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Author Topic: Right to know intentions and tired of the intrusion  (Read 1300 times)


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Right to know intentions and tired of the intrusion
« on: Jul 15, 2005, 10:18:01 AM »
My ex-girlfriend and I have a 12 year old daughter. When we split up when my daughter was 5 we were awarded joint custody with her being the primary caregiver. Up until a year ago we were able to communicate with each other either by phone or in person as to our intentions as far as visitation and such. A year ago she became involved with a man that she recently married. From the point of his entrance into the whole situation I would no longer be able to contact or talk to her about my daughter unless he was present. Then it further esculated to the fact that everything had to be said via my daughter putting her into a position that caused and is causing her great distress.
Anyway I was to have my daughter from the 1st through the 15th of July, my daughter expressed the fact that she wanted to take her new dog to the 4th of July Fireworks and because I was have her on the 4th it being part of my summer schedule I told her she could stay with mom and stepdad and that I would pick her up the following day after work. Anyway then while she was with us my daughter told me that her mother and stepfather were going to a family reunion and that it would cut my visit even shorter. Well things happened and my daughter's greatgrandfather passed away so the trip for the reunion was canceled and I wanted my daughter after the funeral to be able to have some makeup time with her that I gave up because of her wishes. So I called and left a message for her mother to call me and she did not so I called there. I asked her what her plans were and if they were still going to the reunion. She exploded on me and then I could hear her husband in the background screaming obscenities and saying that he was her husband and that I did not have the right to call her anymore. So I asked her if he would talk to me, so she put him onto the phone,. He then preceded to tell me that she was his wife and that they had bought a home together and that he had given her a truck for her birthday and that they were doing great and that they did not need me to be causing trouble. I sat there in disbelief after he told me how his first wife cheated on him and that he did not want her talking to me. I then told him that because of the lack of communication and putting my daughter in the middle that my fiancee and I never knew what to expect or had anyway of making any of our own plans. I also told him that I was glad that they were doing so well but there needed to be communication among the adults concerning our daughter. So then he pretty much told me that where my daughter was concerned that I would have to talk to him and told me when he would be home and when I could call.
My question is this. Is there anything legally that I can do? I did not have a child with him and I understand that he is her stepfather but who has precedence here. He also went so far as telling me that he had problems with the police where he lived and that was why he moved here. He also told me that he can not see his own 13 year old son because his ex refuses him visitation, (they live 4 states away). I have a feeling that there is a reason why he can not have his son. He also has a 22 year old daughter who refuses to even see him and she does not live at home. Can you give me any advice as what to do? Is there a way that I can check into his background and see if he did anything bad that has caused him to loose vistitation rights. I am very concerned for my daughters well being with a man who seems to have a screw loose. I do not care that he married my ex all I want to do is have my time with my daughter and not having him dictate to me when and how?


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RE: Right to know intentions and tired of the intrusion
« Reply #1 on: Jul 15, 2005, 12:02:06 PM »
Wow this guys sounds abusive!  I'd be worried too.  Abusers tend to try and cut women off from a support structure, and if your ex and you were getting along well before this guy came into the picture, you could be considered a member of that.  

You DO NOT have to talk to this guy.  Any court will tell you that since you and he didn't have a child together, you and he do not have to communicate regarding your child, no matter how he feels about it.  Add to that, he CANNOT dictate when you will and when you won't see your daughter. He has no legal right to do so.  

Here's a website for doing background checks:


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