Messages

That the deadbeat wants to go out of the country and needs a passport.

 My deadbeat was in arrears over 6K and decided he needed to go to the olympics but to get his passport he had to pay all of his balance. He did - funny how he hasn't paid a full payment since Oct 07 but he came up with 6K in a month. And he doesnt have a job.

DEADBEATS!!!!!!!!!! They always get theirs in the end - even if it is the far off end.

I wish I had better news for you BUT NO DCSS will do NOTHING - I repeat - NOTHING for you and your hubby to get that money back. It is sooooo freak'n annoying and so sad that a parent would do this to their children but that doesn't seem to stop them.

On July 3rd we went to court because the donor wanted a decrease because he was making less than $1,000 a month and he had a 1 year old at home. The commisioner reduced his CS by half even after learning that even though he isn't paying his child support he can afford to spend a fun 2 days in San Diego, they just returned from a trip to Utah and next month the donor is going to Bejing for the Olympics!!!!! But he makes less than $1,000 a month!!!! Ya, I am PISSED!!!!

I do have one thing going for me (I think), since he is going out of the country his passport is flagged since he is over $2500 in arrears. Technically speaking I should see all the arrears coming my way any day now but so far I have seen NOTHING and losing hope every day.

From what DCSS has told me, and I'm pretty sure this will apply to your case also, the deadbeat's SSN is flagged and any financial transactions will be intercepted by DCSS. I got the donor's state tax refund and one time DCSS took money from his bank account?!?!!?

It is an annoying process and with times being what they are we can all use that money right about now. Good luck getting her to pay - oh ya, I wanted to say something else that is screwy with the system. As long as the deadbeat is making some kind of payment DCSS won't suspend their license or anything else. My donor is paying $26.00 a month out of the $634.00 he is supposed to pay.

Good Luck!!!!

I have sadly come to the conclusion that all of this crap is a joke. The judge will decide to do whatever he feels he wants to when he wants. And some parents will hide info or not do what they can do just to get back at you. So sad and soooo freaking annoying. Support court is a joke and a total waste of time.

Sorry, just extremely bitter over my situation. I work full time to support my son while his dad is a stay at home father to his new son. The loser doesn't support either of his kids. I feel bad that my husband helps me with my son more than his own father.

Any how - that is not what you are writing about - be prepared for the worse and hope for the best. Go to court, hopefully you can get it lowered.

Good luck!!!!!

Tell her to stick her "If i know what is good for me" threats where the sun doesn't shine!!!!

Take her back to court, roll the dice and see what happens. In CA they will imput her "earning capacity" at some randon amount but it wouldn't be 0, even if there isn't any income. I just went to court last week and the deadbeat refuses to work so the judge put his income as $3,000.

Honestly, what do you have to lose? I went pro per, it is possible if you do your research. Be honest with your answers and let the judge do the talking.

Good Luck and KUDOS for faithfully paying your child support even though you can't stand the BM, that says tons about your character - you're a good man!!!!!

Please don't take this as if I am trying to attack you.

You're right about one thing, our situations are different. I am REQUIRED by my ex to have my son at his games even though I did not agree to sign him up in his city. I do not enjoy driving 45 minutes to get him to the game when it takes the ex and the other parents 2 minutes to get to the field. And if I do not have my son at the games than my ex and his wife tell my son that "mommy is mad at them and that is why he can't go to his game"; they say they need to tell my son the "TRUTH" about their mother.

And when I get to the games I have my ex, his wife and my ex's mother sitting with the other parents pointing at me and saying stuff. Not one parent talks to me or even acknowledges that my son is playing on the team. In fact, at my son's last game I had the new wife and her mom staring me down as I walked past them. I didn't receive a single email letting me know about team stuff or team parties. I am extremely disappointed by the way things are happening but since it is for my son I suffer through it for my son even though my family tells me I should not allow my son to participate on my days of custody.

So for my son, I deal with all this crap and I am not very happy about it but I still do it - so I guess in that sense our situations are the same. We are both stuck dealing with people we would rather not deal with for the sake of the kids. I feel that I completely understand what you are going through and how you feel about it. It would be so much easier if all of you could just go to the game and watch the kids play.

I try my best to STOP complaining about all this crap. In the long run, I am the one that suffers because of their actions and I want to stop doing that to myself. I said TRY, I'm still working on that one - obviously LOL

Please don't think I am trying to attack you, I just think we both should focus on what is best for the kids. Let her act like a fool when she goes to the games, when she turns the camera on you - SMILE, WAVE and maybe even blow her a kiss. Hopefully she will get bored of it.

