Joint physical custody

[Che]

I have a 3 month old daughter. Her mother and I are not married. I hired a lawyer and am asking for joint physical custody. She was served on wednesday and has stopped allowing me to see my daughter. I have had my daughter every monday and tuesday since she was born. I really want joint physical. Does anyone have any tips or insight on what I can do to help get this? I understand that the courts are biased against fathers here and I need any help that I can get. Thanks. I am in Arizona if thats important.

[Jade]

>I have a 3 month old daughter. Her mother and I are not
>married. I hired a lawyer and am asking for joint physical
>custody. She was served on wednesday and has stopped allowing
>me to see my daughter. I have had my daughter every monday and
>tuesday since she was born. I really want joint physical. Does
>anyone have any tips or insight on what I can do to help get
>this? I understand that the courts are biased against fathers
>here and I need any help that I can get. Thanks. I am in
>Arizona if thats important.


The first thing that you need to do is establilsh paternity.  

And come up with a plan that involves frequent contact with both parents and one where most nights are spent at just one home.  Babies that young need continuity.  Not being ushered back and forth from one home to the other.  

Your distance is also going to play a factor.  If you live 40 miles away, you can forget about joint physical at any age.  That is simply too far.  

Now if you live in the same town and same school district, you have a very good case for when the infant is older for joint physical.  

But there isn't anything that you can do until paternity is established through the courts.  

[Che]

>The first thing that you need to do is establilsh paternity.

I have filed a paternity complaint.  In the complaing I am also asking for joint legal and physical custody.

>Your distance is also going to play a factor.

I live only a few miles away.  Maybe 10-15minutes.

>Now if you live in the same town and same school district, you
>have a very good case for when the infant is older for joint
>physical.  

what do you mean when the infant is older?  Are you saying I don't have a case at this age?

[mistoffolees]

>
>
>>The first thing that you need to do is establilsh paternity.
>
>
>I have filed a paternity complaint.  In the complaing I am
>also asking for joint legal and physical custody.
>
>>Your distance is also going to play a factor.
>
>I live only a few miles away.  Maybe 10-15minutes.
>
>>Now if you live in the same town and same school district,
>you
>>have a very good case for when the infant is older for joint
>>physical.  
>
>what do you mean when the infant is older?  Are you saying I
>don't have a case at this age?
>


You ALWAYS can make a case. It's just a little harder at a very young age to go for joint physical (especially in some jurisdictions).

See what your attorney says, but there's nothing preventing you from asking for joint physical, but not starting at 50:50. Perhaps you start with a relatively small number of overnights and the number increases as the child gets older - eventually moving toward 50:50. But with that young a child, you definitely want a good attorney.

[Che]

>You ALWAYS can make a case. It's just a little harder at a
>very young age to go for joint physical (especially in some
>jurisdictions).

To quote the guy from the direct tv commercial "so your saying there IS a chance!"  

 But with that young a child, you
>definitely want a good attorney.

Well I already have an attorney.  I think he is good but I wouldn't know how to tell anyway.

[knoot7]

OK -  I personally would NOT limit myself and options by not requesting for joint physical and legal custody NOW! It is so hard to change the status, obtaining joint after the fact. EVEYONE here will tell you that much - even the one's who have already responded!  

Plain and simple, when filing request for joint physical and legal. There is absolutely NO reason why you should NOT ask for that. Your child is young. Your child WILL adjust! You have seen her every Monday and Tuesday and it was working perfectly until ex started to use her as a pawn and denying visitation because you want it official! Keep doing what you are doing. GO FOR WHAT YOU WANT!

When a child grows up and they are only aware of being at Mom's house Monday Tuesday, Being at Dad's house Wednesday, Tursday and alternating weekends...the kid will NEVER know anything different! The child will adjust just fine and NOT be terribly affected as some may make it out to be!  They actually know what to expect. They will learn the schedule and the days of the week  and learning the calendar is easier as they get older. I speak from complete experience! The every other weekend thing is not appropriate for any kid (esepcially younger ones) and certainly not enough time for a child to know the parent for the weekends only - especially while young! Keep your time Monday and Tuesday, then add in alternating weekends. Making the time exactly 50/50! This is completely acceptable, a child can flurish, and both parents can be involved with school work, weekends , and will not limit time because they are "too young".  If this is all the child knows - this is their life and this become VERY normal for a child!

The holidays time should be spelled out NOW as well. Specifics are important!   Address these items now, so as baby grows so it will hopefully not have to be addressed again! Schooling and school vacations do not have to be spelled out and fought over if you follow the weekly suggestions...you both get the time. If a family vacation comes up, just state you will work to ensure the other parent does not loose parenting time!

Holiday suggestions that have worked well for my family. Christmas eve at my family's house, Christmas eve night dropped off to spend Xmas morning with other parent. 11/12pm Xmas day pick up to spend with  parent who got Xmas eve dinner time. Thanksgiving, one get the morning, one gets afternoon - if location allows! Families do not mind changing dinner times to be at 12 or at 4 to allow for all memebrs to join!


It is so much more difficult to get more time once an order has been deemed official. Even if it spells out as the child gets older time increases... it is not necessary to do that!

[Jade]

>OK -  I personally would NOT limit myself and options by not
>requesting for joint physical and legal custody NOW! It is so
>hard to change the status, obtaining joint after the fact.
>EVEYONE here will tell you that much - even the one's who have
>already responded!  
>
>Plain and simple, when filing request for joint physical and
>legal. There is absolutely NO reason why you should NOT ask
>for that. Your child is young. Your child WILL adjust! You
>have seen her every Monday and Tuesday and it was working
>perfectly until ex started to use her as a pawn and denying
>visitation because you want it official! Keep doing what you
>are doing. GO FOR WHAT YOU WANT!
>

A status quo has already been set. And the status quo shows that the mother is the primary caretaker.  

