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Author Topic: What do I say  (Read 7967 times)

kiddosmom

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OH and...
« Reply #20 on: Feb 21, 2004, 02:48:58 PM »
'Daddy's helper' is a term that has always been for a child who helps his/her father.
Not a legalized WIFE.
If the child wants to call the stepmother - mom- then let him, you can explain in whispers to others that technically you are his step. as he grows if he wants to call the step by another name then encourage it, my sd is almost 2, she calls me mom. I do not punish her in this, and as she grows she can decide what she wants to call me, I tell her ' you get to go see your mommmy today' ect.. she will grow to understand the difference.


Peanutsdad

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Davy ,Davy, Davy
« Reply #21 on: Feb 21, 2004, 04:38:52 PM »
You BAD little MONKEY!! did you get out of your cage again??

Sigh,, been spittin your meds into the toilet again I see.

MYSONSDAD

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Let's not forget why we are here
« Reply #22 on: Feb 21, 2004, 05:54:36 PM »
I really don't want to get in the middle of this. I have been on the boards for about a year and a half. Whenever I have posted a problem, I get sincere, helpful suggestions. This is what we all need to get thru this hell we face daily.

There are good days and there are bad. We each live them the best we can and we come here because it is a place where we all understand. The stress can sometimes be unbelievable.

Everyone has a different opinion and different suggestions to the folks that come and post. So many great ideas, it is mind boggling! I have learned more here then from my attorney. Now that I have been around, it's great to be able to contribute.

The point is, we are here to help eachother and in turn it helps our kids.
We all have the same goals. The same dreams. We can accomplish more with a group effort then an attack.

So, in closing, I wish to Thank each and every one who has helped me along the way. May God Bless all of us...

Leafypoint

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RE: What do I say
« Reply #23 on: Feb 22, 2004, 06:09:02 PM »
Well...now that all that is out of the way, I'll share my experience being a step-mother.
I married my husband three years ago, and it took two years for my step-son to even mumble the words "step-mom". I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that, given the situation, he thought that if he called me "mom" in any fashion that I would replace his mother. From my perspective, that wasn't the case at all, so I didn't push it. I was "Michele"  to him and "his Dad's wife" to anyone who inquired, and that was fine with me and I believe that it reassurred him that I wasn't there to replace his mother.
See, when you're four (which my step-son was when I came into his life) or five and you're thrust in the middle of their divorce, calling anyone "mom", no matter if there's a "step" in front of it or a name behind it is probably threatening, and to push the issue on him right now might be more of a detriment to your relationship later on down the line. Let him start to trust the situation he's in, and to trust the relationship between you two. Give him your reassurance that you aren't there to replace his "real" mom.
I can guarentee you that he's not asking you to do this because he hates you, or is trying some kind of emotional blackmail. He's just letting you know that he's uncertain about the relationship between his mother and himself, and he wants to make sure that she stays an important figure in his life. He's already lost a lot of time with her, and he's probably scared that he's going to lose her entirely. You have to remember that your step-son is in an entirely new, scary, confusing situation. He doesn't understand why his mother isn't living with him all the time any longer, or why he isn't seeing his dad the way he did before.
Once he realizes that you aren't there to REPLACE his mother, but you're there to provide ADDITIONAL emotional, mental and physical support, he'll trust your position in his life, and might be able to come to accept the fact that he has a "bonus" mom ;)
Believe me, it's worth the wait. It took two long years, but to hear my step-son voluntarily call me his step-mom when people ask is pretty special to me.

FLMom

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RE: What do I say
« Reply #24 on: Feb 25, 2004, 11:54:31 AM »
I'm a NCP currently in court seeking CP.

Here's how this got dealt with in our "family".

One errant Saturday morning I had to work a few hours. My
then boyfriend, now husband, took the kids out to a breakfast
bar. "Bob" was helping my son fix his plate----making sure there
were eggs and fruit included instead of all French toast sticks.
I'm sure you know how it is.

An older gentleman was watching this going on, and with a smile
said, "Isn't this nice---going to a nice breakfast with your father."
My son whipped his head around, obviously in retrospect looking
for his father. He then realized what the man meant, and said,
"OH! Him? That's just Bob."

So he's been "just Bob" going on three years now. Not Dad, not
step-dad, just "Bob". Even "Just Bob" somtimes.

Sometimes it takes a child to show the grownups the way.


FLMom


 

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