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Author Topic: EXTREMELY off topic and kinda personal......but.......  (Read 7489 times)

Kitty C.

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Thair, I hate to tell you this.............
« Reply #10 on: Feb 19, 2004, 02:59:54 PM »
..but I don't think this is a finance issue, but a control issue with your husband.  And as blatantly as he refuses to acknowledge what's going on, I don't think any amount of talking on your part is going to change his mind.  Right now, the only thing I can think of is counseling, but other than that, hitting the skids financially may be the only way he will 'wake up' to the truth.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......


thairagain

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you are welcome....
« Reply #11 on: Feb 19, 2004, 03:46:20 PM »
My dh used to be that bad, but he has become better so I guess I shouldn't complain.  Now he will at least "discuss" the bills, but will not accept my answers.  

For example, he may say "thair, do we have enough in the budget to purchase a new so and so?".  

Then I will say, "Not this week but maybe in about 3 weeks we can."

dh.."Why not?  I noticed the ATM receipt said that we had enough and then some!"

me..."Because what is currently showing will be used for xyz bill in 2 weeks."

dh..."but I don't understand it.  It's there, why can't I spend it, now and then we can replace it when it comes time to pay the bill?"

me..."There isn't any extra money coming in between now and then to "replace" it.  Why don't you look at the budget so I can show you what bills need to be paid w/in the next few weeks so you will understand."

dh..."No!!!  Just give me a "yes or no" answer!"

sigh....and the whole conversation starts over again till someone gets frustrated and walks away.

Anyway....I agree w/ peanuts.  You were right in saying no to going to get your dh's lunch.  If I were you, I wouldn't leave him anymore money to "go out" and eat if he is going to be home all day.  Just make sure that the fridge and pantry are filled so he can't say that he didn't have anything to eat!  You're dh sounds as if he may be depressed or something.  You may want to suggest counseling.

Good luck to you.

thairagain

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RE: EXTREMELY off topic and kinda personal......but.......
« Reply #12 on: Feb 19, 2004, 04:03:30 PM »
thanks, for your response.  At least I don't feel so very alone.

You right.....somehow things do always work out....but I loose many hours of sleep in the meantime.  Plus the kids are getting tired of chicken and the various foods that can be made w/ hamburger meat! lol

thair

thairagain

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RE: Thair, I hate to tell you this.............
« Reply #13 on: Feb 19, 2004, 04:08:52 PM »
That is interesting, but I couldn't tell from your post if you are suggesting that I'm trying to control him or that he is trying to control me.  Either way I realize that it would be a problem since no one likes to be controled by another.

thair

MixedBag

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RE: EXTREMELY off topic and kinda personal......but.......
« Reply #14 on: Feb 19, 2004, 04:14:30 PM »
Has he ever heard of checks that haven't cleared so that the balance that shows isn't a TRUE balance?

Oh dear,

Then I have another suggestion...

Take your bills and I'm gonna guess that the HOUSE payment is really the only one you'll need to do this with....and write TWO checks for the house payment to "eliminate" that huge amount of extra cash that needs to be available at the end of the month.

Write a check against a number.  (and hang on to it until the end of the month.)  Maybe if he sees an outstanding check that hasn't cleared yet he will understand?

Maybe your mortgage company will let you make bi-weekly payments on your mortgage instead of monthly payments?  (this also means you make 13 payments per year instead of 12 and you'll save TONS of money over the years).

He's got to understand what's going on before he'll change his habits.


thairagain

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Well.....we "hit the skids" financially......so now for the time
« Reply #15 on: Feb 19, 2004, 06:31:10 PM »
being we will not be making any new major purchases.

I was really sick today and called the parents of whom I care for their children this morning to tell them I couldn't watch their kids for today.  I went to the doctor and I have strep throat.  I usually call in only maybe about once a year, but this is my second time so far this year and it's been w/in a month.  One of the children's mother told me this evening when I called her to tell her that I had strep and would not be able to watch kids again tomorrow, told me that she had decided to put her child into daycare.  So there goes that weekly income of $110!  I have other children to care for so I still have income, but it was just bad timing.  Anyway, I'll put an ad in the paper next week and will probably be able to fill the spot plus the 3 infant positions available for a potential income of about $500 more a week.  Until then, I told dh tonight that we absolutely could not afford to make any major purchases until I am able to get my income level back up to it's acceptable level.  He humbly agreed........sigh......

Thank God we have that $4000 check to compensate until the income gets back to normal!  Otherwise, we would have been in major trouble!

Thank you all for your responses.

thair

Kitty C.

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Sorry I didn't make myself clear........
« Reply #16 on: Feb 20, 2004, 08:40:36 AM »
But it's always been my opinion that people who put their heads in the sand have serious control issues.  And his blatant refusal to even learn what's going on says a lot to me........
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

MixedBag

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Another technique
« Reply #17 on: Feb 20, 2004, 11:46:13 AM »
thought about you this morning.

Use envelopes and take the money OUT of the checking account and put it physically into the envelopes.

Make one for each monthly bill.

Then he won't SEE the money in the account and you'll still have it set aside for when the bill is due.

A money order at Walmart here in town costs 46 cents....might be worth it for the sake of peace of mind?

For example, you get paid weekly.

Your mortgage is $800 per month.

Take $200 per week and put it into the envolope and out of the checking account and by the end of the month, you've got it together and he hasn't spent it because it's THERE.

thairagain

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WHEW!!!!
« Reply #18 on: Feb 21, 2004, 07:39:48 AM »
Thought you were meaning me! lol  Of course, it is something that I hear from dh all of the time (that I control him), so from an "outside source" it would have made me sit up and take more notice!

I don't want to control "him"; I just want the spending to be more controled!  I was so irritated at him last night.  The other night when he supposedly conceded to not purchasing new mattresses, it was just to keep a discussion from starting because he was tired.  He told me last night that he still wants to buy new mattresses at the very least! GRRRRR.....again I explained that my income had just dropped unexpectedly and until I was able to replace it, I could not agree.  He continued to insist that he didn't understand and demand what I was spending the money on.  I finally told him that I was tired of trying to explain it w/ words when they obviously weren't good enough and that if he wanted any further explanations all he had to do was look at the budget!  He was quite angry w/ me!  Every few minutes he would say "well what about buying so and so....or what about doing this...."  I would calmly reply...."DH...look at the budget; your answers are there."

Dh isn't speaking to me today.....sigh....FINALLY SOME PEACE AND QUIET! lol

 

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