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Attorney today, we are filing contempt. Found out we will have the same magistrate, so I don't expect anything different to happen.  BM has started positioning herself, to throw mud at the older sibling. younger child is getting "tired" of older brother  and the way he treats him.  Funny, younger child cries when it's time to leave.  I think there is little hope for this situation and even the siblings relationship.

I like the wording and thought process.  Not sure our local courts would give us more, or take time away. It has been apparent BM can roadblock any attempts from magistrate. I think that magistrate is a large part of the problem. The judge of this court has indicated to our attorney that he has concerns for our situation, but I think it is the luck of the draw.  I was hoping some of this would be looked at for what it is, abuse of this child by a mother with her own issues and motives. He has turned into a caretaker for her, worrying about her health and defending her at all cost. Examples would be telling us BM has a mood disorder because of menopause, and is in much pain because her ovaries grew back! He announced to a room full of family that when he was a baby his ears were so big his mom had to have the doctors trim them back so he didn't look so bad....it would be funny if he did not 100% believe this because his mom told him so. He stands to come into some major  money at age 18.  He knows the exact dollar amount and has already, told us he needs to help his mom out with it.  I am sure that is why he is being isolated.  I do not care about the money, except it is for his future, at this point his future is bleak.  I have a letter from the counseling office stating I came to sessions. They did call BM, she will not talk to them. He has a cell phone, conversations are awkward as he has to keep it on speaker, and BM has commentary running in the background. At our house he is supposed to carry it everywhere so BM can call him. He is in trouble if he doesn't answer.
Thank you, I really think this is hopeless. Watching the negative changes in this child is just about as bad as having lost a child.

Thank you for your advice. We have spent most of the last two years in mediation(unsuccessful)  and court trying to change our plan. Magistratet told us to work out a new agreement but is unwilling to help us with it. He wants us to negotiate it and will not make any decisions, or give any inkling how he will rule. BM will not negotiate at all despite magistrate saying she is the most selfish parent he has ever seen.  In fact, she wanted us and sibling to have less time and no summer time. In the end our attorney..who is one of the better in our area...recommended walking away because he had visions of magistrate trying to make everyone happy, and in process we could loose time. So much of this seems dependent on the luck of the draw with judges/magistrates. We got one who would not make a decision and ended up rewarding BM bad behavior. Now, three months later, we'll be back in court. Something needs done differently or nothing is going to change....I don't know what that something is.

We are in Ohio...have attorney appt. next week to start another contempt, but my mind is whirling.  We are grandparents, my son is deceased.  He was residential father of two, they had different mothers. We have custody of older, it is going well. Concerned about the younger...11 years old. We understand third party custody, and we believe this child is being abused. I also know the court has high standards. 
Since father's death BM has moved/been evicted five times. Currently live 2 hours away, we drive the entire trip for visits. Siblings see each other every other weekend (unless BM has plans) after living together. No holidays, holiday eves, evenings, birthdays, summer holidays nothing else. BM has alienated child against us to the point he tells sibling he hates us. Had an in camera with magistrate,  determination made that is not true. Also was determined child has never dealt with fathers death and is all but screaming for help. Counseling was recommended. Magistraite will not order counseling for child. BM will not take child to counseling. We have as part of our agreement counseling for BM and us.BM will not go. Cannot get a contempt on this.  We were told 2 years ago child was referred to psychologist for AdHD eval. Never happened, but ADHD is used as frequent excuse.   
This is the worst part....since the latest move 4 months ago child is isolated. He is home schooled, pulled from athletics, pulled from band. He stays in tiny apartment, does not go outdoors because he and BM do not know anyone, but watches other children play out the window. They go to the grocery, and he comes to our house. That is it. He is around no other people. His personality is changing, not drastic, but he is very protective/defensive of BM. He trusts no one else and would argue to the end if BM has told him something...no matter how outlandish. He recently announced his ears were so big when he was born his mom made the dr, cut them back. This was not said as a joke, It would be funny but he really believes this  and other similar stories. He only took Christmas gifts home that his mom would like.  He tells us she is on medicine for a mood disorder because of menopause and she is in pain because her ovaries grew back.  BM uses him as a messenger and has started allowing him to make his own decisions...so we make arrangements for pick up with her, then get a text from him saying he is not coming.  When he is here he has fun, enjoys his sibling, and cries when it is time to go home. 
Is this enough abuse that the court may recognize it? Our goal isn't to snatch him from his mother, but to insure he matures into the most emotionally healthy adult possible. I can fight to the end of time for this child, but I cannot risk the little bit of sanity I have left, not to mention the financial expense.  BM has always been high conflict, the only time not was when my son won custody.  Do I continue pushing on for this child? Not sure i can see the situation clearly. Thank you.

