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Author Topic: a big mess  (Read 1212 times)


  • Guest
a big mess
« on: Jun 21, 2004, 04:01:51 PM »
I'm writing to see if you can possibly give me some advice.  My boyfriend has a daughter, soon to be 3, with a woman he is legally separated from (about 2 years now).  He bought a house in December and made an agreement with his ex where she could live at the home so they would both be around the child and to save them both money and such.  Of course that arrangement didn't end up working out and he asked her to leave about 2 months ago.  Since then he and I started a relationship and since she's found out she's been using his daughter to punish him.  
For about a month she still had keys to his house where she'd come during the day and get a load of her things while no one was in the home.  Apparently on one of these trips she went around his house and took photographs of empty beer cans and we found some cans placed next to the car seat in his truck, which she planted and then, I'm sure, photographed as well.  She then told him that she'd taken photos of his house and also that she had found drugs in his room, which she said she took to the police who by looking at it said it was crystal meth and that they couldn't finger print the container since she'd held it.  She claimed the "so called drugs" were mine and that his daughter was not allowed at his home anymore due to the advice of the police.  I went and got myself drug tested so we have documentation that shows I don't do drugs.  Neither of us have ever seen this container that was taken from his home, nor seen any paper work saying the police have seen it or any papers stating his child cannot be in his home.
Since this happened she's allowed him only supervised visits (by herself) of his daughter, once a week for a couple hours if he's lucky.
Last Monday he and I went out for a drink and the next day he received a phone call from her telling him she knew the bar we'd been at, which most likely means she followed us.  Tuesday we came to his house to find his door wide open and a bottle of wine sitting on the stairs, someone had been in his home.
Basically now he's scared to death.  He doesn't know what she's done in his home, what she may have planted and photographed or what could be in his home now without his knowledge.  He hasn't talked to a lawyer, which everyone has advised him to, because he doesn't have the money and is afraid she's done so much against him he will lose anyway.  

Since she done nothing through the courts is he still entitled to see his daughter, can he pick her up from pre-school like they arranged in the schools documents or do you think that would just cause more chaos?

We really don't know what to do.  Any advice is appreciated.  Thanks.


  • Guest
RE: a big mess
« Reply #1 on: Jun 21, 2004, 10:00:52 PM »
First advise,

Change the damn locks. Why on earth he didnt do this the MOMENT she moved out is beyond me.

Next: If he upcoming litigation concerning his daughter, YOU and HE go do drug tests . STOP drinking and for crying out loud,, why would either of you leave beer cans in the home that you BOTH know his ex has keys for????

Tips For Getting Started

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One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.


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RE: a big mess
« Reply #2 on: Jun 22, 2004, 01:18:46 AM »
Another thought, save that receipt on the locks. It will prove she had access to do her dirty deeds. If she is still receiving mail there or you have some old mail around with her name on it and his address, it will help verify she lived there and had a key.

On the drug test, check into doing the hair test. It will clearly show no drugs for quite a time back.

If there is a court order pertaining to his visitation, follow it. If she denies, FILE CONTEMPT.

Good luck!


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RE: a big mess
« Reply #3 on: Jun 22, 2004, 06:09:22 AM »
If the house is in his name only....call the cops EVERYTIME it looks like there has been a break-in.  If her name is on the house, file a TRO as she is hapassing, etc.  Get it done NOW!


  • Guest
RE: a big mess
« Reply #4 on: Jun 22, 2004, 09:45:59 AM »
We did change the locks.  Somehow she's still getting in.  I don't know where you keep your recycling but I wasn't aware it was something we had to hide.


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