Name Change

[chipmunk226]

I have a 5 year old son that I had out of wedlock.  He was born in Montgomery County, PA.  We now live in Washington County, MD. When I was to fill out the birth certificate, they said by law, they would not add the "alleged" father's name because we were unmarried.  They said that we had to get a statement of paternity, or something. I did, however, give my son his father's last name.  

Paternity had already been established before my son was born.  But they said he still had to sign something and have it notarized to be added to the BC.  Well, his dad never did.  We have since split and I have married.  How hard would it be for me to add my husband's name to the end of my son's name?  I will mention to you that his father would NOT agree to this.  I don't want to remove his last name, but he doesn't want to hear it.  Since we were never married am I obligated to keep his last name as my son's last name?  What would I have to do to add it?

Thanks for you help!

~EvaCollette

[lovehiskids]

Do you have a CS/Visitation order or any court order making him the dad?

If so, you can not change the child's name without his permission or taking it to court.

[wendl]

well may here won't like my response.

My sons dad and I were never married, he was listed as the father on my sons b/c when he was 5 months old, hoever son continued to carry my last name.. His dad has never been really involved in our sons life (his choice) I married 2yrs ago to a wonderfull man. When I told my son I was marrying dh he asked what his last name would be (he was 10 at this time) I informed him he would have the same name as he always had. He asked if he could change his name, I asked if he wanted to change it to his dads last name and he said no he wanted to use stepdads name (stepdad has been there prior to this for 2yrs) so in school sons school records have both my maiden name (for legal purposes) and they hyphen it with my dh's last name. I told my son that when he was older if he still wanted to change his name legally we would dicuss it as I don't think a 10yrs should be making this decision so young.

SO for 2yrs we are going by both names, but all legal info has his legal name on it.

:)
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[stepmom74]

My husband was at the birth of his first daughter but the BM would not put him on the BC as the father of the child out of spite.  They were never married and she has full custody (as of right now--we are working on changing that soon!)  

We had to go to court to get his name on the birth certificate.  We have seen his daughter since she was about 4 months old.  She is now 10.  Her mother married and now she has neither her mother's nor her father's last name.  Can you legally get her name changed to her father's last name if he sees her regularly and has been a part of her life since birth?  There is no reason why she didn't get his name to begin with except that the BM knew that she would hurt my husband.  He's a very loyal father and I think it is hard for his daughter to understand why she doesn't have either one of their names.  It makes no sense to me why her mother did that to her.  

Is it a possibility to ask that in court or is that out of the question?

Stepmom74

[wendl]

you can ask the court, you can let the courts know that this is confusing your daughter by not having any of her parents last name.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Kitty C.]

About ten years ago, I did birth certificates at a major CA hospital.  I have yet to hear that the laws have changed, but I do know that this was FEDERAL, meaning it applies to everyone.  The law states that NO child's name can be changed without specific consent of BOTH parents.  Once the child turns age of majority, they can petition the court for a legal name change, if they so choose to do that.

So if one parent says no, then it cannot be changed.  And your son's father being named or not on the BC as the father has NOTHING to do with it.  You have paternity established legally, so you BOTH must agree to any name change.

If anyone knows anything different, let me know........

[MyAngels4]

Kitty,
as you know my youngest would love to change his last name, but I keep telling him, no it is ----- --------, but he tells me when he is an adult he will change it to my and DH's last name instead of his Dad's.
So I checked the Iowa laws and it states this:

674.6  Notice -- consent
If the petitioner is married, the petitioner must give legal notice to the spouse, in the manner of an original notice, of the filing of the petition.

If the petition includes or is filed on behalf of a minor child fourteen years of age or older, the child's written consent to the change of name of that child is required.

If the petition includes or is filed on behalf of a minor child under fourteen, both parents as stated on the birth certificate of the minor child shall file their written consent to the name change. If one of the parents does not consent to the name change, a hearing shall be set on the petition on twenty days' notice to the nonconsenting parent pursuant to the rules of civil procedure. At the hearing the court may waive the requirement of consent as to one of the parents if it finds:

1.  That the parent has abandoned the child;

2.  That the parent has been ordered to contribute to the support of the child or to financially aid in the child's birth and has failed to do so without good cause; or

3.  That the parent does not object to the name change after having been given due and proper notice.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I am taking it that when he is 14, if he wants to file to change it,
 he can do it without his dad's permission. I am really going to urge him to wait till he is 18 tho, so that he is sure that is what he really wants to do.