I just reread this...should not post without 2nd cup of coffee.  I sound nuts!!
We have asked for our 2nd week of visitation the end of July.  Still no answer.  We actually are not in front of a judge, but a magistrate who is slow moving.  He was ill on one occasion and we had the judge.  We were told this was a good thing, he has sympathy for us, and has taken an interest in our case.  He recommended more time as well (before the incamera interview) and suggested many different plans all vetoed by BM.  He told both attorneys he has never seen a more selfish   If parent ever. Please keep us in prayers, thoughts or even good mojo....we pick child up MKonday evening...just have a bad feeling...Thanks!

I am so thankful I can come here to vent....and hear some helpful words,
Backinfo, newinfo below!
We're coming upon three years since my son took his life, and three years with this hell with his ex, and upon a year with our current unresolved court case with our grandchildren.  We have custody of older child (from diff mother), younger child every other weekend, NO holidays or make up time, 2 weeks summer.  Dad was custodial parent of both prior to death. Mom of younger is doing everything possible to keep children apart from day 1. We Filed contempt last August, she denied our 2nd week, and several weekends.  She has alienated child and told him many untruths.  Child has come around somewhat.  Misses sibling greatly and literally clings to sibling when together.....they both express desire to spend more time together. Because they spend NO holidays NOT even Fathers day together and there is no make up time, some months, there is only 1 weekend visit.  Younger child has no phone, no email no facebook.  Can call on mom's phone, but mom is right there, can be heard in background, older child not comfortable. Olderchild and stepmom had Bad relationship, documented verbal and physical abuse.  She has invited older child over, child is not comfortable in their home...they do have a tattoo parlor set up in living room.  Stepdad trashes me...claims he was close to me son and blames me for his death....they have told older grandchild he can live with them if it is too bad over here...his replay was why would i do that?    God knows what they are telling younger gchild.
New crap  
Mom set up in camera interview for younger.  He told older he was telling judge he wanted to spend more time with him but did not care if he saw us very often.  Judge can back with He loves brother and us, no problem and no reason with him spending more time here.  Though that was good.   They are moving 2.5 hours away allegedly for stepfathers job.  He has always traveled, now they have to move.  This year was going to be the first year the kids were in the same school, could see each other during the day, just the extra bit......Nest week is week one of vaca weeks.  We WERE going out of state to visit his aunt. Mom threw a fit.  Judge said we can take him anywhere we want.  MOM  still threw a fit. Our attorney can't get ahold of mom's attorney.  We're not going only because there are forest fires where we were going and 2 of us have asthma...not good.  We do live within and hour of 3 states,by God we may go to all three!!  Older child asked attorney if younger child (11 years old) can choose where he lives) Attorney said no...he is stuck with mom.  If we were Dad it would be different.  I REALLY belive this woman has a mental disorder.....all of this behavior is documented in the report from my son's GAL in his relationship with her and her previous ex husband's relationship with her......wanting to move away, alienating the children, we haven't had sexual abuse yet.....but there is a proven history here of multiple times of each of these things.....Younger child tells us at home he is on computer playing minecraft or watching movies, or reading.  Does not play outdoors, they live in a not so great area.  Could not take his bike home, because it might get stolen.  Mom only watches movies, so it is what he does...she  does not like to play cards or board games with him. He was referred to psychologist last April for ADHD, never was taken.  We were all court ordered counseling, I went, no one else and no one seems concerned about it.  Judge recommended he see a counseler because he has not dealt with his fathersdeath.  Judge stated the child is all but screaming for help, like a valcano about to spill over.   She WILL NOT TAKE HIM.  What the Hell is Wrong with our system???  He is not allowed to deal with is fathers deathe becasue she does not want him to be sad.  we have gotten screamed at by her for making him sad!!! Welcome to reality!!!  I also believe That is not the only thing the kid wants help with. 

