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Had hearing to Modify CS. Ex did not appear.
Referee recommended modification.
21 day period for ex to object expired 2 weeks ago.


1) When should I expect a court order?

2) What should I do if I do not get one? (pro se)

I had my FOC hearing today. As you may recall, I was to receive a reduction in CS
That was calculated to be reduced "not less than 200.00 per week or 80% of the Friend of the Court Guidelines amount as calculated based upon Defendant's income and sole physical custody to the Plaintiff." When I began 50?50 custody.

As I listened to the referee go through the calculations, everything sounded right. After the hearing, I realized the referee had made the following errors:

1A) He counted mother's alimony as her income. (I believe the phrase above "as calculated based upon Defendant's income" means that only my income will be used and EX will be treated as she has no income.

2A) He did not apply the "not less than 200.00 per week or 80% of the Friend of the Court Guidelines" provision to the calculation: he used the full guidelines amount.

I got a 97.00 a month reduction based on his calculations. My support changes from 1007.00 a month to 910.00.

The result is that he made an error both against my EX and I. I am not sure what the actually dollar amount is. I will have to run the FOC software Monday when I get to work, but I believe I am paying 100.00 a more a month than I should according to the referee's calculations.

BUT HERE'S THE REAL ISSUE: in the course of the proceeding, I realized that I had not filed a Motion to Change Parenting Time. My lawyer (you have stated elsewhere that you believe some of the things he did could be considered malpractice) did not advise me to file a Motion To Change Parenting Time when I began alternating weekly custody in Oct. (And he certainly knew I was doing it).

The referee brought up the fact that a Motion to Change Parenting Time was not filed. Now, here is where I think the guy gave me a break. He said rather than have me file a Motion to Change parenting Time; he was going to place the recommendation that parenting time be alternated weekly in his recommendation to modify the support order so I would not have to file a Motion To Change Parenting Time.

He could have been a jerk and made me file the Motion .This would have placed me in a bad situation: the EX would have received the Motion and realized that she could cause me some real hell by objecting. I realize she can still object to the Motion as written, but the referee's recommendation to alternate weekly parenting time is worded in such a way as though it seems he is just verifying what has been happening since October.

The Ex does not use an attorney anymore, so she'll just look for the $$$$$ amount of the reduction and that will be it. Of course some clerk might catch the referee's error on the alimony and compute the CS as though she had no income, which would result in no reduction for me.

1) Should I just let the referee's recommendation become an order and do another Motion to Modify Child Support later to correct his errors? I do not want to jeopardize the fact that he allowed me to get away without filing a Motion to Change Parenting Time.
2) Will the fact that he made mathematical errors negate his recommendation to alternate weekly custody in his original order?
3) Is my analysis indicated in  "1A)", ( above, third paragraph) accurate concerning the use of EX's income in CS calculations?

Also see the post under custody issues entitled "no word yet on constitutional challenges"  maybe combined with some of the other help you have been offered here, you can get somewhere.

One more thought on the rec. to wait until daughter gets in first grade.
The EVs reason may be that (I assume you work in day, wife does not?)
that mother can be with her more than you. When first grade starts, the time playing field is more equal. daughter will get out of school at 330 or so...you get home at 5 or 6, etc. Understand?

So....if that is the case and find out from the EV if it is, get that put in the stip as the reason for the wait.

This language appears in a recent "presumption of joint physical custody" bill that
was signed by the Govenor in Iowa today:

"shall be accompanied by specific findings of fact and conclusions of law that the awarding of joint physical care is not in the best interest of the child."

1. is the standard of proof required by the abovementioned phrase closer in meaning to

"a preponderance of the evidence" or "clear and convincing evidence?"

1) can an exhibit be only one document or can it be a groups of related documents that prove one point?

I am currently gathering papers to have my support order reduced by 20% as stipulated in our divorce decree when I assume 50/50 custody, which I have had for several months. I am trying to avoid having to prove anything in great detail (which I can, but I do not want to give them more than necessary). To prove that I have been
alternating weekly custody with the ex, I was think of writing as follows, having her notarize it and attaching it to the motion as exhibit #3. (Exhibit # 1 is the decree, Exhibit #2 the CS calculations as per your previous advice).

