visitation modification help (long message)

[MonkeyBoy]

My ex-wife and I separated while I was in grad school in Fairbanks, Alaska. After several months she moved down to Anchorage with my two children. After I had finished school and accepted a temporary job in Indiana, our dissolution was finalized a few months later. The dissolution included provisions for summer visitations and alternate Christmas holidays, stipulating that the travel costs would be split evenly between us, given that our incomes were roughly equal. After my temporary appointment at the university ended, the only position available to me was a 3-year research fellowship in the UK. My new wife and I made teh decision to move to the UK last July, and infomed my ex-wife of this in the first part of August. We left the US in early September.

In February, I initiated discussions with my ex about the upcoming summer visitation. We didn't have the kids this Christmas, so this would be the first trip for the kids to the UK. As is typically the case, my ex made all sorts of excuses as to why she needed to wait a week or two before finalizing any plans. About a month went by, with periodic queries from me as to her readiness to book the kids flights. She always claimed to be waiting to talk to a travel agent, or to hear something back from a travel agent...basic procrastination.

At the end of March, shortly before I left to do field work in South America for three weeks, my ex e-mailed to ask me to consider having a longer summer visit and to forego this year's holiday visit. She said that the cost and length of journey made a short holiday visit difficult both for her and the children. She also said, though, that if we we were planning to come back to the US for the holidays, that she was willing to work out a holiday visit. I responded saying that in fact, we were planning to be in the US for the holidays, so I would prefer to leave the schedule as it is. I also told her of my impending trip to Argentina and asked my ex-wife to please cooperate with my wife on making arrangements, noting that airfares are only increasing as the travel dates approach.

After I had been away for about a week, I got an urgent e-mail from my new wife saying I had received a notice from an Anchorage attorney on behalf of my ex (this is the first appearance of lawyers in my dealings with my ex). She was filing a motion to modify our visitation, such that holiday visits be eliminated permanently, summer visitations be a fixed 8 weeks, and (this is the real killer) that she should only have to pay a maximum of $900 toward the total airfare - that's including her own ticket to bring the kids over as well as the cost for the two children. In addition, she asked that I pay for half of any hotel and local transportation costs she incurrs when travelling with the children. There was, of course, no reciprocal offer to help with my hotel/transport expenses in Anchorage.  

Naturally, I opposed this motion, and retained an attorney to represent me. My arguments against the modification were a) neither she nor I have had a significant change in income - we both earn almost exactly the same amount of money - so there has been no material change in circumstance to justify a modification; and b) if I am burdened with the entire cost of travel less $900 I won't be able to afford to have my children visit - this is hardly in the children's best interest to be further alienated from me. Her motion made no attempt to demonstrate either point (material change in circumstance, children's best interest). About a week after my opposition was filed, I received a fax from my lawyer. It was the judge's order; he had just signed off on the proposed motion my ex submitted, essentially granting her everything she asked for, except he wrote in that if I was in the US over the holidays, I could have my winter visitation as scheduled.

My ex is very cavalier about her responsibility to have the children call me as specified in our original custody agreement, and rarely offers any information regarding their schooling or health (unless she wants money for a doctor's bill). This is just one more example of her attempts to sabotage my relationship with my children.

My children and I have a good relationship (as good as can be expected under the circumstances, anyway). They have been looking forward to coming here for months. My wife and I have a 2-year old daughter and are expecting a new baby, and the older kids are looking forward to seeing their little sister and new brother. I feel like my rights as a parent have been violated. I have filed a motion for reconsideration, since in my ex's reply to my opposition (which I didn't see until after the ruling was made) she erroneously stated that I earn far more than I actually do, having misunderstood my statements about my income in my opposition. She also misrepresented the costs of travel she incurred to bring the kids to Indiana (which was the basis of her $900 figure). Anyway, I am not too optimistic about the chances of a favorable reconsideration, and was wondering if anyone had experience with appeals in cases like this? The Alaska state supreme court has consistently either reversed or remanded rulings on custody modification when an opposed motion was granted without a hearing. While the issue of expenses falls under child support laws, the change to the visitation schedule is controlled by custody statutes, and thus requires a hearing. However, I thought the original motion was so ridiculous that no rational judge would find in her favor. I would like to have actual justice, but don't want to lose a lot more money if I am likely to be victimized again by the court on an appeal.

Anyway, thanks for any advice...

[genuwine]

I have to say that after reading your post and although I cannot give any advice, it has made an apparent point clear to me, when we refile our petition modification as we are relocating 3500 mile from the chile, I will make sure it is in the filed papers that visit cost be shared and flight arrangementsa between parties be completed by a specific dat.

[LizaLou1]

You can appeal.  Why was there no hearing?  What is your attorney saying?  If your current attorney is not fighting for you, you should consider getting another.  Don't delay.  Time is your enemy.  Generally, you only have 30 days to appeal or whatever.

Best of Luck
LizaLou

[rebecca]

It seems crazy to me that you could move out of the Country and your ex-wife would be forced to pay the additional travel costs for the visits.  I agree that this fact should not change the custody arrangement, but I do think that the additional travel costs should be picked up by you.  Not the lodging and ticket for her.  You shouldn't have to pay for her vacation, but the childrens extra cost should be picked up by you.  If I were in this situation, I would have to declare bankruptcy or something because I can't even afford a ticket to New Mexico from California to visit my sister (with free lodging and car) let alone 2 tickets to UK.