WHAT DO I DO   before I loose my mind again, while I still have the energy to try???
Thank you I just HATE our justice system and what I have experinced with innocent children. No one gives a damn about the best intrest of a child.  NO ONe at all.

We filed contempt last August against former dil.  We had been refused 2 weekend visits and a full week visit.  Finally had a court date in Feb. where magestrate tells us to come up with a new agreement as the one we have is too difficult.  He makes recommendations.  We have had 2 more pre-trials since then, numerous suggestions from the magistrate, and bm will agree to nothing.  Last time in court the magistrate was ill, so the judge took our case. Attorney thinks this is good, Judge will be more decisive and is very sympathetic to our situation.  Has also read file, and made note of 4 contempts dad had against mom before dad had custody.   He made more suggestions, mom will agree to nothing.  Our last suggestion was every other weekend, 2 weeks in summer, and every other holiday EXCEPT Christmas and Thanksgiving.  Bm always has them.  No deal.
Judge tells attorneys he cannot believe a parent is being this greedy with a child.  Next court date is Thursday.  So today I receive papers.  She is contesting the need for new agreement and is requesting an in camera interview for this 10 year old.  I am just sick!!! This child has had his father die, he gets to see the brother he lived with 2 weekends a month, and no holidays ever.  I can't imagine putting this child through this and basically making him say he does not want to spend more time with his brother.  I am questioning this battle.  I think I owe it to my son to preserve these children's relationship, but at what cost to this child?   oh, we didn't ask for a new agreement, the original magistrate told us to come up with one.  Could this make her look bad with the judge?  We were also originally order into joint counseling to help our relationship.  she never went.   Why isn't there a law against people being nasty just because they can.  She told me she didn't care if we see him or not because after she lost custody her time with him was limited until she moved back to the area.    So much for the laws that have the best interest of the child.  All of this has been going on since July of 2010 when my son passed.  This is never going to get better.
Thanks for letting me rant, I don't know how much longer I can do this.

After two postponements we finally had our first pretrial for our contempt charge against grandchilds's mother.  The magistrate thinks we should adopt the local rule as our agreement.  We wanted that originally, but mom would not agree.  This would give us more time.  Four weeks in the summer opposed to two, an evening every week, and some holidays.  We get no holidays now.  This child and the child we have custody of(different mothers) would have more time together. Their father, who had custody of both children, passed 18 months ago.  I think this would be good for the kids.  Will be interesting to see how this plays out.

New issue...we do not see any report cards from the non-custodial grandchild.  I did see an interim report in a book he brought over.  It made me sick, Mostly DS, a couple of Fs. He had been an honor roll student.  Today we had a 2 hourschool delay. He did not go to school because mom had to go to work and could not take him.  We have offered to pick him up or take him anytime.  Mom thought it was better he miss school than ask for help.  Very concerned about his progress.  He is early middle school.  I know gal told us last year, that is an area looked at very closely.  No longer have gal, so attorney isn't sure how we can get school info since we are only grandparents.  Any thoughts??

Thank you for help and support.   I don't want it like this, and it does not have to be like this. My son would hate this.....I have recently went to the cemetery and gave him hell for dying!  Yep, a little crazy

[BM waited until 12/1 to hire attorney]

We filed contempt August 1.  First hearing postponed to 12/6 because attorney was ill.  Now that is  postponed because BM waited until 12/1 to hire attorney.   Don't have a new date yet, probably mid-January.   Meanwhile, she is not bothering with the court ordered counseling, and she gives us new rules every month. 
Where is karma when you need it??

Wise decision Tigger.  My son would not have done this had he known his ex would control the money.