"This is to certify that I, XXXXXXXX, Plaintiff and mother of XXXXXXXX, have been alternating weekly custody of our daughter, the minor child, XXXXXXX with the defendant, XXXXXXXXXXXXX. Our daughter resides one week with defendant father, then one week with plaintiff mother.

1. Is this an effective idea?

2. Is there anything else I should add if you think it is an effective idea?


Thanks.

You know my story. It's not about custody this time. A new wrinkle.        
 
My ex filed for divorce in 9-01. She moved 65 miles away. She enrolled daughter in a rural school district with one of the lowest state scores in MI. Daughter was scheduled to start first grade in a Montessori school.  She has attended Montessori pre-school and kindergarten for 3 years in preparation for this. That of course did not happen.

During the 2002  FOC evaluation, I stressed the fact that daughter would do better in school district where I lived or in the Montessori school: this fell on deaf ears. I have had 50/50 custody of my daughter since Oct. 03. I moved 65 miles to where daughter lives and commute 130 mi RT each day to work. I have tried and tried to help her, but I believe two years of this rural school system retarded her academic development along with two years of mother neglecting to help her with schoolwork, etc. Additionally, during daughter's 1st and 2nd grades, mother took her to work with her each and every day.

Mother was a nanny and had to take care of two demanding kids as well as a crippled woman. Mother had no time to spend with daughter to develop study habits, etc. Daughter went to work with mother and came home at 8:30 PM. This was before I had 50/50 and was relegated to the role of a weekend parent. I went to parent-teacher conferences tonight.  

My daughter is about 30% below grade level, especially in math. I found out through the teacher (mother attended a separate conference earlier in the evening) that mother wishes to hold daughter back a grade. Daughter is in third grade. Mother says daughter has been struggling since first grade.

Daughter can and will pass third grade: it is the mother's desire to hold her back, not mandated by the teacher or the school.
I believe Mother does not have a sufficient understanding how a child is educated or how they learn. I have several degrees in education, and have taught for 30 years.  

My plan is to enroll daughter in a Kumon or Sylvan center and see where she is at at end of summer.  Additionally there is a "Jump Start" program offered by the school for "struggling third graders" that starts April 21st. Mother has agreed with me that daughter should attend. It is basically "Spring and Summer School."

I have joint physical (50/50) and joint legal.

1. If the mother still insists on holding the daughter back a grade in August, what legal recourse have I? (Again..the teacher has stated that my daughter can pass can and will pass third grade...she is just below grade level. The mother wants to hold her back...not the school.

Thanks you for any insight you may provide.

I believe this fits the requirement of a major controversy because "a" is used in Michigan Family Courts.  An equal parenting group I work for is lobbying for "b.", since they claim "a" is unfair.

1. What are the legal definitions of:

a. a preponderance of evidence.

b. clear and compelling evidence.

Thanks

In criminal court money is used as a motive for crime consistently. The most recent example that comes to mind is the woman who stabbed her husband 193 times. The prosecutors argued successfully that her motive was her husband's 200,000.00 insurance policy.

In my case, my ex is a woman who is 37 years old and has made less than 20,000.00 in her life. She does not even have enough social security quarters to qualify for benefits. When this thing is over, I will have paid her close to 500,000.
That's not counting the 10 years I supported her without her working.

I am not excessively wealthy. I make about 90,000.00 a year and she gets about half at present. When I was with the FOC evaluator, I mentioned the fact about her lifetime income to him. I wanted him to consider the possibility that her motive was money.

 He did not take it that way: in his report he interpreted it to mean I was indicating she did not have the resources to take care of our daughter. I was  not direct with him.