MyAngels4

[Stepmom0418]

Hey Kitty, Since you did birth certificates I thought I would direct this one to you but of course any others are welcome to reply. As you already know we are going through alot with SS. My DH has a question. SS has his BM's maiden name at this point. Well we are getting alot of questions from SS and our other children about the diffrence in name and ect. Ok DH wants to know how hard would it be to get SS last name changed? SS has requested that he wants his dads name so he can have the same name as his brother and sister. Ok you let me know what you think of this.

[mango]

My SD had her fatehrs name. The parents were never married but chose to have her carry fathers last name. She is 10 now.

This past year the BM took father to court to have the name hyphenated with both names. He objected because he felt the hyphenated name would cause her problems, and she was too young to be dealing in such matters.

However he lost, and teh judge granted the BM teh name change. So now the child has a hypenated name. Which we know will lead to eventually dropping off fathers name.

Sad part is the BM is not married, and if she were to marry child will have a silly hyphenated name that matches no one.

My opinion, leave it alone. Let them choose when they are older.

[mango]

Also, the courts stated (past case precedent) that if both parents are providing for the child financially then both parents have the right to have their child carry their name.

They will rule this way in Franklin county Ohio courts due to this past case.

[Kitty C.]

Thanks for the clarification, mango and myangel...I had a feeling things could have changed, but I was going on what I last knew to be true.

And I agree with you 100% mango.........let it go.....then they become adults, they can do whatever they want.

My SIL's daughter from her first marriage, hates her dad, basically he considered CS only a 'bill', played favorites between her and her brother, and basically thumbed his nose at his kids.  He's still doing it to my nephew.  My nephew has a baby girl who's POS BM went PBFH on him, and is making it damn difficult for him to see her.  BUT his dad apparently sees her often and doesn't hesitate to tell his son about it.  heaven help the guy if we ever cross paths.......

That being said, my niece wanted to change her name to my brother's back in HS 10 years ago.  And my nephew, who has found a WONDERFUL lady, has a 4 month old baby boy, and plans to get married, has made it know that when they DO get married, he is taking HER name, instead of vise versa.

Names are a part of identity.  JMO, but screwing with a child's name messes with their identity and creates an atmosphere of insecurity.  Even our PBFH tried to mess with SS's (not legally, just with his head) , using her new DH's name as SS's last.  Apparently SS thought that since her name changed when she got married, his would to, and she NEVER corrected him!  When DH found out, he blew his stack and SS cried...she had screwed with it so much, he didn't know WHO he belonged to!

[Kitty C.]

Given what myangels said above, I would think that unless the BM agrees to it, he's SOL until he's 14.

Is DH's name on the BC?  That would help with the basis for reasoning.  But if he has to wait until he's 14, there's not a whole lot you can do about it.

But I bet there'd be a BIG party over your way about that time...you think????     ;-)

[stepmom74]

I agree that a child's name is a part of their identity.  Why is it then that so many mother's out there don't feel that a father that has a very active role in their child's life shouldn't have a say in the child's last name.  In my case, there was no reason other than spite that she didn't give her child her father's name.  She has her mother's maiden name and so basically she doesn't have either parents name.

I can perfectly understand why mother's do that if the father is a dead-beat but my husband was at the birth and has seen her every other weekend and holiday since she was born.  He has also never missed a child support payment.  He is on the birth certificate now so I see no reason why the courts wouldn't want her to have his name.

I just wish that some mother's would realize that when they marry or remarry that it will affect the child by not having a parent's name.  Kids have enough to deal with when it comes to ridicule in school.  Don't you think they get teased when they don't have either of their parent's names?

Just a vent....  I just don't think it's fair to kids who can't decide for themselves.

stepmom74

[Stepmom0418]

I agree with you!! My ss has his moms maiden name and wants to know why he cant have the same name as his dad and brother and sister! Its hard and it sucks! BM has even went as far as to tell SS that he could change his last name to her present boyfriends last name! Over my DH's dead body that will happen and thats a promise!!

I dont know what mothers are thinking by not giving their children their fathers name! I am a mother of 4 children and there is 2 fathers. Each of my children have their daddys last name! To me it is just the right thing to do!

[MyAngels4]

When I got remarried my boys both thought that they could change their names to my new name, but I had to explain that they wouldnt be doing it. My Dh adopted my oldest son since then, and my oldest son wanted his name to be changed to Jr, or III, so that is why my youngest still wants to change his name. His Dad would never allow it to happen, but I have about given up on explaining why he cant , and just tell him he can do what he wants when he is older. He is so funny tho, some days he says he wants to change it to names like "spiderman" or "Bat Man".
 