And an agreement that has more time built in as the child gets older and better able to handle the back and forth between 2 homes is legally binding.

[Che]

>A status quo has already been set. And the status quo shows
>that the mother is the primary caretaker.  

Im not  sure what your point is.

>And an agreement that has more time built in as the child gets
>older

CAn I have joint physical custody with an agreement that as the child gets to a predetermined age the move to 50/50 is completed?  It almost seems like that would be harder on an older child than on a baby.  

>and better able to handle the back and forth between 2
>homes is legally binding.

What do you mean by better able to handle the back and forth?  I have been hearing things like "the baby is too young for joint physical" and "it would be too traumatic for the baby to spend 50% with the father" and "maybe when the baby is older and better able to handle it"   What studies are the people saying these things referencing?  I don't want to do anything that would harm my daughter but I just don't see how spending half of her time with me would do that.  

[mistoffolees]

>
>>A status quo has already been set. And the status quo shows
>>that the mother is the primary caretaker.  
>
>Im not  sure what your point is.

The court is always going to lean toward the current situation as long as it's working. Your current situation is that the mother has physical custody, so you're going to have to work to counter that presumption.

>
>>And an agreement that has more time built in as the child
>gets
>>older
>
>CAn I have joint physical custody with an agreement that as
>the child gets to a predetermined age the move to 50/50 is
>completed?  It almost seems like that would be harder on an
>older child than on a baby.  

Yes. That is what Jade just said.

>
>>and better able to handle the back and forth between 2
>>homes is legally binding.
>
>What do you mean by better able to handle the back and forth?
>I have been hearing things like "the baby is too young for
>joint physical" and "it would be too traumatic for the baby to
>spend 50% with the father" and "maybe when the baby is older
>and better able to handle it"   What studies are the people
>saying these things referencing?  I don't want to do anything
>that would harm my daughter but I just don't see how spending
>half of her time with me would do that.  

Do a Google search or read the articles on this site (there are hundreds of articles on all elements of child rearing).

I don't know if that statement is a bias or based on facts, but you're going to have to do some research to find out. Since the child is currently in the mother's custody and since there's a bias for very young children to have a single primary caregiver (typically the mother), you have to provide some strong reasons to counter that. Do your homework.

I suspect (but this is not a legal opinion - see your lawyer) that Jade is correct. I doubt if you're going to be able to get 50:50 at this time. Rather, I would go for fairly liberal visitation (perhaps in short stretches - an hour or two a day is probably better than all day once a week at this age) now, with the amount of time increasing as the child ages. Overnights would be fairly infrequent early on, but could go to 50:50 as the child reaches school age (providing, of course, that the logistics work out - particularly that you're both living close enough to the child's school for this to work).

[knoot7]

Che-

Just to let you know, from real life experience, if a child doesn't know anything different and the child has spent 50:50 physical, they are not adversly effected. I have witnessed by two different children, one being my SS and one my nephew. My nephew knows nothing different and my SS doesn't remember anything so he is also indifferent to how "hard" life is living in two different homes!

My SS was 1 when his mother ditched him. Came back when he was 2 and has been 50:50 every since as my DH believes it is VERY important for a child to spend that 50:50 physical. Both children are A students now. Both children get two households of stuff, both chilren get two parents who adore them and some, like my SS has the opportunity for a Step parent to love them,  who cares for him as if he was her own, both parents are able to watch them grow up insetad of being on the sideline.  Both children get to live two different households and have two different rules, if that is the case. The child will learn the households, the child will adjust just fine. Both parent get to participate in the childs life completely instead of seeing them every other week. My brother has son 3 days one week 4 days the next week. It works well. Myself - I have my SS 5 days one week and then 2 days the next week. You are NOT far from these types of schedules being you already had her 2 days EVERY WEEK (for those that missed that fact) that is until you served to make an official schedule and your ex made your daughter a pawn.

BTW - in SS and nephews situations both homes are VERY different, different life styles, different parenting, different foods, different rules, but it certainly makes a very well rounded educated child who has the ability to understand and learrn and know what and how to handle themselves in different life situations and experience the many ways life can change. I can say both children impress adults wherever they go. They get the most compliments I have ever seen children get on how well adjusted they are, how well they behave, how well they listen, how well they pay attention, how well they learn in school and how well they flurish. Like I said they were very young. Too young is ONLY an opinion, just as this post is. However, I am providing you with knowledge on two different children who have been back and forth their entire life and it isn't/doesn't have to be  a detrimental experience as  it can be made out to be.

Other posts suggest that chilidren are too young, and theirs may be in their mind, but like I said from experience - you should go for what you believe. You HAVE already had two days a week since she was born. All you are doing is making it official and adding a few days extra which is FAR FROM detrimental to any child! You have to take all posts with a grain of salt. You can listen but do not have to take the advice of these posts as the ONLY way and the END all to everything. There are strong opinions and the users experiences built those opinions.

I think you are not requesting anything that is out of the park. Once you establish paternity, she is only 3 months old, you have the rest of her life to spend with her. Be as amicable with her mother as possible. I know it will be hard, but THAT and the 50:50 placement  IS what is best for everyone especially your little girl ! Custody has not been officially established by the court system so technically no one has sole physical custody.

Make sure you have a room for her and you have your home set up for a child - child proofing, etc....show that you are ready to have her with you more than just those two days a week! I am sure you have done that already since you have been there as much as your Ex has allowed.