I have no doubt that in my case her false allegations of domestic violence were motivated by the desire for money and advice from her feminist attorney. Since she has got her bucks, there has not been a peep out of her about DV or any adverse actions on my part towards our daughter. I have never been arrested or accused of any crime and have been a college teacher for 30 years, with an impeccable record
of achievement and no student complaints.

I fully expect her to make false allegations again in Jan. 06 when her alimony ends and the 3-year CS lock-in expires. At that time I will apply for a reduction of CS as per guidelines based on 50-50 custody as per decree. She will be destitute without my money.

1. Have you every heard of a family law attorney successfully DIRECTLY arguing that a mother's motivation for false abuse claims is motivated by money?

2. Since I believe that she will make false allegations in 06, how can I successfully document my fears and use them as a defense?

My divorce decree stated that I must pay my ex-wife's credit cards or they become alimony. It also stated that I must pay the cards off before I can sell house. I stopped paying ex's credit cards. Her credit was blemished. I filed bankruptcy.

House was repossessed. Sold it at 20,000.00 below market value during redemption period. There was not enough left to pay off ex's bills. Ex signed a release of lien against house so house could be sold.

The remaining money was put in the escrow account of an bankruptcy attorney I hired to help me with the stipulation that he would used the remaining money to negotiate with ex's creditors and return remainder (if any) to me.

1. If the attorney successfully settles her debts, can she come after me for anything?
(like bleminshing her credit?)

2. Would this situation have an impact on my ability to file a motion for CS reduction
as per my previous post?

Thank you.

My decree states as follows:

"It is further ordered and adjudged that should parenting time with the minor child be modified to provide for the child to reside with each party for alternating one week
Intervals as provided in this Judgment of Divorce when both Plaintiff and Defendant reside in the XXXXX area with each party having equal parenting time, then for a
period of three years beginning with entry of this judgment, defendant's child support

obligation shall be reduced to not less than $200.00 per week or 80% of the Friend of the Court Guidelines amount as calculated based upon Defendant's income and sole physical custody to Plaintiff, whichever child support amount is greater, however, Defendant's child support obligation shall not be reduced to less than 200.00 per week during the three year period beginning with entry of this Judgment."

Okay..so i moved to the area where my child is in Sept. and have been doing the 50/50 thing since then. I went to FOC and they gave me a "PRAECIPE FOR FOC REFEREE MOTION SCREENING,"

1. What is this? There is no place to write the motion on the form, only a place for "Motion Title."

2. Do i write the motion seperately and attach to form?

3. How would I word a motion to effectuate the decree provision, above?

4. Is there a time limit to make this motion. I have waited because I wanted a record
of expenses, time spent with child (OPTIMAL SOFTWARE) etc.

My divorce decree stipulated as follows concerning my ex's credit card debts:

"It is further ordered and adjudged that whenever this judgment requires Defendant to assume and pay a debt on which Plaintiff may be liable, including any individual and/or joint debt (assumed debt) Defendant, who is primarily responsible to pay the Assumed debt, shall arrange for plaintiff to receive copies of all regular statements and all notices of default relating to that debt,

If Defendant fails to make any payment when due, Plaintiff, at her option, to protect her own credit rating, may make the required payment and seek an Order for spousal support as provided in this judgment of divorce."

"If defendant fails to pay any individual and/or joint debt assumed by him and plaintiff and plaintiff pays or is found liable to pay that debt, by court order or otherwise, then this Court shall order Defendant to pay spousal support to Plaintiff in an amount not less not more than the amount that Plaintiff is liable to pay on the debts."

Also a lien was placed on my house: I had to pay off ex's credit card debts to sell house.
My decree gave me 18 months from Jan. 02 to move within 20 miles of ex to commence 50/50 custody. In Aug of 2003 I signed a purchase contract to sell my house.

I placed a deposit on an apartment and was scheduled to begin living there Sept. 22. I packed up and was ready to move. Closing was set for end of Sept., but things went bad.  The purchaser's mortgage company would give us no information on the loan and kept stringing my real estate agent along.

