your frustration & anger. Have you considered a course of inpatient therapy. We have been in a similar situation for years. My granddaughter benefitted greatly from a few of stays in Red River Mental Hospital. They worked intensely with her & then when she came out, they have a day program, with school that the patients attend for 4 to 6 weeks until they are ready to return to their neighborhood school.
Putting her in there the first time was probably one of the hardest things my son ever did in his life but it did help. He got Custody when she was 9 & by 12, she had been there 4 times. She used to threaten suicide so that she could go there to feel safe. She is now 14 & finally starting to see her mother for what she really is.
One thing you said in your last post, just clicked & something my son did might help you. You said that she refuses to follow rules & is very unhappy. Her behavior is probably one of 2 things. Either she believes that negative behavior is the best way to get attention or perhaps she has been told that if she is bad enough, you will give up & let her live with Mom.
We went through both situations with MDGD. Her therapist told my son & his wife not to respond to negative behavior. Simply, quietly state that her behavior was not acceptable. Take a pencil & a piece of paper & print out a positive affirmation, appropriate to the situation. It could be as simple as "I know it is important to tell the truth." Send her to the kitchen table to write it 25 times.
When she finishes it, quietly tell her that you hope she will continue to improve. Then tear the paper up & have her throw it in the trash. Supposedly, doing that will drive home the message that when we do something for a person, they should appreciate it. By you tearing up what she just did, she should experience some frustration of you not appreciating what she has done. Anyway, it does work for them.
When I tell you that we know about a twisted vindicitive woman who plays with a childs head, I am not kidding. She has & still continues to tell her lies but MDGD is starting to see through her & take control of the situation.
Another thing that has helped was my son telling her that we will never lie to her. And we don't. He did tell her that some things are for adults only & therefore none of her business. Court is one of those things & until recently, he has never spoken to her about any of it.
This time, though, the PBFH told her that he had taken her to court & was trying to get the court to ban her from ever seeing her & her brothers, again. He did have to tell her that her mother had initiated the case & he was only defending himself.
Actually, she had taken him to court & charged him with contempt for failing to produce the children for visitation on 3 weekends at the end of 2005. Of course, she forgot to mention to her free lawyer that she had failed to show for visitation since dec of 2004.
She had gotten to talk to her mother when her dad was nice enough to let her & the boys spend a weekend with her aunt & her maternal grandparents. He told them that if they brought her mother out to see them, there would never be another visit because their therapist said they needed reunification counseling after not seeing her for nearly a year & a half.
They did not bring her out but did call & let her talk to her, not the boys. The PBFH used that call to lie about the court & get her all angry at her dad. We thought she was going to wind up in the hospital again but he helped her & they got through it together.
The PBFH used to tell her that it was her job to break her daddy & his fiance up. That way she & daddy would get back together & they would be a family again. When that came out & didn't work cuz they got married, she then told her that if she was really bad, & did bad in school, her daddy would get mad at her & send her to live with her mom.
All that got her was the chance to repeat sixth grade. It was a rough year, but she learned more about the kind of liar her mother is. One thing that we always tell all the kids, (my son & his wife have 8 kidletts between them) is that there is nothing they can ever do to make us stop loving them. We tell them that we may not like what they do or they may disappoint us, make us angry and such but nothing and no one can ever make us stop loving them.
We feel that all kids need to hear that frequently. I hope this gives you some hope. I realize the pain you are in but the pain of losing her will be worse. Reconsider not using your summer visitation. Consider video recording as much of each visit as you can. Make plans according to her behavior. If she is good, you will do something special on the next visit.
Document all of this & if things get worse, you can get your lawyer to file an emergency ex parte order to stop all visitation until you can get back to court, hopefully before another judge.
Good luck & God bless.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!