hello eX,

Bolivar's Vacation Schedule:

Bolivar will be bringing SON to visit his Grandparents and Florida;


1. Flight leaves Friday April 22


2. Returning Saturday, April 30


Bolivar would like to switch his SON’s Daycare pick up(3-6:00pm)  April 19 Tuesday to April 21 Thursday at 3:00 p.m..  This way SON can spend the night so leaving early Friday morning to catch the flight will be easer on him.


Bolivar

======================================

----- Response Message -----
From: eX
To: Bolivar/BROTHER
Sent: Tuesday, February 22, 2005 1:53 PM
Subject: RE: Bolivar's Vacation Schedule


Hi Bolivar/BROTHER,

Please ask Bolivar since he'll be gone over a week (and also on my normal weekend) if he wants to have SON for 2 weeks vacation instead.

Maybe we could exchange SON on Saturday 4/16 (Bolivar's normal weekend) and then again on Saturday 4/30 (Bolivar's normal weekend).

That way, Bolivar won't have to make up the time for my weekend on 4/22 - 4/24 since I'll have SON on Friday 4/15 and Saturday night 4/30.

Let me know.
Thanks,
eX

[Kimberly9]

No wonder you are confused. . .

Do you have to have 4 WEEKS visitation or can it be broken down into 28 days?

I would say that Friday to Saturday is 1 week and 1 day.

On the other hand if . . .  Friday April 29th - Sunday May 1 is Bolivar's normal weekend then perhaps I would think of it this way. . .

Vacation time:  Friday April 22 - Friday April 29   -- 1 week
Weekend time:  Friday April 29 - Sunday May 1

Has it been your past practice to give make-up time if your vacation overlaps her weekend?  If so, it would seem to take away dates from your court ordered visitation, because you just have to give them back to her as make up time.

[Stepmom0418]

Does your CO say that the vacation time takes presidence(sp?) over normal visitation time? If your Co does say this then you would not need to make up her time with Son for the weekend she will be missing during your vacation time.

[Troubledmom]

Kimberly and Stepmom have valid points Bolivar.

1. What exactly does the CO say about vacation periods?
    A. Do they take precedence over regular parenting time?
    B. Do they instruct how vacation time is to be distibuted?
        i.e. 2~ 2week periods, 4~ 1 week periods?

If your vacation time does take precedence and you are able to break the time up I would keep the Tuesday visit and then start your vacation time Thursday April 21 with the vacation ending on Friday at the start time of your regular weekend and then return your son at the regular end of weekend parenting time.

Your proposal would look like this:

Dear Ex,
        I have looked at the time factors involved in the vacation I have requested with SON. Here is the schedule I am proposing:

I will begin vacation on Thursday April 21 at (time)

Vacation will end on Friday April 29 at (time) at which time I will assume my regular weekend parenting time.

I will return SON on (day/date/time) as per the parenting plan.

Please note that in our parenting plan vacation takes precedence over regular parenting time and although I understand that you want to spend time with SON as much as I do, this time for SON and I together is in addition to the regular parenting time and as such is not subject to make up time for your lost weekend.

Bolivar

[joni]

I thought vacations take precedence over the other parent's normal weekend visitations.  If a parent takes the vacation, the other parent doesn't get the makeup weekend.

Further, is this a vacation or Spring break?  Spring break shouldn't count towards your vacation.  You should be alternating spring breaks.  Also, spring break would cancel the other parent's weekend.

[MixedBag]

In addition to the other thoughts, I wouldn't accept her proposal about making it two full weeks, because I bet you're only gonna be off work for the time you're planning to go to FL and that other week, you'll be at work and not be able to have the time with your child.

[Bolivar]

Thanks Kimberly9, Stepmom0418, Troubledmom, joni and MixedBag for the response. :-)

When it comes to the custody of my son and the court system I am dealing with a major case of RESENTMENT/anger :-(  (resentment = anger from the past).

I have difficulties being impartial when communicating with the eX because of how I feel the system supports my eX in restricting the relationship between my son and me.

WHY?

NCP = 4 weeks Vacation.
CP = Not even specified.  Unlimited.

NCP = 4 days a week with son.
CP = All the other days in month.

NCP = Must pay what government demands per month OR go to jail.
CP = Does NOT have to work.  Math calculation on wages, no government consequences for not working or working part time.


I = calculate 4 weeks vacation as 28 days.  I spell out my vacation time in such a way to MAXIMIZE my time with son.

eX = says I must use vacation time ONE week at a time (7 day increments).


I really would like to spend more time with my son than a mere 4 days a month and my ever Tuesday visit from 3:00-6:00 pm, and 4 weeks of vacation.

Sorry for the rambling.  I am not sure how I am going to respond.  However I have come to realize that using the court system and/or lawyers to resolve small differences (like this one) is a waste of time and money.

Matter of fact I have learned unless there is a major, and I mean HUGE problem with AFTER divorce issues, do not waste your time or money with court and/or lawyers.

Thank goodness I have lots of friends in the area that I can visit and bend there ear.  There is nothing like a good friend to help one focus on the good things in life and everything I have to be grateful for.  I can only hope that I have given back to my friends as much as they have given me.

Thank you all for your view. :-)