Messages

 b/c you've already
>established the status quo that you CAN have overnights
>(assuming that's what you meant by having her every Mon/Tues),


Actually I have not had her overnight yet.  I usually pick her up mon and tues morning around 7:30 and drop her off around 7:30 at night.  BM only withheld her one week.  She let me take my baby this past week and now wants to discuss an arrangement.   She doesn't have money for a lawyer and she does not want to borrow it from her family.   I don't want to cause trouble for her and her family but she has said that if I ask for joint physical she will hire an attorney to fight it.  After reading some of the responses here however I am even more convinced that what I need is joint legal and joint physical now while my baby is still young.  I truly believe it would be the best thing for my child.  I am considering a compromise with her that I will only ask for the 2 days a week I already see my girl until she reaches a certain age if she doesn't fight joint physical.  I need to figure out a way to explain this to her so that she will understand that this is going to be benificial to our child.  Any suggestions on what to tell her so that she goes for joint physical?  I think she just doesn't want to be without her baby at all  and that may be why she wants to fight it.  (She isn't a very good communicator so it has been hard to understand her feelings on this.)

What is the difference between having joint legal custody with parenting time and joint physical custody?  I originally thought I would ask for joint legal custody and two days a week visitation but then decided to go for joint physical as well as joint legal.  I thought that joint physical meant 50/50 but have since discovered that there can be unequal parenting time in a joint physical agreement.  So what exactly does having joint physical mean?  What are the advantages or disadvantages?  Thanks.

>A status quo has already been set. And the status quo shows
>that the mother is the primary caretaker.  

Im not  sure what your point is.

>And an agreement that has more time built in as the child gets
>older

CAn I have joint physical custody with an agreement that as the child gets to a predetermined age the move to 50/50 is completed?  It almost seems like that would be harder on an older child than on a baby.  

>and better able to handle the back and forth between 2
>homes is legally binding.

What do you mean by better able to handle the back and forth?  I have been hearing things like "the baby is too young for joint physical" and "it would be too traumatic for the baby to spend 50% with the father" and "maybe when the baby is older and better able to handle it"   What studies are the people saying these things referencing?  I don't want to do anything that would harm my daughter but I just don't see how spending half of her time with me would do that.  

>You ALWAYS can make a case. It's just a little harder at a
>very young age to go for joint physical (especially in some
>jurisdictions).

To quote the guy from the direct tv commercial "so your saying there IS a chance!"  

 But with that young a child, you
>definitely want a good attorney.

Well I already have an attorney.  I think he is good but I wouldn't know how to tell anyway.

>The first thing that you need to do is establilsh paternity.

I have filed a paternity complaint.  In the complaing I am also asking for joint legal and physical custody.

>Your distance is also going to play a factor.

I live only a few miles away.  Maybe 10-15minutes.

>Now if you live in the same town and same school district, you
>have a very good case for when the infant is older for joint
>physical.  

what do you mean when the infant is older?  Are you saying I don't have a case at this age?

I have a 3 month old daughter. Her mother and I are not married. I hired a lawyer and am asking for joint physical custody. She was served on wednesday and has stopped allowing me to see my daughter. I have had my daughter every monday and tuesday since she was born. I really want joint physical. Does anyone have any tips or insight on what I can do to help get this? I understand that the courts are biased against fathers here and I need any help that I can get. Thanks. I am in Arizona if thats important.

 
>It's going to depend on the state. Some states are more likely
>to award joint legal and physical custody than others.
>
>I'd be shooting for joint legal from the start and shared
>physical. The parenting plan should include frequent shorter
>visits while the baby is very young, with the length of the
>visits increasing (and the frequency declining) as she gets
>older. The target should be 50:50 with every other week
>alternation by the time the child is about 8. While few
>parenting plans are written that way, I think they should be.
>What's best for an infant isn't what's best for a teenager.
>
>In any event, you do need to establish paternity and file for
>joint custody in order to get any rights at all. See an
>attorney ASAP. The longer you let it slide, the less likely
>you are to get what you want.

I signed the birth certificate.  That should be enough for paternity I believe but you suggest that the best course would be to find an attorney?  Are there state agencies to help with constructing a parenting plan or do I really need an attorney?  How would I go about finding a good one?
Thanks for helping.

I had a daughter on April 6th with my exgirlfriend.   I was hoping we would be able to communicate and be able to raise our daughter together even though we are apart.  I now believe that we need a more structured arrangement and I want to create some sort of legal custody arrangement with her.  I at first assumed since she was the mother she would automatically get the baby and I would be the one visiting.  After thinking about it I am not so sure that she would actually be the best choice between the two of us as the custodial parent.  I am wondering how to go about arranging a custody agreement.  I would like the baby to live with me but I am sure she wont like that.  What sort of direction do I need to go in?  I live in Arizona and am basically clueless about all this.  Any advice would be appreciated.