i went in that house last night. The landlord came over to get murderers cat, that assistant murdering mom gave me. I didn't want the animal...it, too, has suffered abuse and is VERY mean. I don't have the energy to "help" this cat. Anyway, he let me in because assistant murdering mom left on the 6 o'clock bus to Chicago.
pd. i think i'm mad enough to cause myself some form of stroke. my heart hurts. i'm serious....it literally aches right now. I can feel like this pain, this sharp ache.
When i was in there, I "felt" the baby. Sent goosebumps up and down my body. He's still there. I gathered up all his things, and each "item" of his I put in a bag, I said goodbye. When I was done with his things, I gathered up the 4 year olds things. Same thing...goodbye. Then, I was good and damned pissed. (left a few broken dishes over there, too...I needed to throw something) So, I went through the entire house, tossed out all the murderers things, tossed out all of assistant murdering moms personal things. Went through the kitchen, went through and packed up everything. My front yard looks like a yard sale right now...I got all the "good" things out and am calling ARC today to ask that they pick it up. I'm partial to ARC as my little brother is severly mentally retarded.
My landlord said he would throw everything away when "he" goes through...and he knew "I" would find a better place for these childrens things. Lucky me! Not.
I thought I was mad before this. Now I'm even more angry. She left all her childrens things. She just left them all over the house. Looks like she didn't even "bother" to bring her deceased childs "precious" things with her. Maybe that's what mothers do when their child is brutally murdered...I don't know.
I decided to keep 2 things...don't know what to do with them, I just couldn't let them go. A baby blanket with a duck popping out of an egg. I remember seeing this covering him as assistant murdering mom had him in the stroller. (when she "used" to walk with the kids before she met murderer) I don't know why she didn't bring that with her...it's obviously something special to him. I also kept a can of these viena sausages. I remember seeing him munch on those. I'll keep them somewhere.
pd....i learned yesterday his injuries. The fatal ones and prior ones. I won't go into detail...the only thing I will say is the coroner believes there are numerous cigar burns on that babys feet...and that they're approximately 2 weeks old and not taken care of. And mark my words...if she isn't extradited back to Colorado and charged also with child abuse resulting in death...well, let's just say...ya ain't seen shit yet. I've been tossed in the middle of this mess...and since I'm involved, I will not only see it through, but I'll make DAMNED sure BOTH of these murderers are behind bars for a long time. By any means necessary...she will go down as well.
I tried to drink last night, but it didn't work. I took a sip of wine but it just didn't "cut" it. So, I guess I'm just going to be left with those nightmares, the anger, my testimony. I "do" hug my kids more often now...I "do" try to be a better mom...i guess right now I'm just too f*cking angry for words.
My biggest "need" right now? For someone to take my pain, my suffering, my anger...and transfer it to assistant murdering mom...I'll GLADLY take whatever she's feeling if it rids me of what I'm going through. The woman hasn't cried.