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Author Topic: Need some help on dealing with SD about her BM......  (Read 1983 times)

Droogle

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Need some help on dealing with SD about her BM......
« on: Aug 25, 2004, 03:00:11 PM »
Ok SD is 10yo.  She has lived with us full time since she was 4yo.  BM disappeared when SD was 5yo.  Last July Sd's older half sister on BM's side was killed.  We(Dh & I) took the stand to re-introduce SD to BM and her half siblings that she didn't know.  All was fine if DH was doing all of the work.  BM went poof again.  She showed up again last month and promised SD that she would stay around.  Saw her 2 weeks ago and she told SD she would see her in a few days.  We are still waiting.  We have told SD that BM has issues (being homeless, no money, no job) but also told SD that our job is to make sure she is healthy and happy.  Not sure what else to do.  Any ideas?  As it stands I have BM's food in my extra freezer and some of her stuff in my basement.  
I've lost my mind.  I think my kids have it.


nosonew

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RE: Need some help on dealing with SD about her BM......
« Reply #1 on: Aug 26, 2004, 07:07:00 AM »
Wow.  I would say you are doing all you can do to help ensure a relationship with the child and her mother.  If you push too much, sd is going to be hurt more...if you deny a relationship due to her in/out life, sd could resent you.As sd ages, she is going to make her own choices about her mother... I did that in 7th grade regarding my bio-dad...haven't seen him since and I am 39.  Just remember, some people were capable of producing children, but not raising them.  She and my bio-dad appear to fall in that category.  Quit making excuses for bm...she is a big girl now..and is making her own choices.  Your sd is very lucky to have you in her life! Just my opinion!

wendl

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RE: Need some help on dealing with SD about her BM......
« Reply #2 on: Aug 28, 2004, 10:18:51 AM »
I would have to agree with nosonew.

My son is 12 and has been dealing with an absent father all his life, he went 2yrs once without seeing/talking to our son. He now comes around when he gets kis flavor of the month.

My son hasn't seen his dad since 5/22 (and he lives with his sister 4 miles from our house) Our son has called his dad once since May to see if dad wanted to hang out, dad said he couldn't this week maybe next week and that he would call. hmmmm no call this weeek.

My son and I talk about this, our son loves his dad, however, he knows that he cannot count on his dad to be there etc (thankfully he has a great stepdad)

Anyways, I tell our son that his dad loves him, but sometime people don't know how to show their love the way we would like them too.

Our son basically gave up on  his father years ago, when I married my dh 2yrs ago, my son decided to use stepdads name and he thinks of stepdad as his dad.  Since my son is older, I explained to him that anyone can create a child man or woman, but it takes a special person to be a parents, (natural or step)

I explained how I can never change is dad, that maybe sometime later in life dad will realise what he has missed, and regardless how you (son) feels about dad he needs to respect him a an adult.

Children adapt pretty well for the most part, just let sd know you love her and her mom does too.

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

 

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