Messages

Thanks for the insight.  The judge didn't buy his last ploy of his new business venture of working from home so he'll provide "daycare."  He's still collecting unemployment and appears to not be working at all.  He forgets I have the option of working from home, too and know how difficult doing both is.  I did it for awhile after my official maternity leave was over so I could spend some more time with my newborn. 

mdegol -

Yes, I have an attorney representing me with everything, he also helps me be reasonable at those times I lose my temper with everything.  I am extremely lucky, he's a great attorney who tells me how it is, what the norm is and tells me to prepare for what may happen - and he's not billing me to death.  I lucked out :-)  If you need to obtain one, do as much research as you can first, I found mine by word of mouth. 

Document everything, including any minimal conversation you would think wouldn't be important.  I do this for every drop-off and pick-up, including times he picked up and I picked up so there is no question.  Document those visits where he doesn't take him at the scheduled time and picks him up later.  I have a similiar situation, let me not follow the CO to the T and I'm right back in court but it's ok when he doesn't follow it to the T.  I know it is supposed to be what is in the best interest of the child and I try to keep that in the forefront but after awhile I think you have to put your foot down to stop being taken advantage of. If your CO says 9 am then he should adjust his flights accordingly - fly in the night before, etc. 

I've never heard of both parents using the same attorney, I'm suprised his attorney would allow this due to a conflict of interest.  Me personally, there is no way I would use his attorney!  As hard as it is, keep a level head and do not say anything that will come back to haunt you.  I know how extremely hard it can be. 

Like Ocean said, you really need to have your CO explicity state what his visitation is.  From my experience, whatever schedule was given is what was followed immediately unless decided otherwise and was understood by all parties.  Our temporary CO started the same day and so did the final order that is still being contested by my son's father.  We, being me, father and our attorney's agreed that our final order would start 2 days later than the judge's ruling.  Sounds to me like it's an every 3 week rotation, not every 3rd week of the month.  Your CO needs modified to include all those little details or it's left to each paren'ts interpretation.

Did your son's father decide to move away? 

Hopefully the judge that oversees your case will see through the BM's rants and raves.  I know there is some good advice on CO arrangements in here involving travel and long-distance situations.  You may be able to pick up some more valuable tips from those posts to help get your current situation resolved.

It gets old real fast!

My son's fatherand his attorney do the same thing - there is no working on anything; I constantly receive demanding letters that this is what they want and in the next paragraph they've already filed something in court.  The letters are filled with demands based on his wants (and lies because he thinks this will help him in court - hasn't happened yet) and not what's in the best interests of my son.  As yours, mine wants to have whatever flexibility suits him and I'm suppose to drop everything and/or agree.  I follow our ordered schedule so my son isn't completely confused and has stability.  By following the ordered schedule both of us can plan accordingly for vacations and holiday's, etc.

Only utilizing 1/3 of his visitation speaks volumes, at least I think so.  If you're not going to use what you already have why do you need more?  In your favor, you've been extremely flexible and allow him to see his son and the fact that this Halloween does not work doesn't make you look bad.  If you're going to modify your CO have it explicity state where drop-off and pick-up's will be or have father required to provide you where he will be staying 7 days prior to his actual visit.  Although you can't dictate what he does with him when he has him, you have the right to know where he is staying while visiting with his father.  Now's the time to streamline the CO down even more to avoid this in the future.

Sounds completely reasonable and hopefully the judge views it the same way.   Wishing the best for you! 

Our ROFR is 72 hours (was the standard written into the temp CO) - when he's taken me back to court I've tried to have it reduced to 24 hours and they keep ignoring my request for whatever reason.  Maybe it's a PA thing or at least or my county - seems like they don't care.

Ocean is right, file immediately to at least have the current CO increased to 50/50 in writing.  Also, unless the child is being seriously harmed it would be hard to be given sole custody - I'm in PA and before they even discussed physical custody the conciliator granted joint legal immediately.  There is stability issues with my son's father - no job, moves women in and out of his house on a regular basis, lies constantly even to the judge, etc.

I was awarded primary 2x which my son's father keeps contesting and we are now scheduled for a trial.  I can't make any decisions regarding moving, daycare, etc. without his consent.  If you can try to work it out outside of court I would try it.  Have you thought about trying a mediator first?

I've been going thru the legal process since March and it is incredibly stressful.

Eagleeyefam - don't they give you a copy of his appeal and you get to see the reason?  Our mediation is a little different here, we didn't agree and he keeps on insisting that we have a trial - so we're scheduled for October, too. 

PhilaDaddy -

I'm in PA but not from the Philly area, can't help with the attorney part.  I would start documenting everything, beginning with what you just posted here and anything else you can remember.

There is a lot of good advice in here about doing this pro se if you can't find an attorney.  If paternity hasn't been established I would start there and also see if you can work with your son's mother to formalize a custody schedule.  If not, file for custody - 50/50.  I'm not sure how the abuse part would effect your particular custody decision - I haven't had any experience with that situation.  But if that's the case, maybe you could file for primary custody and give your son's mother partial visitation. 

I've been in family court since March and quite honestly, I haven't seen any consistency in decisions - at least in my area.  Actually scheduled for a full blown custody trial the end of October.

Exactly what MomofTwo said - if you weren't married and there is no proof of paternity he has no rights at this point.