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Author Topic: How can we get BM to support children's activities?  (Read 7566 times)


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RE: Court is on your side...
« Reply #20 on: May 18, 2006, 11:04:50 AM »
I wouldn't necessarily say the court is on "your" side.  We have had the same issues w/ BM, but in our case she was signing SK's up for sports and we wouldn't know until we were headed down to pick them up (100 miles away).  So, for us to have them attend their games, we would have to either give up a weekend (or try to trade, but was difficult since they would have games EVERY weekend) or for us to stay in their town and take them to their games.  It has not been easy.  We have gone rounds w/ BM, who has actually withheld our time w/ the boys because she "didn't think we would take them."  (That hasn't happened since the Parenting Plan was set.)  BM has primary custody, so it was a huge issue because she thought that allowed her to call all the shots.  When we were in the midst of making our parenting plan 2 yrs ago, this was a huge issue that stood in our way.  BM wanted it stated that we MUST take them to their games if they fell on our weekend.  Fortunately, we care about the boys and their commitments to their games, and were able to show how the boys missed minimal games because of us (maybe 1 or 2 in a season.)  But our lawyer expressed to the judge how we do try to get them there, but sometimes we have family events and such that they should not miss out on.

So, in our case the judge ordered the following:
"Each parent should act reasonably in registering the children for activites keeping in mind that neither parent should be entitled to schedule activites for the children which will take place during the other parent's time w/ the children.  On the other hand, there are natural activites which occur (such as school athletic, and other programs) that by their very nature, take place on the other parent's weekend.

"Although neither parent should be required to take a child to any activity, each parent should be encouraged to use his or her best effort to keep the children involved in athletic events, school functions, lessons, birthday parties of playmates, etc., even though those activities may fall during a visitation period.  To do otherwise would deprive the children of valuable growing activities."

So, that's what our plan says.  It gives DH as much right to do something else w/ the kids as BM has.  I think that is the fair thing to do.  Sports are important, but so are family events.  The judge's position was that it would be just as detrimental, if not more, for the kids to miss family functions to attend games.

In our case, it wasn't the boys who were into the sports.  It was their mom.  She put them in a new sport every season, all year long.  Don't get me wrong, the boys have enjoyed playing, but their mom's pushing them to do each and every sport is turning them off of sports.  For the first time since they started playing sports when they were in T-Ball, they refused to play Spring Baseball.  They finally got the courage to tell her that... well, they told us first and we talked about it with her and she had to bring it up w/ them.  So, now they are starting to assert their opinions on which sports they want to participate in.  


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RE: What suggestions does she have for compromising?
« Reply #21 on: May 19, 2006, 04:45:18 AM »
You have my sympathies. We deal with a very similar situation.


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