I swear, if murder weren't illegal! PBFH is so not on my Christmas list. YSS has been diagnosed with an adjustment disorder by three- yes, three - certified mental health professionals. His therapist, a
psychologist and a child psychiatrist. Two of the three recommend anti-depressants. The third made no recommendation as to treatment because that wasn't her job. Therapist says it's neglect to not treat this. PBFH has been fully advised. She was contacted by the psychiatrist's office to determine her views and that pig tells them she will not agree to place him on anti-depressants and furthermore, she won't agree to have
SD even assessed for her social anxiety or long term depression. The psychiatrit's office has to cancel the appointment for SD that we had to wait three months to get.
What is her reason? I called her yesterday to find out and she says YSS and SD don't want to live here and that having them diagnosed and treated is masking the problem rather than fixing it. I am guessing her idea of "fixing" it would be sending them back to her home to be neglected some more. Funny, I don't see either of them begging to go back. In fact, neither of them have made any comments about going back to live with their mother. They have both mentioned liking it with me and
DH. They may feel torn, yes, I will agree with that. Desperate to go back with her. Not a chance.
She insists on discussing this with DH. No problem. She can talk it over with him all she wants, but the fact is, the issues will be the same. He will let her know that he will file a motion to have medication ordered and SD assessed if she doesn't agree and he will also ensure that he shows the court that she is continuing her neglect of the children's mental health as the NCP. She neglected it as the CP, why should a change of custody change her behavior?
Relieved the call is over, I start to get YSS ready to spend the night at his best friend's house. SD is getting ready to go to the mall. SD suggests that YSS call PBFH before he leaves so she can talk to him. I waited around for about 15 minutes and YSS still hasn't come downstairs, so I go up to see what is taking him so long. He is still on the phone with PBFH and he is obviously upset. After about 2 more minutes, he gets off the phone and gives the phone to OSS, who starts saying things like, "Because all he's going to do here is play video games. Because it's too cold out." YSS is about ready to cry. I ask him what's going on and he says him mom told him he can't spend the night at his friends' house. WHAT?!?!? Who the hell does she think she is?? I know she's his mother, but what does she think she's doing trying to dictate what day-to-day activities go on here. I'm sorry, but she had her chance to do right by these kids and she blew it. It's DH's turn.
I tell OSS to give me the phone when he's done and I ask PBFH what problem she has that YSS can't stay the night at his friend's house. Because he was over there last weekend and he can spend the day there but shouldn't stay overnight. Why? I ask. Because he should be home with the family. We don't have plans for the weekend, I tell her. Don't you take them to the park? Um, is it just me, or is it winter in the Northern Hemisphere? I could be wrong, but I believe it is, in fact, winter. I know the temperature doesn't go over 50 degrees most days and it's rained almost every day for the last two weeks. Those are usually signs that this would be the winter season. So I tell her that it is wet and cold and that the kids would be pretty miserable if I were to take them to the park. Well, she says, you should be doing family things. I have taxes to file, bills to pay and a house to clean. I wish I had a day to set aside, but while DH is gone, that isn't going to happen very often. I mean, I just don't understand it. She tells me it's not "their" culture to stay over at friend's houses overnight. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if a child was born in the USA and the child's parents were born in the USA, their "culture" is pretty much American culture?? And is it Mexican culture to not stay overnight? Even if that were true, PBFH was born and raised in America. The kids were born and raised here. How is it not "their" culture?? The logic is just not there. It's just not!
I tell her that I have already OK'd YSS going, so I was going to let him, but to compromise with her wishes, I would limit his overnights to twice a month. I let YSS know that his friend can stay over at our house on the other weekends. He seemed satisfied with that compromise. He was very angry with his mom. He didn't understand her reasoning, either. All I know is that those behaviors and strict limitations on her activities and friends are what stunted SD's emotional and social growth. I'm not about to allow her to do that to YSS, too. DH is in 100% agreement. I just kept telling her, but that's what kids DO! They have sleepovers.
And then PBFH starts in about SD going to the mall by herself. 15 1/2 years old. She's old enough to have a learner's permit, but, according to the Pig, she's not old enough to spend an hour and a half at the damn mall! It's infuriating!! SD has a cell phone, the mall is policed by private security, bicycle police and "bumblebees" (tour guides) and it's only a 7 minute drive from our house. SD is responsible enough to spend 90 minutes at the freakin' mall!! It's absurd, it's rediculous, it's insane!! I want to choke her and tell her that SHE is the reason YSS and SD have problems. SHE is the reason that they are the way they are and that me and DH are the one's who have to fix it all and that since she caused the problems, she should have no F-----G say in ANY of it.
Trying to get this uncontrolable anger and frustration out of my system, but I'm having a hard time. I desperately try not to hate her, but damn it, she doesn't make it easy. Thanks for letting me vent.