I moved to the apartment. I was determined not to miss another year of daughter's school. I was still confident the deal would close. I found out at the END OF OCTOBER that the purchaser's loan was not approved. I put the house back on the market, although it was slipping into foreclosure.

 I just could not afford to make an apartment payment and a mortgage payment, pay the ex 2600.00 a month, absorb the added cost of gas commuting 130 mi RT to work each day and added cost of being with daughter 50% of time.  I stopped paying my ex's credit cards and my own. The house was foreclosed.

I am presently filing bankruptcy. There is a 6 mo. Redemption period in my state.  I placed the house on the market at 20,000.00 below market value. A buyer appeared. The problem was, there would not be enough money from house to pay off ex's debts and hence transfer title.

My bankruptcy attorney prepared a release of lien that my ex signed. The money left over from the sale was placed in his escrow account along with a stipulation that he would use the funds to negotiate with ex's creditors in an attempt to settle her debts as per decree.

My decree calls for a 20% reduction (big deal) in CS once I move. I have been doing 50/50 since Oct., but have not filed for this yet, because I am waiting for the attorney to settle ex's debt.


1. If the attorney can settle ex's debts, can she asked the court to award her some type of punitive financial damages because I wrecked her credit? I am afraid she will do this (if she can) when I file for the CS reduction.

Hello.

1. Could you please tell me where I might locate the following document?: In Re Barnes, 264 B.R. 415 (Bkrtcy Mich 2001)

2.What do the letters "264" and "415" refer to?

3. What does "In Re" mean?

4. When one is trying to discredit case law, is the best approach to try and demonstrate the case law is not comparable to the present case (the facts and circumstances are not the same and to try and locae newer case law that contradicts the case law being presented?

5. Is newer usually better in case law as long as the circumstances/facts are similar?

Thank you.

I have 50/50 custody. About 9 months ago, I enrolled 9-year old daughter in piano lessons. For 4 months, I took her to those lessons, even during the weeks she stayed with Ex.

I devised a system to help daughter learn the piano. While I do not play the piano, I know enough about music to figure out the notes and the fingering. I also have a computer program with which I scan the music: the computer plays the music back the way it should sound. I used flash cards and worked hard on my daughter's theory work book with her, etc.

Things went well. On my weeks, I would have daughter practice for 10-15 min 4-5 times a week.  I would sit with her and make sure she had the right notes, fingering, playing position, etc.

Mother knows nothing about music and made no attempt to learn enough to help daughter. Mother's approach was to let daughter practice by herself and did not initiate regular practice times. When daughter would return from mother's, I found myself frantically helping daughter catch up so she would be ready for her lesson.

In May, daughter had first recital: it went well. She really seemed to be enjoying herself.

At the beginning of the school year, daughter began to throw fits and show resistance when I would initiate practice. She said I was pressuring her and did not want to study the piano any more.

I tried to talk this out with her mother. Her response was that I should let daughter alone and daughter should practice when she wants. There is no way my daughter could be ready for her weekly lessons without regular and monitored practice. The piano is not learned through osmosis.

Today mother is going to piano teacher and is going to blame my daughter's frustration on me. This is spilling over into other activities: I will initiate an activity and ask mother if it is okay. Mother says okay; daughter says okay. Lets say it's skating lessons. Once the lessons starts, mother tells daughter I have initiated the lessons to take time away from daughter's time with mother. Eventually daughter resents me and refuses to go. Mother also berates my efforts in front of daughter. Last night, she referred to those "stupid skating lessons" in front of my daughter.

There is another wrinkle here. I have agreed to pay mother full child support (even though I have 50/50) for 3 years as well as 860.00 a month alimony. She nets about 1900.00 a month from me and does not work. (Occasionally she paints a picture and sells it on E-Bay). But she has had no consistent employment since she filled for divorce in 01. When the 3 years are up, her income from me will be 500.00 a month. She was supposed to use the alimony to go to school, but did not.

I believe she is setting me up so she can file for full custody and maybe even a deviation from the FOC guidelines.  She is creating a scenario wherein I am the bad guy, the heavy, the bully. She is creating witnesses (the music teacher).

