I am so sorry for the loss. It is so hard to take and think that you can go on. This first while is going to be especially hard since as you said,
BM feels the courts are on her side. If she is anything like my
DH's ex, she will make life so hard and contact with his DD will be so strained. He needs to press on though for his DD's sake. That is the only advice I can give to you guys. Just call and call and call. Send her letters, cards, little care packages so that she knows you guys are thinking of her. Hopefully BM won't interfere w/ her mail.
We have been living with our loss in court for 2 1/2 yrs, and it still stings. It has lessened, thank goodness. But we have had to fight for our rights every step of the way. When BM won, she acted so holier than thou. And even told me that she is "the one with control, and she decided when and if dad can see his boys." We have a pretty tight
parenting plan now, so there is pretty much no room for argument anymore. She has relaxed a bit, and even allows the boys to come visit at times when it's not our weekend. But, then agian... the boys are 11 and almost 10, so they will say, "hey mom.. we want to go to dad's for this weekend because this or that is happening." How can she refuse things to them that are important, KWIM? Hopefully, in your situation, the BM will come to that realization. I didn't think it would ever happen in our situation, but it has.... so there must be some hope!!! (because, BM is evil IMO.)