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By the time the judge finally ordered the CS, a large part due to BM trying to "milk" the system by lying about her child care costs, it was September and he ordered it from April of that same year, which was when he awarded BM full custody.

My DH pays CS directly withheld from his paychecks.  We even got all caught up w/ our CS payments last year.  (He owed almost $2500 in CS right away since the judge made the order retro.)  So now things are current and never late.  I was recently told that we can ask for an abatement in the CS for whenever my SS's stay w/ us for 7 consecutive days.  For instance, during the summer months my 2 ss's live with us for almost 2 whole months.  However, during that same time period my DH still pays CS through the state to BM.  I was told that we could get an abatement for 50% of what we pay her.  The reason I ask about this is because 2 summers ago we were so broke from paying CS and supporting them during the summer months.  Then last year, my DH had to work major over-time prior to them coming to live w/ us just so we could afford the CS and to support them.  So, now I'm wanting to find out about this before summer gets here.  Has anyone ever done this or heard of it?  Like I said, DH pays through the state (Oregon).  If we cannot get an abatement, could we in the alternative, get an order to pay more through the other 10 months and not pay at all during the summer months?

It's not really hard to impute an income.  Division of Child Support has a list that shows what a person in each line of work in every area of the state would make.  I know because I have had to deal with CS in Oregon.  

When my DH's ex quit her job, I called CS and talked to my DH's case worker.  She told me what the average hourly rate is for my DH's ex's line of work in her county, which turned out to be higher than she was making at her last job.  When we had an arguement over CS (she complained she wasn't getting enough) I simply told her she better start looking for a job because we would push the issue to have her income imputed at the going rate in her area.  She got a job the next month.

Hi there.  I just wanted to let you know that what you are asking for is not unreasonable.  I am SM to 2 boys.  My DH went through this very thing last year.  We had been picking up boys from school EOW.  And whenever there was early release, or an extra day from school on our weekend, the boys were with us.  Then one day, BM got mad at us and took that all away.  Why?  Because she could.  It wasn't specifically stated that we could pick up the boys FROM school, only AFTER school. So she actually argued that the boys needed to keep their daily routine of coming home, putting away backpack, having snack, and doing their chore.

We live 2 hrs away, and being able to meet with the boys' teachers was very important to us.  If it did need to go to court, we would have had to subpoena all the boys' teachers.  They would have been able to testify how great it was that we were involved in the boys' school life, being that we live 100 miles away.  So, maybe you might consider subpoenaing teachers to testify on your behalf.  And then, even if you go to the school, meet with the teachers, it doesn't make sense, nor does it sound in the best interest of your DD to have to go home and wait 2 hrs for you to pick her up when she is just sitting there.  She might as well be with one parent!

Luckily, we were only going through mediation, so we were able to get back and in writing, what we had been doing.  And yes, there is such a thing as status quo for NCP.  It's actually not FOR the NCP, but for the child.  If is has been the status quo for the child to be picked up from school EOW by father, than that is the status quo.

I doubt we would have had the judge rule against us and for the mom, had it needed to go to court.  The mediator basically told BM that was the boys' routine to be picked up from school EOW by dad.

Anyway, mixed gave you very technical advice based on her experiences.  I know that what you are going for sounds "reasonable" and "makes sense" but she has very good points.  It is not to say that what you are asking for is unreasonable, or that you shouldn't bother (you should!) She is just wanting to give you the best ammunition to help you win your issues.

Anyway, if you want any other info about how DH argued his points to the mediator, then ask away!  GOOD LUCK!

I am trying to think of what is best for both ss.  While keeping them together is obviously the first choice, that doesn't mean that them being apart is going to be detrimental to them.  They would both be getting more individual attention from the parent that they each relate to the best.  That was what I was trying to say about them living apart.  And it wouldn't necessarily mean forever either.  I was moreso thinking of it as a trial period.

 We sincerely don't want to cause turmoil in the boys' minds!  Things have been really nice between everyone, and I for the first time really feel like BM has grown up and does put the kids' best interests first (I can't say all the time, because part of me is still skeptical and cynical, but I'm trying!) On the other hand, the older son has been very clingy to dad when we see them.  He takes any moment to be with him.  It makes me think that he really needs his dad at this point in his life.  I really feel that the reason he hasn't come straight out and said, "I want to live with Dad" is because he knows his dad will fight tooth and nail for what he believes his kids want.  He doesn't want to see his parents fight, and we are so over fighting anyway!
 Another thing I've thought about for the first time is the possibility that the boys might want to live with different parents.  I say this because the younger boy has told me he is looking forward to his oldest brother leaving so he can spend more time with his mom.  He's told me that she's been so busy with his brother's sports and whatnot, that he's felt "left out."  He's said some other things too that makes me think he wishes he could have the chance to live with his mom by himself.  I really think he needs the extra attention from his mom, because of things he's said.  However, other times, he's said he wishes he could live with us one school year and then at his mom's one school year, and back and forth.  We've told him that might be difficult to adjust to different schools, and then he reminds me that he's a "Pro at adjusting to new schools."
  I guess my main point is that if the oldest boy is allowed to choose, but the younger two are not giving the same consideration, what message is that sending to them?  They need to feel validated and know that we all care about their feelings and what they think is best for themselves.

