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Author Topic: 13 year old refusing visition, past history of abuse in home  (Read 2410 times)


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Hi! I was here a while back, but I don't see many faces now that I remember from then. Anyway, SPARC was instrumental in getting my two children out of an abusive situation with their dad (who is a great person, but has an abusive girl friend). Children (now 16 and 13) moved here two years ago. Dad was awarded 5 weeks summer, and holidays, but has never exercised visition. Two years, no visitation. The last time the children were there, the girlfriend threw older child out of the home, and dad went along with it. Dad and older child have not spoken in almost two years. Younger child has talked to dad a handful of times during that period. Dad is 4K in arrears on child support, in addition.

Dad has just announced he wants to exercise visitation for just the younger child. (No mention of the older one, who is "no longer welcome in their home" last we heard.) Younger child was verbally and emotionally abused to the point of suicide while she lived there. She agreed to spend a week there. Dad has come back and emailed me demanding he have entire time, saying he won't take time off, etc. Daughter is very upset.

I recognize that Dad has a right to visitation. HOwever, the abuse issues did not come up until after the custody modificatin was final, because the children were told if they told anyone, they would end up in foster care and would never see me again. (Like I said, a lot of emotional abuse.)

Do I:

1. Make daughter go, even though I am deeply concerned about her wellbeing and emotional safety there?

2. Refuse the full visitation, knowing it puts me in contempt?

It's an interstate case, and even pro se, it will cost me thousands to take the matter back to court.


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RE: 13 year old refusing visition, past history of abuse in home
« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2005, 09:05:09 PM »
Interesting that the older child is not welcome in the home.  I assume the 13 yr old knows how to use a phone, dial 911, etc.

I would buy her a cell phone or/and calling card to use to be able to call everyday and talk with you to make sure things are going okay.  

I would also maybe alert the LOCAL police there that the child did NOT want to go, due to abusive situation before and the custody issue etc.  Just so they are aware incase daughter has to call them.

Hopefully she will be more secure with a lifeline to you.  Does the local child protective know what happened before, why custody was changed etc.?  You might want to alert them of the situation also.

I would also let the ex and GF KNOW that I've talked to both the police and child protective people and there better not be any abuse going on period, or you ex will have ONLY supervised visitation from now on at a visitation center with GF NOT present.  If though you don't have the money to go to court, he's not going to want to go to court either being so behind in arrears.  

Why haven't you pressed this matter?  Is he paying at all?


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RE: 13 year old refusing visition, past history of abuse in home
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2005, 07:24:30 AM »
HI! I just read a news archive regarding a similar situation. Since I do not know the specifics of your situation, and I am not a lawyer by any means (just a divorced Mom hoping to establish a working parental relationship with my ex husband for the sake of our two precious children), I will decline to give you my opinion, but it looks like you are not alone in your battle. There are certainly precedents for cases where abuse is/was an issue. Good luck!


Amy Smith
Isaiah 40:31


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RE: 13 year old refusing visition, past history of abuse in home
« Reply #3 on: May 21, 2005, 08:59:58 PM »
Well this is what I did.

My ex hadn't seen his son in 2yrs (no contact)he got a new girlfriend when our son turned 5 and all of a sudden wanted to be an active part of his life (his parents always say our son)

Anyways, my son did not feel comfortable being alone with his dad, so I filed a motion to modify the parenting plan, I requested supervised visits by his parents (whom are great) unti he and son established a relationship. Due to the long period of time where dad has no or little contact with our son the judge agreed and ordered supervised visitation.

If you have proof of the abuse etc bring that to court, I did this without an attorney and it worked well for me.

Now my son is 13 and his dad is still in and out of his life and it doesn't bother me that his dad is unsupervised (never had the orders changed) but I also know that my ex lives with his sister so I have no worries as his family would never let anything happen to their nephew/grandson.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**


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