As far as her only doing things with the kids ONLY when your hubby is there, I would say not to tell her when there are doctor's appts until after the fact. My ex brought his issue up in court and lost. He said that he had every right to be there for drs appts and asked the judge to ORDER me to schedule the appts around him, the judge laughed in his face and said that appts are made around the drs schedule. But I do have to notify him after taking my son to the drs giving him general info. This worked out best cause - really - I didn't want to sit with him at a small drs office waiting for the drs. So if she doesn't want to take them on her time than don't let her be there on your hubbys time - that you have control over - exercise it!!!

So, even though our situations are different, they are still the same. We are two people dealing with impossible people for the sake of kids. Trust me I know how hard it is but IGNORE her. All you can control is yourself and don't let her get to you - it is only more stress on you. I am trying more and more to practice this same advice.

Hang in there, sadly I feel it will only get worse :( I have been dealing with this for 7.5 years and each year it gets worse.

It all sounds pretty petty to me. Who cares who she brings to the games and what she does while she is at the game. Why does it have to be about you, isn't she there for the kids - just like you.

I am also in a similar situation. My ex signed my son up to play ball in a city that is very far, every weekend I would drive my son 45 minutes so he could play his baseball game.

Baseball is my ex and his wife's thing, he is the coach, she is the team mom and they go to all the team functions and they sit with the parents on the team. I go to the games and sit away from them and cheer my son on - neither one of us say a word to each other or even acknowledge each other.

My son loves when I go to his games and is upset when I was not able to make it to some of his week day games. I go for my son and only my son. My friends, my parents and my husband would attend his games because we knew my son likes when his family is there at his game. My son would regularly have many family members from both sides cheering him on at every game. Just as my nephew gets this smiley smirk when he sees his family at his games - kids just love people to watch them play sports.

Sometimes a duck is just a duck - why can't a child's mother cheer on her child without it having to be about you and your husband.

One more thing, kids are much smarter than you are giving them credit for, they know how you guys feel about each other. Even though you say you keep it from the kids. My ex and his wife would tell me that my son is hesitate to be around them when I was around but at home he would talk about them all the time and I encouraged that but my son wouldn't tell them things about me - maybe he knew that they didn't like me and would make comments when he did. The day my son found out his stepmom was pregnant he told me and my whole family but I was the one that told my ex I was getting married months after we were engaged, my son didn't tell them, I wonder why.

I'm just saying that it isn't always what you preceive it to be, it sounds to me that you have a great relationship with your husband and his kids, just focus on that. And when the mom shows up to something than be happy for the kids that their mother has taken an interest in what they do. You don't have to like her or what she does but re-adjust your focus to the kids and what benefits it has for them.

Why don't you just ignore her?? She is there for the kids and so are you so just focus on the kids. If she did take the kids to these things on her time; wouldn't you want to go?

There is nothing you can do to stop her from coming so just ignore her.

You mentioned that she doesn't speak or look at you guys when she is there; why do you want to talk to her? Better to leave her to her own devices and you to enjoy the kids.

So I have had enough of the games and BS related to my custody case; I decided to to go on-line to look for something - anything to help me deal with it all. I typed in BM help with stepmom and tons of stuff came up...problems SM are having with BM, like tons of pages of these websites. Then I decided to look up stepfathers and there wasn't any chat rooms that stepfathers go to rant about the exhusband.

Why is there all this woman on woman hating - granted I can't stand my ex's new wife but it was just sad to me to see this. Maybe us mom's should take a break and let the guys duke it out for a while. Let them deal with the stress that us mom's think about.

I recently decided to let my husband deal with my ex. After 7 years of dealing with the same problems I threw my hangs up resigned my control to him. The guys can now deal with each other and us ladies know how guys are with "doing" things. This will be interesting to say the least and it will be a good lesson for me to back off and see where this goes.

Join me ladies - let's let the men see how it feels to walk in our shoes.

Thank you for your advice. I will definately do what needs to be done and let DCSS handle it. So annoying though.

Thanks

I need to get this out - not directed just at you BUT your comment "I just really hate giving her money" is not helping the situation. Regardless of how you feel about her doesn't really have anything to do with you paying your half of court ordered medical bills. You have to pay it so just pay it, but make sure you cover your butt ~ if she decides to blow the money on something else SO WHAT!!! You can't control what she does anymore than she can control what you.

The reason why I am so upset about this is because I'm sure that is what my son's dad and new wife say about me. And it is lame because I still have to pay that bill regardless of if he follows the court order or not. I almost have a medical bill paid off, and I have been sending him copies of the bills for months and no help from him. By the time I get the money from him I will be able to spend it on what ever I want because the bill will be paid off. Why can't he just give me what he is court ordered to give me!!! Why do I have to jump through hoops for him to do what he is court ordered to do.

Sorry, I am just extremely frustrated my current situation ~ I just needed to blow off some steam. It just seems to be that so many problems could be avoided if people would just do what they are court ordered to :(

I'm just saying LOL