We are in Oregon.  My SS are 11 1/2 and 10.  3 yrs ago, when we went to court, the judge talked w/ each of the boys separately in his chambers.  When judge came back to court, he said that he didn't feel that the boys were attached to one parent over the other, so he was basing his decision on the best interests of their older brother.  

Don't I know that nothing is a guaranteed deciding factor in family court!

Since you are a mediator, would you suggest that DH just talk openly with the boys about how they feel about the living situation.  I am 100% sure that the BM does talk to the boys about why they live with her.  Not sure that she's being honest with them about the reasons, but I know she talks to them.

I just don't want the boys to feel pulled.  But, on the other hand, if they don't know it's an option to come live with us, I don't think they'll speak up.

We recently found out that my skids' BM is letting her older son (he is now 14) move to another country to live with his dad for a while.  Our problem with that is her main argument in court was that the 3 boys needed to stay together.  In fact, she got her older son to put on quite a show for the judge, tears and all.  When the judge made his decision, he said it would be detrimental to older brother to not have his 2 younger brothers living with him.  She is about to get remarried (for the 3rd time) this summer, and then the older son is going to Egypt.  My 2 ss's have time and again said they wished they could live with their dad.  I seriously doubt that she would let them move in with us.  They are 11 1/2 and 10.  She has been letting her older son choose where he wants to live since he was 5 !!!  He has gone back and forth between her house and his BD's house.  He hasn't lived with his dad since 2001 though.  Primarily because I think she revoked his "right to chose" while she was going through the custody battle with us.

I sincerely feel that her whole argument was a farse for the child support.  We have seen how when she gets CS, she buys a new vehicle.  But, in the past, when we did 50/50 custody and she wasn't getting CS, her truck was repo'd.  When she got custody again, and the CS, she bought another new vehicle.  In fact, we are financing her honeymoon because of the arrears she received last year.

As long as she has her older son living with her, we feel that we have no avenues to go down to get my DH's 2 boys living with us.  But now??  Who knows.  I am pretty sure that BM has put it in my 2 ss's heads that they cannot ever come live with us because the judged gave her custody.  So, besides the occasional "I wish we didn't have to go back"  or "I wish we could go to school here", I don't know if they'll bring it up and ask their dad about moving in.

We are still extrememely concerned with yss's grades and him not doing his homework, because in his words, "there is no one to help me because my mom is too busy."  I sincerely do not want another WW6 between us all, but I cannot help but feel compelled to do what is best for the boys, which is having them live with us.

What would you do in this situation??  Should DH talk to his boys (seperately, or together) or even at all, about their wishes about where they live?  We have even considered that one of them, instead of two, may want to move in with us.  Not that they both haven't said they would like to be here.  But I feel that yss would chose to live with BM because then he would be the "only child" for a while.  OSS's bond with his dad is incredible.  I am positive that he would chose to live with us, if he were given the chance to make that choice.

This very thing happened to a friend of mine.  The mom died in a car accident last December.  She had sole custody of her 8 yo dd.  After the mom died, the dd went to her dad's.  The mom's parent's fought for custody since their daughter was the one who had custody and hardly saw her dad.  But they didn't prevail, the dd went to her dad's permanently.  This is even with the fact that the little girl was babysat by her maternal grandparents daily... they still couldn't get custody since her dad was alive and willing to take her.  This all was in Oregon, by the way.  HTH!!

I recently found out that my stepsons' older brother has a myspace account.  I got my friend's daugther to get on and request him as a friend.  Since then we have checked his myspace page frequently.  We've found that he is at the very least, accociating with other kids who smoke marijuana.  His friends have made comments on his page that elude to him smoking it as well.  Now we don't really know what to do w/ the info.  What would you do??  I'm scared for my 2 stepsons who are 11 and 10 yrs old. Their 1/2 brother is almost 14 now, and is privvy to all kinds of grown up info.  I have called there to talk to my stepsons, only to hear the 1/2 brother on the other end saying, "who the F**K is that?!"  I am scared to think of what my stepsons are being exposed to.  I know that if, or in reality, WHEN, that boy starts having s.ex, his mom is going to "face reality" and give him condoms!!  This is straight from her telling me this about 1 1/2 yrs ago.  At what point do we get to step in and do something??  If the boy gets a girl pregnant, then is that sufficient enough to get custody reversed??