This personality pattern was evident when we were married. No matter what goal or activity I initiated for our family, she would undermine and destroy it She has this do your own thing attitude and is teaching it to our daughter. Ex is 38 years old and has accomplished nothing. She worked on a BA degree for 15 years (she did not work in our marriage) and did not finish. Her mother is the same way: dependant on others. I fear my daughter will not self actualize and end up like her mother and grand mother.


My reaction at this point is that daughter should not continue the piano lessons as she stated to both parents she did not want to. However, mother is presenting a spin to piano teacher that paints me as the one who is stopping the lessons.

My daughter has successfully completed skiing, swimming, dance, horseback riding lessons that I have initiated and supervised. She has enjoyed them. Now, I am fearful of initiating anything new, since she will accuse me of impinging on time with daughter.

I am trying to find things that daughter can do without using mother's time, but it is hard: most stuff requires weekly commitment.

I am sure you are well aware of the old FOC attitude that when 2 parents cannot get along in 50/50, custody goes to mom. This is what I am afraid of.

Any ideas about this?

    For many years, my son, (28) from another marriage would regularly visit my daughter at Christmas and the summer. He did this from the time daughter was born. The last time he visited was in July of 2002. In approximately early January of 2003, my ex-wife informed me that a counselor from a women's shelter had made a call to CPS concerning an alleged incident between my son and daughter.
   I have tried to recreate the event that started this situation and have received bits and pieces from my daughter.  EX enrolled herself and daughter immediately in the same women's shelter referred to above after EX filed for divorce in Sept. 2001. Two therapists from the shelter wrote FOC evaluator who investigated our custody case stating that daughter and her mother "exhibited most of the signs and symptoms of persons exiting abusive relationships."
    The FOC evaluator recommended 50/50 custody and I have been doing that since Oct 03.
   Daughter did not attend individual therapy at the shelter on a regular basis, but was part of a group. This went on for 2 years. Apparently there was an exercise  (Jan 2003) wherein the children were first asked to draw pictures of anyone who hurt them, identify that person, and then put some kind of sticker on that person. The way the exercise was conducted that every child was required to name someone that hurt them and the next child was not called upon until the previous child had named someone. My daughter named my son. Later, in talking with my daughter about the incident, she stated that my son did not hurt her and they were just playing and does not seem at all disturbed by the incident.
    I never saw the report. My ex claimed that Jennifer stated that Wiley had "tied her up."  The women's shelter called CPS. CPS called the cops. The cops came to my house in Feb. 2003. They did not investigate because my son did not live in Michigan, but in Arizona.
    My son was advised by an attorney not to talk to daughter or myself back in Jan 2003. My son is a junior high school teacher in AZ. My daughter is 9 years old now.
    Well, it's August 2004 now and my son and daughter have been talking on the phone regularly. I want to take my daughter to Universal studios in October and have my son meet us there. I am worried that my EX can screw things up. She has a real motivation to do so: since I have 50/50, her child support will be cut in half Jan 06. (from 1000 to 500.00 a month) her 3-year alimony (860.00 a month) will end. She has no income but these two sources. It is in her best financial interest to defeat the 50/50 so she can get full child support.

1) What can I do to protect myself from her potential allegations?
2) Is the CPS thing that happened in Jan 03 relevant now?
3) Am I doing something that can be used against me in court my having daughter talk to or visit son?
   

