NEED HELP!

[dontunderstand]

Please pray for my SD!  Last night BM was killed in a car accident.  BM had sole custody, we had standard visitation and DH paid child support.  My question is do we automatically get custody?  I believe that her family would fight us on this...can they? What is the likely hood that they could get custody?  We are in WA.  Any info would be greatly appreciated.

[Ref]

That poor girl!!

I can't imagine that anyone would take precidence in custody over you guys.

Please ask Soc. He probably has the answer.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Ref

[williaer]

Wow- what an amazing turn of events. This is very sad for a young child and hard to deal with. Perhaps you should do a phase in plan- where she starts staying with you several nights during the week, but gets to stay at her mom's house with a relative some nights too. It would almost be cruel to have her lose her mom and the life that she's known all at the same time.

[mistoffolees]

I think I'd see it differently. If the family is going to fight over custody, I wouldn't give them any ammunition. If you let the girl stay with them part of the time, it will strengthen their argument.

The girl lost her mother. In my view, the best place for her to get the love and support she needs is from the father. By all means let her visit with the rest of the family, but that's not where she belongs.

You can minimize the loss of the rest of her life by bringing all of her things from the other house, but I would never let the BM's family get their hands on her.

I'd suggest asking Soc or an attorney to get a real legal opinion, though, since the above is just an emotional response and has no legal value.

[backwardsbike]

I am so sorry this had to happen.  Your entire family has my sympathy.

[gabes_mom]

I am so sorry for your SD!  I can't imagine losing my mom!  I will pray for her and your family in these times.  

As for custody I would imagine it would go straight to our DH, however it is best to consult a lawyer.

[step_momma_to_2boys]

This very thing happened to a friend of mine.  The mom died in a car accident last December.  She had sole custody of her 8 yo dd.  After the mom died, the dd went to her dad's.  The mom's parent's fought for custody since their daughter was the one who had custody and hardly saw her dad.  But they didn't prevail, the dd went to her dad's permanently.  This is even with the fact that the little girl was babysat by her maternal grandparents daily... they still couldn't get custody since her dad was alive and willing to take her.  This all was in Oregon, by the way.  HTH!!

[Sunshine1]

I am soooo sorry for your SD.  This is an awful thing to happen, especially right before Christmas.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

I am not sure what the protocol is on this but I am fairly sure that if you go and get her and file an order immediately, you will get her...haven't read all the post yet though....ask Soc and get a lawyer ASAP

[backwardsbike]

I hope that the child has managed to get thru the holidays as have you.  How are things going these days?  Wishing you al the best,  BB

[dontunderstand]

We talked to several professionals.  Counselors, mental health professionals and attornies, they all said the same thing...we needed to bring her home and get her into a routine as soon as possible, not to do 50/50 with the grandparents, because when it came time to work into full time with us it would be like another loss.  So we did and she has done amazingly well.  She rarely cries, she occasionally tells me she misses her mom, but that is it.  We had her put up pictures of her mom in her room and there is even one in the livingroom.  She sees her mom's parents several times a week and BM's parents even bought my daughter a Christmas present and today my daughter went with SD to the grandmother's house.  Grandma has been really kind to us all and even her dad that was almost never kind.  It is tragic, but so much good has come out of it.  I truely believe that SD has a much better relationship with BM's family, we don't need to use her as leverage and not allow her to see them when we want something.  It is sad, but that is how it was.  I also believe that SD is relieved that she can love her mom, but knows that she no longer has to "take care of her" that she can just be 8 and that she is well taken care of!