After a year now a mess (Help)

[T0052SC]

Hi guys it has been a while since I have been here.  Things were going smooth for the last year until just recently.  My problem is my ex has file for a change in custody.

I am the PC parent of a 4 year old girl and 7 year old boy.  the court orders have been this way for a year now, and she was the one to sign them over to me.  Now she wants them to change.  Her reasons, there are two; she tells the court because I am a jerk (3 page letter of why I am a jerk), she told me because she wants power.

Other delema I have since moved on with my life, as she needs to do.  I have met a wonderful woman that has 3 kids the same ages as mine, in fact they all go to school together and scouts.  The kids all love one another and us too.  Since she has found out about this my ex has been sending her friends around the town we live in to spy on us, even at church.  She has gone as far as to have her mother take the kids for a ride through our town so the kids could show her where my girl friend lives.

Questions;
1) How easy is it to change custody after it has been established, and the mother signed over the primary custody?

2) Is the court really going to care that I have a girl friend?

3) Is the court going to care that my ex is having me spyed on by friends and family and having the kids tell her where my girl friend lives?

I have court coming up in a couple of weeks?  It is just a 30 min trial to see if the elements have been met to have a triall to see if there needs to be a change.  I have an attorney, my ex does not.

[notnew]

What does your attorney say?

It is pretty difficult to change custody. She has to prove a material/substantial change in circumstance has occurred, such as the kids not attending school, failing in school, failure to access health care, etc.). It sounds from your post like none of those types of issues apply. It also sounds like you are not denying the children contact with their mother.

Sounds like she is mad becuase you are with someone else. This is a control issue and in my opinion, the court will see it that way too. I would be careful becuase she may resort to false allegations so you may want to make sure exchanges with kids are in public places, with a witness present, etc. Make sure you are sticking to the court order so there is nothing for her to pick on.

If you are living a clean life with nothing to hide and providing a wholesome healthy environment for the kids, then I don't think you have a thing to worry about.

The most important thing is to not let her drive you to do something that could hurt your custody. No arguing, communicating through the kids, etc. Keep your cool and it will be alright. She will try to push your buttons and she knows what makes you mad because she was married to you. Do not react as she expects you to.

Don't sweat the small stuff, this is a fly buzzing around your world.

[T0052SC]

My attorney says that this is a trial on Stachitory law, she needs to prove that the elements have been met to look at making a change.  He told me that she has not met the elements in his eyes, but my concern is with the courts eyes.  I just found out the other day she has an attorney, originally she was representing herself.  Now I am concerned because so many attorneys play dirty.  I am also concerned that they will try to get a GAL involved.  I don't have the money for all this.

I am a single dad with primary custody and no child suport.  Every thing I make goes into suporting the kids and keeping them active in after school activities (karate, Dance, Cub Scouts).  Which is another thing that pisses me off, because she has never tried to be involved in any of these things.  In fact she wont bring them if it falls on her time and wont come during my time.  But now she thinks that she should have half the custody when she can't even comply to the kids life style.  She has only come to 2 doctor visits (my daughters) when she broke her arm.  Never goes to any physicals, counselors, or any other.  Then there is the fact that she can't even keep my daughter in her school because the school refuses to allow my ex to bring her there for business reasons.  I can't explain that one further yet.

So if the judge was to entertain a change it would really screw up the kids life style, because they wouldn't be able to stick to a consistent schedule.  Not even a schedule that closely resembles one an other.

[hisliltulip]

To be quite honest, I think you need to relax a little.

Reread your posts, view them as someone else posting...

You have your kids in school, you are involved, you have them in activities, which YOU take them to.  You take care of the medical appointments... Etc. etc.

She signed over custody, and you have been doing your job.  It's been a YEAR.

The kids are established in your home and community.  The court is not going to expect you to be single for the rest of your life to make your ex happy.

Let her bring you to court, and request that she pay for ALL expenses due to it being a frivolous case.

[jenjen]

Dont worry seems that your doing well by your children, she could be more useful to the children by contributing child support, I'm sure your attorney will bring this up.  the judge will not be happy when he/she finds out she's not paying child support.

you'll probably leave court with a order for her to pay child support.

[T0052SC]

Here is a little update from what happened at court.  

I still have not heard anything from the judge yet on her decision but this is what happened.

My ex's case was that I interfear with her relationship with the children.  She tried to say that it was my fault that she does not know what goes on at school, scouts, karate, doctors, and home.  She wanted to change the custody drasticly (live with her Sunday through Thursday evening)  Where right now they live full time with me and visit her every other week end.  

My case was proving to the judge that it has not been me interfearing but her lack of interest to be involved.  We proved to the judge that my ex has not involved her self in any of the areas that she named.  Pluss that her work schedule would be a detriment to the children, and that the change would be a detriment to my son's school work since she has chosen to never do home work with the child even on weekend that he visits her.  Instead he brings it home on Sunday night and we work hard to get it done for Monday morning.  The judge did not seem to impressed by my ex and her case.  She even made comments, because my ex works driving school bus in my son's school distric.  The judge looked at her and asked her if my ex really wanted the judge to believe that she doesn't know what is going on within the school when she works for the distric, and that is why she never involved herself in my son's life.

She never brought up my girlfriend or any of that stuff.  My attorney was disapointed that they didn't.  he said he was looking forward to showing the court her distructive behavior with more faulse accusations.

Now it is just a wait game.

[williaer]

Please let us know what happens- we are pulling for you!

[T0052SC]

I finally got work from the court.  The court found that she did not meet the burden of proof to make any changes.  They did make a recommendation and took my suggestion.  

The recommendation they made was that the court now want a journal to be passed back and forth stating any events going on in the children's lives in up coming weeks, appointments, or any recommendations on better parenting practices.  I think this is great because in the past all this was done via mouth and when we went to court there was no proof that I kept her informed, so she kept implying that I didn't inform her.  Luckily the judge was smart and bated her with question that filled in the blanks.

The suggestion that the court took of mine was to give her a 3 hour dinner visit in the middle of the week.  I am not to sure how I feel now about it because she is making a stink about how she will have to take the children to their activities during her time and how this is unfair because she should be able to do what she wants with the kids not what they already have planned.  I talked to my attorney he told me that since the court wrote the order stating that she did not meet a burden of proof to make a change the court shouldn't have even done this.  So if she starts interfering with the activities and not bringing them we can easily put an end to the 3 hour visit.

I am just excited that the kids' lives will stay the same.  They love their live and this is stable.  I have begun e-mailing the ex all the schedules until I can pass the journal to her, and she still hasn't been making attempts to show up for evens for the kids.  For example my 4 year old daughter had her first dance class ever last Tuesday the ex didn't show and today was Rally day at church (kick off of the new Sunday school year), big party/festival and she didn't bother to show.  But I know some how in her twisted mind it is my entire fault.