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There was no will.  Two life insurance policies, each left to one of the minor children.  The guardian of the policy is the guardian of the child.   Wish insurance companies would educate the people they sell policies to.  Never leave something to a minor....leave it to an adult you trust for the care and well being of said minor.

Court today was uneventful.  The judge explained how it worked, and asked her if she wanted to spend more of her son's money. She withdrew her complaint against me.  I know she will have control over a $100,000. trust fund for the child.  He will have access at 18.  Hope the court moniters his money.
She does not have an attorney at this time.  I think, including the divorce, she has had and dismissed 5 attorneys.  I am expecting her to plead indigent and ask for an attorney.
Interesting note, I looked on the clerk of courts website today, her current husband 's name popped up.  He goes to court for contempt with one of this exwives 11/5. ( they are 37 and 4th marriage for each of them)  This looked like his 7th or 8th contempt which had included some previous jail time.  I think his is due more to not paying support.  This, along with the fact they were just evicted from a rental (3rd move in 9 months) scares me with the money that is for my grandson.  They also receive $989. per month for him from social security.  I do not believe much of that is going for him.  Last winter he did not have a winter coat, until I bought one for him. he is not seeing the specialist his pediatrition referred him to last April

We can do that, however how do I do that without putting the child in the middle?  He is 10 and well schooled in all of the "rules".  He sees mom as the victim, very defensive of her.  We try to go above and beyond so he is not in a position where he feels conflict or the need to defend.
BM will freak if we do this. Not sure what to expect from her.  Really beginning to wonder about her mental stability and the effect on this child.

Our court date for the contempt was last Monday.  Attorney was ill, so it is postponed to 12/6!!  Not sure this old gramma will make it that long!
During mediation BM requested we let her know when going out of the county.  We go frequently to football games, relatives, shopping, attractions, family reunions etc. 1 to 5 counties away.  Always a day trip.  Never have had a problem.  We live 35 miles from the state line.  Saturday, we let BM know we were going to that state to a popular fun restaurant....2 counties, 45 minutes away, but in another state.  Well. she didn't like it!  Got a nasty text.  When we took him home today we got a signed paper that states we do not have permission to take him out of the county without written permission.  Once again this is not addressed in our agreement.  I will take to our attorney next week.   I am not sure of her motivation other than to be nasty.  This child is 10 years old, loves to go with us.  We are property owners with deep ties to the area...not going to run off with him at all.  What am I not seeing?
BM also is not attending any court ordered counseling sessions.  She will not return the counselers call to schedule so case is closed.  Hoping if we ever get to court this changes.  There is no need for any of this behavior.
We go to probate court tomorrow.  she has accused us of selling my son's property and using the money.  This is the same woman that has not signed any of the probate papers and we have had to have a hearing for everything.  My son's possessions are all in sorage with us paying.  She also complained that she was not given the opportunity to go through his things, and we did not give her half of the memorial contributions.  She went so far as to call my son's former employer to ask how much they gave and not to give any more.  She and current hubby have just moved for the 3rd time in 6 months after an eviction.  I fear my grandson will never see the money his father meant for him.
This is never going to end is it?

The good news is BM decided on her own we can bring child to the walk and participate from there. It is this Saturday, hoping it works out well.

I thought things were looking up, then I got a letter from the attorney taking care of my son's estate.  She wrote a letter to the judge, accused us of cleaning the house out, selling everything, and pocketing the money. She made her own inventory as to what she remembered being in the house with full retail prices.  She stated in this letter she is sure there are more bank accounts so she is calling banks/credit unions in the area to find out if there are accounts we are hiding, AND she called the very professional place where my son worked and asked that they do not donate any more money, as her son is not seeing any of it.  I am so embarressed.  None of this has happened.  She would not sign the papers for meto be executor, so we had to have a hearing (she did not attend) so I could be appointed.  There will be another hearing to deal with this.  Not concerned as we have done nothing wrong...her actions are costing the estate more which will mean less $$$ for the kids.  I am concerned about turning life insurance $$ over to her "safekeeping".  Oh, looked at online court records tonite, she still doesn't have an attorney but did see a new tidbit.  She is moving, 3rd time this year, because she is being evicted.  Printed that info.  Don't know if it will help anything.  Scares me even more to have her in charge of grandsons money.