1. My ex filed for divorce in 9-01. She snatched daughter and moved 65 miles away.
2. She enrolled daughter in an inferior school district with lousy state scores: Daughter was scheduled to start first grade in a Montessori school. That of course did not happen.
3. During the FOC evaluation, I stressed the fact that daughter would do better in school district where I lived or in the Montessori school: this fell on deaf ears.
4. I have had 50/50 custody of my daughter since Oct 03. I moved 65 milles to where daughter lives and commute 130 mi RT each day to work. I have tried and tried to help her, but two years of this lousy school system have screwed her up along with two years of mother never helping her with her schoolwork, etc.
5. I went to parent-teacher conferences tonight.
6. My daughter is about 30% below grade level.
7. I found out through the teacher (mother attended a separate conference earlier) that mother wishes to hold daughter back a grade. Daughter is in third grade. Mother claims daughter has been struggling since first grade. (After telling FOC evaluator that the schools daughter was in were "good" schools.) Mind you, daughter can pass third grade: it is the mother's desire to hold her back, not mandadted by the teacher.
8. I knew this was going to happen.
9. Mother has no idea of how a child is educated or how they learn
10.  I have several degrees in education, have taught for 30 years, and can't believe the crazy generalization the mother makes when discussing daughter's school.
11. My plan is to enroll daughter in a Kumon or Sylan center starting now and see where she is at at end of summer. I think mother will go along with this.
12. I am concerned with the psychological effect on my daughter if she finds out in August that she has flunked third grade.
13.What are your thoughts?
Have any of you had kids that were held back? How'd they turn out?

Where is the FERPA info located on this site?

If you know of anyone in Michigan who would sign a petition for the presumption of joint physical custody to be placed on the Nov. Ballot, call or email them immediately and advise them of the following instructions. The deadline is May 15th.

The following site contains the DADS of Michigan joint custody petition and related documents: it will unzip as a folder. Read the materials, print the petition as directed, and get some signatures, including your own. Registered voters, only. If you or your friends are not registered, get registered and sign the petition. This is a real chance to do something about this crap.

https://www.quickbase.com/up/9gsk8isf/g/rbi/ej/va/ChildrenNeedBothParentsPetiton13Mar04.zip

http://www.detnews.com/2004/metro/0403/12/d06-89688.htm

 In criminal court money is used as a motive for crime consistently. The most recent example that comes to mind is the woman who stabbed her husband 193 times. The prosecutors argued successfully that her motive was her husband's 200,000.00 insurance policy.

In my case, my ex is a woman who is 37 years old and has made less than 20,000.00 in her life. She does not even have enough social security quarters to qualify for benefits. When this thing is over, I will have paid her close to 500,000.
That's not counting the 10 years I supported her without her working.

I am not excessively wealthy. I make about 90,000.00 a year and she gets about half at present. When I was with the FOC evaluator, I mentioned the fact about her lifetime income to him. I wanted him to consider the possibility that her motive was money.

 He did not take it that way: in his report he interpreted it to mean I was indicating she did not have the resources to take care of our daughter. I was  not direct with him.

I have no doubt that in my case her false allegations of domestic violence were motivated by the desire for money and advice from her feminist attorney. Since she has got her bucks, there has not been a peep out of her about DV or any adverse actions on my part towards our daughter. I have never been arrested or accused of any crime and have been a college teacher for 30 years, with an impeccable record
of achievement and no student complaints.

I fully expect her to make false allegations again in Jan. 06 when her alimony ends and the 3-year CS lock-in expires. At that time I will apply for a reduction of CS as per guidelines based on 50-50 custody as per decree. She will be destitute without my money.

1. Have you every heard of a family law attorney successfully DIRECTLY arguing that a mother's motivation for false abuse claims is motivated by money?

2. Since I believe that she will make false allegations in 06, how can I successfully document my fears and use them as a defense?

DADS of Michigan will be gathering signatures starting March 12 to place a measure on the Ballot in Nov. calling for the presumption of joint physical custody in Michigan. they need 250,000 signatures. Please help them.

Take a look


http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=571&e=17&u=/nm/health_drinking_dc

             
Last year I attended the million dads march in DC. I listened to Dr. Baskerville, Dean Tong and many others. Unfortunately, the attendance was paltry. We have a civil rights problem. The only way to solve that is through group action. The march takes place in front of the capitol, where many of the b******s who passed the laws that cripple us are employed. This is an election year. The lawmakers need to know we are out here. See you there.
http://www.milliondadsmarch.org/

As a college professor I can tell you there are absolute no novels, plays, or films that address a father's plight in the divorce/custody quagmire from an understanding viewpoint. KRAMER vs. KRAMER was the first and last that even approached the subject.