>I just wish that some mother's would realize that when they
>marry or remarry that it will affect the child by not having a
>parent's name.  Kids have enough to deal with when it comes to
>ridicule in school.  Don't you think they get teased when they
>don't have either of their parent's names?


Myangels4
 

[chipmunk226]

Yes, he does have visitation, and does see him regularly, but I think it is because I take him.  I live in MD and his father is in PA.  I think if he had to come pick him up, he would see him a lot less often.

 I just wanted to know because he know that Mommy and his "bonus" Daddy, have the same last name...and when we have children, so will they.  So he will be the only Smith in the Jones family.  I just think it would be easier on him growing up feeling like he is identifed as a Jones.  

Not that I would love him any different or it would make him less part of the family, but to everyone else, they may inadvertantly hurt him by assuming that he isn't mine, or part of the family because of a different last name.  Let's face it, most people are identified by their last name, and not their first.  We don't say President George do we?

~EvaCollette

[mango]

Personally, I think the kids should just accept what name was given at time of birth, and change at will later. I don't think it matters that much really. So many kids today have different last names then other kids at school. It's who they are inside and how they feel about the parents that matter.

[MyAngels4]

ITA

[txblonde]

You could have your husband adopt your child.  This would relieve the biofather of all child support obligation and he would lose all rights to the child.  If you and your husband divorce, your husband would be responsible for child support.  The adoption would give the child the name change you desire.

[joni]

Why are you creating this stigma?  The child is 5 years old.  If you maintain respect for your child's father and teach your child to be proud of this name....this should be a none issue.

The US is one of the only countries where the woman bears her husband's name as a standard....about 60% of relationships.  I kept my maiden name in marriage, I wanted to maintain my ethnicity and carry on my family name.  My son has his father's last name although I'm married to his father.

Kids ask lots of questions and have tons of insecurities, I think as parents, they turn to us to see how we react to situations and for strength.  If our reaction is that of respect and dignity, the opportunity for lack of esteem is all but eliminated.

Eva, I anticipate my son will NEVER be ashamed that I have a different last name than my son and his father.  Because I will teach him to not be ashamed.  You son is not alone with his last name, he shares that name with his father.  TEACH HIM to be proud of that.

God bless your child for having a bonus daddy who will be a big influence in his life.  That should be enough of an honor for his bonus daddy.  Changing your son's name, IMO, is just an ego trip.  It's also setting a precent for shame and disrespect  in your blended family.

[rini]

are staggering.

why change the boys name.  

i know that you probably dont want to think about it but now a days over 50% of marraiges end in divorce.  

the probability that you will remarry if your present marraige ends in divorce is another possibility.

my 5 year old knows her first last and middle name.  why would you bother to change a child that already has a memory of that name is a little mind boggling to me but this is just my opinion.

rini

[joni]

I went to a picnic this weekend.  Talked to a dozen different children, aged 6-12.  Ask them who their best friend was at school and asked them if they knew their best friends last name....only two children did.  

I asked those two children if they knew the last name of their best friend's parents and if their best friend's parents were divorced.  They shrugged their shoulders and said they didn't know.   One kid asked me why I was asking him stupid questions.....

[mango]

I agree 100%.

The parents need to just remind the child they were given the name at birth, be proud and let it be. If they want to change it later so be it.

[Wi-Mom]

I also agree with this.

My fiance's ex wife had a child shortly after they divorced. She gave her my fiance's last name which at the time was her married name. Now she's been married and divorced again, and is about to get married for the 3rd time, and her name is all over the place. In the meantime she has a daughter with her maiden name from when she was 16, two children that are my fiance's kids with his last name, and one that is not his child, he hardly even knows her.. with his last name.

 His ex wife has taken this child to Dr's with no insurance for her and tried to force my fiance to pay 1/2 the bill. The Dr's office sees that she has his last name and tries to go after him for the money. Thank god that his real children are listed in the divorce, but he has to go through all kinds of crap to prove she's not his every time she does this. The real father doesn't even know he has a kid, and she doesn't want him to because she doesn't want him to have visitation rights. Child support from Fiance has always been divided between her four kids.

People need to really put a lot of thought into what they name their children. Personally, I would give any child born out of wedlock the maiden name of the mother because she can always hyphenate that name, and if she divorces, that is the one name she can always go back to.