Messages

That's a GREAT letter. I am in MN where Target is HQ. After reading this I want to drive downtown to their bldg and get in someone's face in that office. It truly is too bad, as Target does a lot of good things for the community.

Thanks for the heads up.

In our case, DH gets an abatement for the summer months that the children are here. That is per SD law, though, which is where the children reside during the school year. He had to actually request this to get, though. The reduction was figured out and the pro rated over the year so that is payments stay the same every month. It wasn't a lot, but at least it was something.

I suspect each and every state is different.

Dh and ex are to meet this Monday at 7pm per the CO to exchange the children for summer visitation. CO states that the DH gets the kids exactly one week after school is out. They were released on 5/20/05, but Memorial Day is ex's holdiay this year so that puts excanage to Mon at 7pm.

We suspect that she isn't going to show (long story and there is a history of problems). Since the meeting place is 2 hours away I told DH that he needs to go into the gas station, buy something with a credit card so his name is on the receipt and time/date stamped, wait for an hour or so, then go buy something else at the gas station to get a time/date stamped receipt to show the elapsed time.

1) Is this enough to prove contempt that she didn't show? If not, what else could he do?


Thanks!

Soc,

DH's divorce in SD in 1999. Per decress ex wife has 7 years to refinance the marital home and remove DH's name from the existing mortgage. Ex remarried and has been renting out the maritial home as she moved in with current spouse. There are renters in the marital home now. Of c

Recently DH applied for an car loan and when they pulled his credit he learned that ex has been deliquent on mortagage payments...60 days late a few times, 30 days late a few times and apparently there is an arrerage of approx $1.5K on the loan as well. Due to his he was able to get a loan, but at a much higher interest rate thanks to her financial negligence. Of course, he now realizes that he never should have given her such a lengthy period of time to refi the home, but he didn't want his kids to lose the only home they ever knew and he knew that at the time of the divorce she most likely would not have qual'd for the loan.

So, my question to you is

1) Since the ex is adversely affecting his credit and costing him financially does he have any legal recourse on this, or is this just the cost of a bad divorce? Divorce was in SD

Thanks so much for your help!

Pagan

It is difficult to understand, as her father and myself are voracious readers. From what DH has told me her Mom reads a lot as well. His two boys are very interested, but she isn't. I am not going to push it, but she needs to read some to keep up over the summer. We just fear that when she starts high school in the fall that this lack of reading time will hurt her in all subject matters as the reading requirements become more burdensome with each subsequent grade level.

Thanks for all the advice. She doesn't have a learning disability, or eyesight problems. This has all been addressed. She just plain doesn't like to read.

We have tried magazines, articles and stuff too. She would rather do other things. She races go karts with her brother and Dad and we get Karting mag's and her Dad even gives her specific articles...they just sit there!

There is a movie coming out this week summer of the traveling pants or something. I have the book and have read it even though it is young adult reading. I am going to tell her that if she reads the book she and I can have a girls day and go see the movie and go to lunch etc.... perhaps that will work....

Dh's daughter who is 14 has no interest whatsoever in reading at all unless it is assigned for school, and then she will but under must protest.  We have tried lots of things to spark an interest, but with no success.

She will be here in a few weeks for the summer. Does anyone have any ideas for us on how to get her to read. Her father, and I as the step-mom feel that if she doesn't read that this will potentially be problematic for her in high school and down the road in college as the required amount of reading increases with each grade level.

Has anyone else had this problem with their children? It is difficult for DH and I to understand as we are both avid readers.

Thanks!

That is so true about THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO. I found myself offering unsolicited advice a lot of times, and then getting frustrated when DH would chose to take some other course of action and so forth. Difficut to disengage because I care so much, but if I don't I won't be able to live my life the way I want. It is too easy to get caught up in the drama sometimes. So at times, it wasn't so much her ( of course if she wouldn't do 1/2 the crap she does I wouldn't have these issues), but it was the way I thought DH should be handling things that caused the problems for me. I am letting go now, and it feels pretty liberating!

My mantra to tell myself is now "NOT MY KIDS, NOT MY EX, NOT MY PROBLEM. If I repeat it enough times then maybe it will finally sink in.

Thanks for everyone's support here, as I know you have all been there.

As most of us here all know, especially us Step Mom's or Step Dad's dealing with their spouses ex can be a challenge and cause conflict, anxiety and a host of other things. I am learning to disengage by using the mantra, not my kids, not my ex, not my problem. While I still support DH in the background I have given up being on the frontline.

What has helped me to do this you ask? I made DH change the password to his email account (we both used it) and got my own. That way I don't have to deal with any correspondence from the PBFH and I don't have to worry about DH responding, or not responding to her in a timely matter or what he is going to do or not do.

Guess what? This was the best thing I ever did in regards to this. I feel liberated! I just wanted to share what is working for me. Granted, I still have my moments as it is too easy to get caught up in the drama, but it is much better for me now that I have done this!

1. How do you NOT take it personally when everything she does hurts the person you love the most?

2) I tell myself that all the time, but sometimes you are not able to control "how you feel".

4) Yes, true with the woman we deal with too. DH has tried being nice and giving her everything, but she still pulled interference. He has tried saying "no" to her and just more of the same crap and even if we ignore her still the same.

Anyway, the therapist's answer was quite vague. DH and I were both irritated over it. He basically said that DH has a right to say no to the dance, but then on the other hand he said that we would end up with 2 very disappointed kids and we should avoid that if at all possible? Yet, this is the same guy that told us parenting time precedes activites? I don't get these people sometime. Regardless, DH is going to tell the kids they will, unfortuanately, not be able to go to this dance as we have already made plans for their weekend here (family pictures and other things). He is going to explain to them that since this isn't the first dance this is why he is saying no, and also because it was determined that they were to be here not less than 2 weeks ago which is too short of a notice to change things. IN addition, he will remind him that on the weekends he is back in their town (one per month) he allows them to attend pretty much everything they want to, and that also includes having friends spending the night. I will let you know if BM actually brings the kids 1/2 on Thursday then!