A professor in Michigan has written a novel entitled The Gantlet that effectively details the horrors of the legal system and the custody/divorce industry.

I URGE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU TO VISIT AMAZON.COM AND ORDER THIS BOOK. The least we can do as a group is to support those who manage to find a way to portray our plight in the media. God knows the news won't help us. HOPEFULLY THIS BOOK WILL GET MADE INTO A FILM! The book is The Gantlet and the author is Leigh Travis. Here is a sample review:
"As a psychologist specializing in this area of practice, I have made a good living helping people deal constructively with divorce-but, in all candor, they seem to represent a decided minority. Travis' novel is consistent with my own observations, i.e., that in the epidemic of "Out of the Picture" Dads, there may be more than meets the eye.
This story of a determined father's tortuous struggle to remain in his child's life after divorce is as compelling as it is relevant to our times. In a culture where fathers are widely viewed as superfluous at best, there are precious few examples in literature, film or music of a much different reality, of fathers as devoted parents who bring profound and inimitable gifts to their children's lives. Travis' novel places such a father at the center of a father-child love story, which--after divorce--goes very, very bad indeed. It chronicles a father's Kafkaesque journey through a corrupt legal system that sentences both father and child to a gantlet of unrelenting obstacles-and unrelenting reasons to give up on one another-every step of the way.
Though fundamentally about love, this is a painful story that reminds us that character is sometimes, under insane circumstances, as much a curse as a virtue, and that while love should always prevail, this might not always be the case. It seems unfair to both writer and reader to reveal the ending, but let it suffice to say that the reading is a memorable experience. It is enough to make grown men (as well as women) cry.
And think.
What more can one ask of a novel? "
If you're looking for a novel that challenges you as a human being: Strongly Recommended.
If you know the pain all too well: Essential Reading.

For many years, my son, (30 years old) from another marriage would regularly visit my daughter (10 years old now) at Christmas and the summer and we often took trips together. He did this from the time daughter was born. The last time he visited was in July of 2002. In approximately early January of 2003, my ex-wife informed me that a counselor from a women's shelter had made a call to CPS concerning an alleged incident between my son and daughter.

I have tried to recreate the event that started this situation and have received bits and pieces from my daughter. EX enrolled herself and daughter immediately in the same women's shelter referred to above after EX filed for divorce in Sept. 2001. Two therapists from the shelter wrote FOC evaluator who investigated our custody case stating that daughter and her mother "exhibited most of the signs and symptoms of persons exiting abusive relationships."

The FOC evaluator recommended 50/50 custody and I have been doing that since Oct 03. I moved 65 miles and commute. I bought a home in my daughter's school district.

Daughter did not attend individual therapy at the woman's shelter on a regular basis, but was part of a group. This went on for 2 years. Apparently there was an exercise (Jan 2003) wherein the children were first asked to draw pictures of anyone who hurt them, identify that person, and then put some kind of sticker on that person. The way the exercise was conducted that every child was required to name someone that hurt them and the next child was not called upon until the previous child had named someone. My daughter named my son. Later, in talking with my daughter about the incident, she stated that my son did not hurt her and they were just playing and does not seem at all disturbed by the incident.

I never saw the report. My ex claimed that Jennifer stated that son had "tied her up." The women's shelter called CPS. CPS called the cops. The cops came to my house in Feb. 2003. They did not investigate because my son did not live in Michigan, but in Arizona. My son was advised by an attorney not to talk to daughter or myself back in Jan 2003. My son is a junior high school teacher in AZ.

After seeking advice from Soc and others on this board, I decided to have daughter and son not communicate.

This was 3 years ago. My daughter is 10 years old now.

I always assumed that the EX was motivating this stuff and vindictive against my son.

Well, I spoke to EX last PM. I told her about the situation (Son and daughter not communicating or visiting) and Ex said she was surprised to hear that and thought they talked on a regular basis and she also wondered why they did not see each other.