Needed to vent...thanks!

Thank you...thinking a bit more clearly today. 

Kitty...you are right.  Little brother loves hanging with big brothers friends. and they are pretty tolerant.

Ocean....I can do that.

New question, and I wouldn't ask if it hadn't happened to my son and I didn't see it happening again...what do I do when she comes to my house and demands her child. 

What does it take to get along with people like this?  My divorce was not this bad, never have had anything like this.  Do they ever pull their head out of their hiney?

Thank you.  This event is emotional enough...it's only been a year.  I know she is trying to wear us down so we don't want to deal with her.  It's not going to happen.  It may kill me, but it is not going to happen.

Giggles,  That would seem logical wouldn't it?  Not going to work.  BM wants us to take him back to her (half hour away), she will dress him in her shirt and go the walk so he can be with his midget football team that going to walk as well.  That is great!  My other grandson has half of the marching band, the wrestling team, and the girls that follow him, BUT he wants to be with his brother.  There is no reason these kids cannot mix together, all are from the same small school.  BM has an agenda to do everything she can to keep the boys apart.  Oh, she informed me after the walk he will go home with her, and we will need to pick him up again.  The walk is about half way between us....everything is so damn painful.

We filed contempt, and the result has almost been miraculous!  Total turnaround with BM attitude, and that is good.  We go to court 10/17.

New dilemma..It is our weekend for visit.   BM informs us she "needs" child for 3 hours.  She and child and other members of her family are attending a suicide awareness walk.  They have a shirt for child.   We also are attending this walk, and we have shirts made.  This is our weekend, time for the brothers to spend together.  When child sees BM there he will feel gulity and be with her.  The walk is open to everyone, we all have good reason to be there.  This is how my son, the childrens father passed....don't want to fight, don't want to make child feel guilty.  The boys get such limited time together..........I cannot think straight and need help.
Thanks

 He does havetoo much information for a 10 year old.  He knows everything about every legal issue we have had with mom.  Of course, he has it from mom's point of view.  We cannot/willnot compete with mom.  He needs his mom and his brother.  They both can be in his life.
When he tells us legal stuff, or "mom didn't tell me to say that stuff" we work hard to respond,  " This is an adult problem, you're a kiddo...you need to have fun and try to forget it and let us adults get the help we need to figure it all out."  I know i've made mistakes, I have never been in this position before and I do not like any of it one bit.  It is hell. We try to be aware of everything we say, and try not to discuss mom unless he brings her up.

Below are some things he has told us

• He knows mom does not like his brother.
  
• He told me he would not be able to come over on the 2nd week of summer visitation because his mom misses him too much. 
  
• His mom is afraid we will make him sad because we have picture of his dad in our house. I don't know what to do with this.  We can discuss dad with the 14 year old calmly but sometimes there are tears.  I think this is normal.  We are terrified of discussing dad with the 10 year old because of what will get back to mom and the trouble this will cause.  I think this is not normal.
  
• He is not allowed to ask mom to come over more frequently or stay longer.  He did this in the past, and that is when most of the trouble started.  He has told her he's had the best night of his life here, and he loves it here.  I can see how mom feels threatened, especially when she did not have custody when father passed.  There is room in his life for everyone.
  
• He is confused...wants to be with everyone.

I can see how mom is making him feel guilty for having a good time with his brother.  He is scared of expressing his feelings because he does not want to hurt mom. 
We are only grandparents.  We had a stronger than normal relationship with both of these children.  Son was single dad in a management position.  We were backup.  We've done everything a parent would do for them.  The children do not have any rights if mom doesn't cooperate.  Do we ever have a chance of this being different?