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Author Topic: Getting baby used to dad - Need help!  (Read 23100 times)

joni

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RE: My thoughts . . .
« Reply #20 on: Sep 22, 2004, 08:20:51 AM »
Good advice Hagatha, although I'm sure it won't be followed because it's not what Rain wants to hear.  IMO, this is exactly what Rain needs to do.  But it won't happen and this dad needs a court order to get Rain to enable him to have a relationship with his daughter without her sabotage and interference.  

I think about this dad....and this happens to many noncustodial dads/mom in many forms by custodial moms/dads, they make it SO DIFFICULT for the noncustodial parent to participate in their childrens' life, they become disenchanted and discouraged.  Ergo....this particular dads inconsistency in visitations.  One gets tired of constantly fighting for the simple right to be in their child's life.  I wouldn't be surprised if this dad gave up altogether.

This is a form of PAS.  This is a form of denial of visitation.  This is maternal entitlement and gatekeeping.  

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.......



piXi

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this is an 8 month baby!
« Reply #21 on: Sep 24, 2004, 12:05:11 PM »
not a toddler or an older child.
her ability to understand even the basics of her situation are limited.
I think the father needs to spend time with the child in the childs environment until she feels comfortable and familar with him.


piXi

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baby steps first
« Reply #22 on: Sep 24, 2004, 12:09:59 PM »
perhaps the mother and father could take the  baby to the park and practise tiny separations.

He could walk with her down the path and then then bring her back.

It seems to me if the baby is feeling insecure it isnt possible to make her feel secure by increasing the sitautions that made her so in the beginning.

She has to learn to feel secure with  her father and the easiest way for that to happen is inthe comapny of her mother.

As an aside, I do not believe an  8 month old  child is manipulative.

piXi

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why would it not be a problem
« Reply #23 on: Sep 24, 2004, 12:12:34 PM »
its a situation that causes her pain.

Its not a bad thing to have issues, not a bad thing to  feel pain - its how we grow through these situations and what we learn from them.

It seems to me she is trying her best to learn how to deal with her pain and do the best for her daughter.

piXi

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beautiful ideas!
« Reply #24 on: Sep 24, 2004, 12:13:54 PM »
maybe also make a little album of photos of her with her father so she can see him everyday.


piXi

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the needs of a 4 year old are very differnt from that of a baby
« Reply #25 on: Sep 24, 2004, 12:16:17 PM »
at 4 a child is beginning to be able to deal with these issues but at 8 months not at all.

piXi

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I think they just need to get to know each other
« Reply #26 on: Sep 24, 2004, 12:17:44 PM »
the baby is not yet comfortable with her father and needs time to grow into that relationship.

It seems to me the mother is trying to help that process.

piXi

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lets think about what a baby might want
« Reply #27 on: Sep 24, 2004, 12:19:53 PM »
to be fed
to be loved and held
to feel comfortable and safe
to be with the people she knows and loves

to  make these wants known in the only ways she can is to be manipulative?

piXi

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I think you are doing well
« Reply #28 on: Sep 24, 2004, 12:21:58 PM »
I think separating mothers and babies at this young age is very difficult emtionally and it seems to me you treat your baby's relationship with her father most seriously

RainGirl

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RE: Little comment
« Reply #29 on: Sep 24, 2004, 06:24:38 PM »
I did have issues with him bringing her along, but not because of who she was.  I would have had just as much of an issue if he had brought along one of his male friends.  He seems very interested in showing her off and getting all the oohs and aahs that come with a cute little one, but repeatedly failed to show at times when it was just boring old bonding.  He was rushing taking her on his own so he could show her off and do what he wanted, but continued to not do what she needed to be comfortable with him doing so.  He finally did show up at the agreed time to visit with her, but I had the feeling that it was more to show her off than to do what was good for her.  If anything, I'd think it would be harder to get to know a child with even more strangers thrown into the mix.  End result, the gf was a plus for him, but I think it was a bit self serving and possibly worked against what dd needs.

 

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