Well this was big news to me!

I explained the effect the woman's shelter incident had had on my son and me and my reson's for not having son and daughter communicate.

So, I was wondering if it would be a good idea to have EX sign a notarized statement to the effect that she is aware that son and daughter are communicating and intend to visit and that she has no problem with it.

EX stated she would be willing to do this. I do not want to get attorney involved, etc. just because I do not want anything that would make EX think I was up to something nefarious.

The other issue linked to the above situation was that of child support and alimony. My decree provided for 860.00 a month
rehabilitative alimony for 3 years. The decree also provided that I pay ex full child support, whether or not I have 50/50 for a 3-year period.

The 3-year period is over and the alimony is ended. I have decided
not to file for a modification of support. I can afford to pay the full support and EX needs it.

My original fear was that trying to facilitate communication between son and daughter would give Ex a reason to file for full custody to get more support if I attempted to modify support to reflect current 50/50 custody situation.

I have eliminated that motivation. She has no financial incentive to file for full custody, since it would cost her MUCH more to take care of daughter for an entire month that it does now if she had to pay for everything.

50/50 has been very smooth with no incidents.  Daughter's grades have gone from C's to A's in the past 2 years with my involvement in her school work.

I have kept meticulous detailed records, documentation and receipts on Optimal's parenting Time Tracker since Sept. 03.

So...what should I do?

How should I word notarized document?

Thanks.

I am going to retract what I said about War of the Worlds. After seeing the film, I think we have a pretty positive portrait here.
When we first meet Tom Cruise, he is the typical divorced Dad: disenfranchised and forced to see his kids 4 days a month while his EX galavants about WITH HER RICH HUSBAND AND TOM STILL HAS TO PAY HER CS.
There is no information given in the film that tom caused the divorce, and from the info given, it looks like his wife left him for a richer man.
Well, Tom kicks ass and saves his kids.

Here's a brief excerpt from a magazine backing up my point:

In War of the Worlds, Cruise plays the divorced father who must flee with his young daughter (Dakota Fanning) and teenage son (Justin Chatwin) when aliens lay siege to their New Jersey hometown. Spielberg said Cruise's father character stands in sharp contrast to Richard Dreyfuss' dad character in Close Encounters, who left his family to board an alien ship. "I was never really conscious of that," Spielberg said. "I know, in Close Encounters, certainly, as I wrote the script, it was about a man whose insatiable curiosity—more than just curiosity, a developing obsession, and a kind of psychic implantation—drew him away from his family and, ... only looking back once, walked onto the mothership. Now that was before I had kids. That was 1977. So I wrote that blithely. Today, I would never have the guy leaving his family to go on the mothership. I would have the guy doing everything he could to protect his children. So in a sense, War of the Worlds does reflect my own maturity in my own life growing up and now having seven children."

Ron Howard's "Cinderella Man" paints a kind, sympathetic portriat of a Dad whose family comes first. The mother is equally well-drawn. The film is a celebration of the values of THE GREAT GENERATION, where the family came first. Now we have an obscenity named Kim Gandy declaring a "state of national emergency" for women becuase of the Supreme Court opening.

Unfortunately, "Cinderella Man" did not do well at the Box Office.

I am not pleased with the character Tom cruise portrays in War of the Worlds, a major motion picture opening Wed., directed by Spielberg. Cruise is basically a non-caring Dad who wrecked his marriage. Of course, he turns into a good dad at the end, but needs the ordeal of an Alien invasion to do it.

Spielberg made the Dad the villian in E.T., also. Spielberg has had issues wih his own father over the years, and it shows up in his films. I just wish he'd lighten up on the anti-dad crap.

My sonsdad recently made a post wherein he explained that Optimal was not looked at. Has any one used Optimal successfully in court? Has anyone been denied the submission of Optimal as evdience?

It seems to me a hand written log can be faked easier than a time-stamped electronic log such as Optimal.

If you have used hand written logs, what was the format? What kind of paper or notebook did you use?