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Messages - williaer

#101
I think the best advice is to start slowly increasing the amount of time that they are with you. What do you have now-50-50 or something else? If you have less than 50-50, you need to work up to at least that and then try for more. It is unlikely that you will ever be legally awarded more than 50-50. Is she such a bad mother that you think she should only have her children 4 days a month? I try to look at it like this- how would I feel if someone took my children away and told me I could only see them every other weekend...It's not a fair arrangement for anyone. I think the only way to go from sole custody of one to sole custody to the other is:
Death
Agreement of the sole custodian
inprisonment of the sole custodian

outside of one of those circumstances- you're most likely to get 50-50 or less.
#102
Welcome to our world! My husband is black and the mothers of his older two children are white. The oldests family was/is totally racist and horrible. The grandmother used to tell her that she couldn't sleep on her pillows or get into her pool with hair grease in, because it would "mess them up". They also told her she couldn't watch particular shows because there were too many black people on them. It is a good argument- but you need lot's of documentation and neutral testimony. We filed and won joint legal and physical...it was based on this and lots of other things- but it was a part of our argument.
#103
I'm just going to give you fiar warning and heads up...we have 50-50 with my step daughter and although we all think it is in her best interest, it is hard on her. She has two totally differnt lives- nothing really wrong with either- but they are different and she goes through this thing where she feels like she has to shut off one family and turn on the other and vice versa. While it is a good theory- we do a 2 week split and it is a little hellish for everyone.

She is going to see a child psychiatrist to be evaluated for her depression issues, etc...just don't get upset when it isn't the perfect life you imagine it will be...but it can be worked through.
#104
Custody Issues / RE: Going through a bad break up
Sep 20, 2006, 05:18:21 PM
I'm not trying to be judgemental- nosey or pushy- but what would posses you to have an overnight visitor before you have a court order in place? I can't imagine you didn't know that this would be her reaction. It just seems from your post that you moved her out one week and then had a new guest overnight the next. My husband and I lived together for a long time before we were married- so I understand overnight guests and things- but that quickly and when you have no paperwork. She is the automatic legal guardian of that child until you get to court- no matter what you feel is the right thing- when you have a child out of marriage there is only one provable parent to begin with and that is obviously the mother.....You talk about her going out to bars, but clearly you were able to meet someone too- so I don't think she is the only one to blame for the relationship failing. I'm glad that you filed for the custody- but I would expect you will get exactly what you had- or less, if the child is "residing" with her at the time of the hearing. I wish you the best- but remember it took two people to get you in this situation and it will take both of you cooperating to get you through it.
#105
That's very good advice. Depending on where you live you can have her restrained from the house and car- and ordered to pay you temporary child and spousal support- but you HAVE to file first. You don't want to have her do those things to you and then have to fight them...make her do the work.
I would make sure to ask for sole leagl and physical- they won't likely give it to you- but shooting for the moon never hurts. I would also suggest writing up some type of proposed parenting plan to submit with your filing- then they will have a place to start and you may be likely to get more of what you want.
How do the kids feel about all of this????
#106
I guess I would say- first- how old is she? If she is over a certain age- the court very well may take her opinion into account. Has she always been at this school? I would think if SM has been a primary caregiver and she wants to stay- why are you wanting her to change now? I understand that you want her to live with you and I understand that you are her biological parent- but have you thought about what this might feel like for her- to be taken from the only home she knows and away from her friends? Can you move to that town, so that she doesn't have to change schools. It would take a lot of soul searching- but perhaps you have to put your mother-lion feelings aside and leave her there?
#107
Custody Issues / RE: Update
Aug 26, 2006, 05:54:21 AM
Please let us know what happens- we are pulling for you!
#108
Custody Issues / RE: X responded to my petition
Aug 07, 2006, 10:14:30 AM
I think based on their age- they will be asked to participate anyway. Not so much in the way that they would be asked to "testify in open court",but that they would be interviewd and asked about specific facts. They are capable of knowing what's going on...just be carfeul to leave out what thier mother says- only say things like - Can you guys remeber how much you'vwe been here in the last 6 months? don't prompt them or tell them- jsut get an idea of their percepition of where they live and what they "want".

Tricky situation..
#109
Custody Issues / RE: child custody
Aug 03, 2006, 09:40:11 AM
I don't want to sound like I am attacking or questioning anything- but I do have a few questions that might help me to understand a little more about what happened.

When were the children removed from your custody? Was it shortly after the abuse or when someone "found out"?

Have they/ had they been in anykind of counseling to help them deal with what happened to them?

Has the perpetrator of the crimes been punished and if so, how was he brought to justice- did you turn him in, or someone else?

Do you think that the kids claim to have no food becuase they want to get your attention- no matter if it is true or not?

I think this will give us all a better idea of what happened and how to help support you through what is sure to be a very long and difficult battle.



#110
Custody Issues / RE: child custody
Aug 03, 2006, 09:39:32 AM
I don't want to sound like I am attacking or questioning anything- but I do have a few questions that might help me to understand a little more about what happened.

When were the children removed from your custody? Was it shortly after the abuse or when someone "found out"?

Have they/ had they been in anykind of counseling to help them deal with what happened to them?

Has the perpetrator of the crimes been punished and if so, how was he brought to justice- did you turn him in, or someone else?

Do you think that the kids claim to have no food becuase they want to get your attention- no matter if it is true or not?

I think this will give us all a better idea of what happened and how to help support you through what is sure to be a very long and difficult battle.